|Original Upload date||April 20, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Outro||video game outro|
|Wink submitted by||killerdude23233|
[slides in/singing rug] [In the background, we can see a clone doing dishes in the kitchen]
Hey beardlovers. There's something I've been wanting to tell you. For the past few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about... us. And uh... is it hot in here? Just a second. [goes to unbutton a button. As he unbuttons it, there's an explosion.] Ooh! Glad I got that off my chest.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Guess what? It's Wednesday Wednesday Explosion Wednes... [turns towards the kitchen where there is a lot of noise. We see a clone wiping the fridge.] [annotation appears on screen: Clones distracted me from letting you know that I'm not sure if explosion Wednesday should be a thing. It isn't yet... if ever.]
Clones are doing their chores really loudly today. I'm gonna make a supervising clone. [gets up to walk to cloning machine. Light and buzzing sound offscreen. A clone enters frame with Craig behind him.]
[Supervising clone, looking around:] Wow, I'm alive.
[Craig:] Hooray. New life and all that crap. Go make sure they keep it down in there.
[Supervising clone walks into kitchen:] Hey guys, listen, original Craig says we gotta keep it down. [Craig closes the kitchen door] Okay, guys. Let's just try and keep it down. [Craig returns to camera and sits down]
So today in explo... [sound of punching from the kitchen. Craig turns towards the kitchen.
[Voice from the kitchen:] Ow!!
I'm not gonna worry about that.
So today in explosion news, [shows article] Colt 45 BLASTED over BLAST alcopop ads. The drink in a colorful 23.5-ounce can resembles soda pop but has an alcohol content of 12%.
Compare that to a normal beer can, and you got [counting on his fingers, turns to camera angle labeled math cam] a bunch more. [turns back to main camera angle]
People are protesting that this drink is being targeted towards kids. [shows picture] Oh yummy delicious pink malt liquor!
As a concerned parent, which I'm not... I'm not a parent. I'm concerned... I mean, I'm not concerned about my children.... I mean, if I had children, I would be but I'm not... I don't have any. But if I was, I would be outraged because of their choice of spokesman.
Up until now he's just been a fun character for children. I'm of course talking about Snoop Dogg. [picture of Snoopy] First Chris Brown [picture of Charlie Brown] and now this? Let just hope that nothing happens to Puff Daddy. [picture of Puff the Magic Dragon]
Flying on top the house [picture of Snoopy on top of his doghouse with his pilot helmet, goggles, and scarf]
Dodging missiles [picture of Snoopy on top of doghouse as pilot with stuff flying through air]
Not chillin' with Woodstock [picture of Snoopy and Woodstock leaning on each others backs]
Laid back [Snoopy lying on his back on top of doghouse with Woodstock sitting on his stomach]
With my mind on the mellows and my mellows on my mind [picture of Snoopy and Woodstock roasting marshmallows].
Remember that classic?
You know, it's just... I don't... you know... it's just... I... it's just... I don't... ohhhhh Snoop Dogg! [picture of Snoop Dogg in Blast ad] Wait. It took me a long time to realize that. No no no. He shouldn't be for kids.
If your kizzle's role mizzle is Snoop Dogg, you've got bigger prizzles my frizzle. Let's move on the next nizzle... news stor... news story.
[shows article] Icy moon creates extra northern lights on Saturn. [shows picture] Burn baby burn.
On earth, SURGES of charged particles from the SUN COLLIDING with our planet's magnetic field create the northern and southern lights, or AURORAS.
But this is the first time we've discovered a Saturn moon creating aurora on Saturn. [Clone pokes his head from the kitchen and then closes door again.] You can't really see it, though. You have to be on Saturn. I wonder what that would be like. Reenactment!
[text on screen: reenactment. Craig sits on his bed, looking up. Points upwards and suddenly grabs his throat, wheezing heavily] I can't breathe. And Saturn doesn't have a surface. [Falling off bed] It's all gas. [Wheezes and falls to ground, presumably dead.]
VIsiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun, but you will die. [Words appear next to Craig's head as he says this: Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun, but you will die! - Craig Benzine]
[whale sounds] Oh, I woke up the whale. Gotta feed him. Open up the cover. [sound of cover being opened] There you go. [shakes bacon bits into the tank as the whale noises continue]
[A clone opens the kitchen door.] Die Craig! Ha ha! [throws exploding pen at Craig. Then lunges at him with a hammer but falls in whale tank]
[Another clone, in the kitchen:] Ah crap, the whale tank's open. Let's get outta here! [Runs towards door.]
What was that about?
[Another clone in the kitchen runs for the door.]
[Text on screen: go to wheezywaiter.com to see the clones' point of view. link in the doobly-doo]
[Clickable annotation on screen: or click here to see the alternate POV]
[Winker, with shaving cream on face and a razor in his hand:] This isn't what it looks like. [Winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[talking to clone, who is drying himself off] Alright, now what have we learned?
[Clone:] I will not attack people with exploding pens or a hammer.
[Clone:] You are our great and glorious leader.
[Craig:] Good. Life is a learning experience. Now you remember that, okay?
[Craig:] Get to the alligator pit.
[Clone:] Oh... oh... okay.
[Craig:] I wonder what happened to those other clones.
[Clone jumps into alligator pit]
The clones' point of view is presented in Clone Kitchen (Alternate POV of Kitchen Conspiracy).
Kitchen Conspiracy on YouTube