[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[slides in/singing rug is playing a different tune, very jazzy]
Hey beardlovers. This carpet is getting really dirty.
In the news yesterday, someone set up a way to use Twitter with his brain. [Craig looks thoughtful.] Just a second... I'm tweeting about this right now. [still thinking] Okay.
Psh, I do stuff with my mind all the time. Check it out. [Behind him, the chair starts rocking and TV turns on.] Yep, let's see what's on the old tube. [TV starts changing channels] Mmm. No. No. Ooh, The View. Now we're talking my language. [A coffee cup foats into frame] Thank you, my mind. This coffee is delicious. [takes a sip]
Let's see... what else do we want to talk about.... [a knit cap floats down beside Wheezy] Oh yeah, thanks again, my mind. [wearing cap] My friend Chase sent me this hat that he made. Thank you Chase. If you'd like for one for yourself, link's in the doobly-doob.
I have the day off of work today. I think I'll do laundry. But what'll I wear while I do laundry?
[A song that Craig sings and plays guitar on plays while he models:]
Mister Rogers. [Wearing a cardigan]
Too warm. [Wearing a big coat]
Snow! [Wearing his Snow! sweatshirt]
Things you wear when you're doing laundry,
Things you wear when you don't care. [Carrying laundry basket]
Too small. [Sweater that's too small]
Ugh [Green shirt]
Pajama pants with a lion on it?
Things you wear when you're washing clothes, [Craig spins with laundry basket]
Things you wear that no one ever knows,
Minimalist [wearing a captain's hat on his head and a towel/sarong on bottom]
General John Buford [t-shirt with picture of General John Buford]
Snow! Snow! Snow! Snow!
Oh *shirt* it's Free Bagel Friday. Duty calls. I guess I have to go into work anyway.
[Craig's boss walks up to bagel:] OMG, TGIFBF.
[Craig walks up:] Gimme that bagel.
[Craig's boss:] Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I'm gonna tweet this. [looks thoughtful] I'm getting punched right now. LOLOLOLOLOL
[Craig punches his boss, who goes flying backwards, knocking stuff over as always. Craig grabs bagel, turns, and walks away.]
[back in his apartment in snow sweatshirt] Whew. Back home. Could I have a wink please, heathgirl007?
[Winker:] I thought I'd send you a wink that would be more your style. [puffs on an inhaler. winks (ding)]
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
[Craig's boss lying on floor amidst aluminum cans from knocked-over recycling bin:] Oww! Rubs face in pain.
singing rug, beardlovers, headlines, song, snow sweatshirt, *shirt*, Free Bagel Friday, wink
Laundry Day on YouTube