Good evening complete strangers. It's June 14th 2007.
There were a lot of boobs at work today.
[Wheezy the waiter:] Well hello there, welcome to [music].
[Female customer:] Hi.
[Wheezy the waiter:] How are you? What can I get you today?
[Voiceover of Craig's internal monologue while the female customer can be heard babbling in the background.]
Good greeting, Craig. Oh no. Are those boobs in your peripheral vision? Don't look at the boobs. Do not look at the boobs. Do not look at the boobs. No! Do not look at those big beautiful luscious boobs.
Aaaagh. [looks at the boobs] [heavy breathing]
[Voiceover again:] Good thing you're wearing your apron. Better get out of there.
[Female customer continues to babble even though the waiter has left.]
Did you know that if you look "breast" up on Wikipedia, it shows pictures of breasts. I remember when I was young I used to have to stay up really late watching USA Up All Night, hoping they would screw up and slip a boob in there somewhere. They never did. Nowadays all you gotta do is type in "boob" and you're knee deep in nipples.
[clears throat] Housekeeping.
There was one comment from two days ago that I neglected to respond to. Some strange young chap by the name of M. Josef Weber wondered where he could get a Benzine t-shirt. Well, this is the only Benzine t-shirt currently in existence. It was designed by Ashleigh. All you need to do is pay my rent this month and it's yours. Or ... show me a nipple.
I'm just kidding. This isn't that type of blog. Unless ... I mean... you want to show me your nipple... that's cool.
Just send a picture to cgbenzine at hotmail dot com.
Gluebrass says, I'm considering a new hairstyle. I'm not limited to traditional male styles. What would you suggest?
Well, Gluebrass, when I get sick of a certain hairstyle, you know what I do? Get drunk!
[drinking a beer] Hey! [pours beer on his head and rubs it into his hair]
I hope that works out for you, Gluebrass.
Doodleman would like a tour of my apartment.
[Music plays while the camera goes from the outside of Craig's building, up the stairs, to his door. Craig opens the door to greet it.]
Hey! Welcome! Come on in! Yeah, just hanging out, man. That's my friend over there, JB. He says the funniest things. What do you say, JB?
[JB mocks and imitates Craig:] What do you say JB?
Come on, I'll show you my bathroom. This is where I poop and pee. I like to shower with my clothes on. [gets into the shower and turns the water on.] Yeah! Woo! Follow me to my bedroom! Let's go!
Hey JB! Isn't that my shirt?
[JB mocks and imitates Craig:] Isn't that my shirt?
This is the editing suite. [The computers have pictures of boobs on them.] Pretty sweet, huh?
And over here is the dark corner in which I brood. [Broods.] Like that!
This in here is the room where I keep my ex-girlfriend's gifts. The ones that I buy for when she comes back to me. Ah juiceface.
Hey! Let's check out my fridge! Alright! We got some mustard, some cheese, we got the fire alarm. Long story. Hey, it's my ex-girlfriend's cold dead heart. I'll take it out of the fridge when it's ready to thaw.
[Opens freezer. Takes out a chess board. Makes a move. Puts it back in.]
See, look, this is where I keep all my cleaning products. [Opens the oven and pulls out a bottle of cleaning product.] Oh, who left the gas on?
Well, I guess that concludes our tour.
[Camera leaves the apartment, goes down the stairs and back outside.]
Okay, I'm working on a good way to conclude my movies.
Thank you for watching Wheezy Waiter. Are you ready for dessert?
Wow, that's lame.
Thank you for watching Wheezy Waiter. Come again.
Thank you for watching Wheezy Waiter. Remember, tips are 20 percent.
Oh my god.
Thank you for watching Wheezy Waiter.
I'll work on it.
Oh yeah, and we just saw It's a Crazy Crazy Crazy ... There Are A Bunch of Different Types of Customers.
complete strangers, clone, music replaces the restaurant's name, Wikipedia, housekeeping, comments, Benzine t-shirt, "get drunk!", JB, It's a Crazy Crazy Crazy ... There Are A Bunch of Different Types of Customers
This is the first appearance of housekeeping and JB.
leave it to cleavage on YouTube