Oh no! [runs in from the kitchen] Gotta turn on the intro! Gotta turn on the intro! Whoa! [runs right up to/into camera]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
That was close. I was trying to see if I could get up to a good running speed indoors. Run, yes. Stop, no.
You probably didn't notice but my intro stops time. Watch. I'll play the video up to this point.
[As he plays the video up to this point on his computer offscreen, when he says "Whoa!" in the video, Craig jumps. He freezes mid-air when the intro starts. When it's over, he lands.] See?
It also stops the momentum of an object. So it might help to carry around a recording of it if you're like me and you piss a lot of people off.
[Craig and a clone sit side by side.]
[Craig:] Hey, what's up?
[Clone:] Eat bubble tape!! [starts to throw bubble tape at Craig]
[Craig:] Ahh! [plays intro. Everything freezes. When the intro ends, the bubble tape falls to the ground. The clone looks at it fall and then punches Craig.] Ow!
I always forget that I gotta run right when the intro's over.
[extreme closeup of Craig's mouth:] There is Eggo waffles.
[Craig holds up Eggo waffles.] Mmm. What? This Eggo waffle has a hole in it. What does that mean? I'll google it.
[turns to his computer offscreen] Let's see here. Hole in Eggo waffle. Oh here's an interesting page. [reads from his computer offscreen:] There is one Eggo hole in the world. The person who finds the Eggo hole is a lucky person indeed. Hmm. Whatever that person passes through the Eggo hole will become a nugget of wisdom. [turns to camera:] I'll be the smartest person in the world! All thanks to this. [holds up plate, which is empty] Oh, I ate it. What happens when you eat it? [reading:] The person that eats the Eggo hole will come down with a bad case of ... oh, hang on, I gotta... I gotta scroll down here... delicious. Hmm. I guess that's good too.
[licking his lips] Mmm. They weren't kidding. Everything's delicious. Mmm. [puts computer mouse in his mouth and bites it] I wonder what the coffee tastes like. I think it's done. I love it when the coffee's done! Let's do a grabby dance! [DPC song plays as Craig does a grabby dance on the way to the kitchen. Comes out of kitchen with coffee. Takes a sip.] Mmm. Delicious. [takes another sip] Mmm. Delicious. I bet the mug is delicious too. [goes to bite the mug] Aaa! [plays the intro on his computer which freezes him before biting the mug. Intro ends.] Aaah. I just saved myself from destroying my teeth. [puts down mug] I should probably stop trying to eat things. [starts to bite his shirt, stops himself, looks at camera]
[Viewer-submitted skiing wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[sipping coffee] Mmm. [sips] Delicious. I wanna bite this mug with all my power. [goes to bite mug. coughs. laughs.]
clone, "I love it when the coffee's done!", wink, outtakes
Leggo My Eggo Hole on YouTube