[slides in/singing rug]
[speaking in Irish accent] Top o' the mornin', beardlovers. [pulls down lightbulb into frame which makes everything look green] Hmm. What should I talk about today? Hmm. [looks at computer offscreen] Oh! It's St. Patrick's Day.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
It's a St. Patty's Day tradition that [shows picture] the Irish prime minister hand the president of the United States a nappy green wig. No! It's a bowl of shamrock. I'm feeling jokey today. Probably because it's St. Patrick's Day, which is a euphemism for 'I'm drunk.'
Soon after the president receives the gift [shows article], it's "handled pursuant to Secret Service policy." In other words, "destroyed." Silly prime minister! Plants aren't for presidents. You haven't been able to give a plant to the president ever since the Secret Service became aware of LSH. Little Shop of Horrors. [shows poster and then a picture of plant. Talks like the plant.] Feed me, Seymour! [singing while zooming in on pictures of Seymour and Audrey from Rick Moranis film version:] Suddenly Seymour is standing beside me [Craig strumming guitar, stops singing.] I just... wanted to do that. That's the best song written for a Rick Moranis character ever. Way better than Wickedly Wayne [shows poster for Honey, I Shrunk the Kids] or Boozedly Bob [picture of Rick Moranis' character Bob McKenzie from SCTV] or Balmy Barney Rubble [picture of Rick as Barney Rubble in The Flintstones], although that one's got a nice bounce to it. I'm working on one for Louis Tulley [shows Rick Moranis' character from Ghostbusters] That one might be a contender.
What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the coffee's done. [speaking in Irish accent] I love it when the coffee's done. Riverdance to the coffee! [Gets up and riverdances to the coffee and back.] Best riverdancing EVER... to get coffee. Unless anyone else has ever tried. Then, by default, they would be better cause that was god awful.
I just want to say my attempt at an Irish accent... [clip from before:] I love it when the coffee's done.... just sounds like Yoda.
So in Chicago they used to use this green dye in the river to check for [turns to alternate camera angle:] sewer discharges. [smiles. turns back to main camera angle] Now they use it to celebrate the Irish on Saint Patricks Day. Talk about going green. [shows picture] Specifically 40 pounds of green dye. This is the second video in a row in which I refer to poopy.
Happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody. I personally enjoy the holiday because I'm part-Irish. My mom's maiden name is Gallaher. Listen to that. That sounds Irish. [speaks like Yoda] Gallaher. That was Yoda again. [gasps] Maybe I'm part Yoda!
[Winker:] No I won't commit to your Irish stereotypes just for a good St. Patrick's Day wink. [suddenly wearing an Ireland t-shirt and a big green and white hat. Sighs. Winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro with green background]
That's the best song written by... That's the best song written for a Rick Ma... That's the best song written for a Marick... That's the best song written for a Rick Ma...
[Craig is playing 'Suddenly Seymour' on his computer offscreen and holding his guitar, listening.]
[Rick Moranis sings:] Suddenly Seymour is standing beside you. [Craig strums guitar and starts to mouth the words.] Don't have to pretend. [Craig spins in his chair] Is here to provide you...
[Craig:] Oh sing it, Moranis!
[Ellen Greene starts singing as Audrey. Craig looks surprised. Ellen Greene (Audrey) sings:] Nobody ever treated me kind... I'd say shoo-ah.
[Craig smiles and mimics her:] I'd say shoo-ah.
singing rug, beardlovers, headlines, song, "I love it when the coffee's done!", alternate camera angle, wink, outtakes
Kiss Parts of Me. I'm Part Irish. on YouTube