[slides in/singing rug music is more thumping than usual with a stronger beat like dance music]
Hey beardlovers. It seems like my singing rug has some bumps in it.
[starts sliding in chair and dancing a little bit. A clone enters in the background and begins dancing.]
[Craig, to clone:] What are you doing?
[Clone:] Pretzel hops.
[Craig:] Get to the alligator pit!
[Craig starts sliding and dancing some more. The clone starts dancing towards the alligator pit.]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So the secret is out on how to get a lot of followers on the internet. Go crazy!
[shows headline:] Charlie Sheen sets new guinness world record for Twitter. Fastest time to reach one million followers.
See? All you gotta do is go nuts. It also helps that you managed to become a well-established Hollywood actor, which is because your father was a well-established actor before you were born, but being nuts is important.
[Title on screen: example of going nuts] I chew on gold-tipped bullets for breakfast and wipe my face with a bearskin napkin, and the bear is still alive, and he's the color green for go.
If you wanna roll with me, you better drink motor oil [title on screen appears: my wedding vows] because your brain can't handle the viscosity breakdown.
Am I famous yet? Ehh, too crazy to care. [whispers:] I secretly care.
Whoa, now it's completely dark out. Late night.
Here at YouTube Late Night, we bare skin. [music plays as Wheezy pulls down his sleeve and a CENSORED box covers what he's showing us. Wheezy turns his head, folds his ear forward to show us the back of his ear, and the CENSORED box pops up over it. He leans backward to show the top of his head/his baldspot. The title "uncensored" appears on the screen.]
We also say bad words. Trans Fat. [Title on screen: Trans fat]
So bad. What else?
of. [Title on screen: of]
[Craig in the other position looks confused.]
It's a preposition.
[Again, Craig in the other position doesn't get it.]
At the end of a sentence!! [In the title on screen, a sentence appears before the "of": That's something I was not aware of.]
Aaaaaaa! Can we get away with that?
I don't know. But it's alright. [suppresses laughter]
Alright spelled as one word! [Title on screen: alright]
I spell it that way sometimes.
It's technically incorrect.
It's gradually working its way into acceptance into the English language but it's still technically incorrect.
I know I know. So bad! So bad!
Also during Late Night we like to...
[Sexy Clone enters in the background:] Did somebody say 'late night'?
[Craig, exasperated:] Sexy Clone...
[Music starts playing, and in the background, Sexy Clone pulls down his sleeve. The CENSORED box pops up. He pulls his ear forward and the CENSORED box returns.]
[Craig:] I already did that. [Sexy Clone exits]
Also during Late Night, we like to air low-budget programming. Roll the low-budget programming. Oh. That's this.
Okay, let's just.... [Wheezy slides again, bringing back the thumping singing rug music. He dances. A clone enters in the background, dancing.]
[Craig:] What are you doing?
[Clone:] The Cabbage Patch.
[Craig:] Good choice.
[Craig slides some more, and he and the clone continue to dance.]
[The Wheezy Waiter video game outro graphic can be seen over a woman playing a version of the outro theme and winking (ding).]
So remember that sketch comedy thing fridaynitebytes I was a part of a while ago? And if you weren't around then, where you been? Well, there's a new trailer up for the third episode. You can click here to watch it. And the full third episode goes up tomorrow at 7:30 central American time. Not Central America but, like, the center of the Americas time. It's funny stuff. Check it out. I'm in it.
[outtakes:] I know! I know! So bad. So bad. I know! So bad.
[Clone dances.] The Cabbage Patch is even better without music.
singing rug, beardlovers, clone, alligator pit, headlines, Sexy clone, wink, fridaynitebYtes, outtakes
Late Night with Wheezy Waiter on YouTube