[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Craig's head enters the frame from below so only his eyes, forehead and part of his nose can be seen. For this first part of the video, he goes on to do the same at the sides of the frame so viewer can't see his whole face.]
Good morning beardlovers.
In preparation for my beard competition with Toddly00, I headed to the bathroom to shave last night and something weird happened.
[from out of frame, he holds up a bowl of cereal and a box of Frosted Flakes to the camera]
Kelloggs Frosted Flashback!
[Bearded Wheezy enters kitchen.]
[Beardless Wheezy at kitchen table says:] Hey man. You really need to do your dishes.
[Bearded Wheezy:] Yeah, I've been meaning to... wait, who the *ding* are you?
[Beardless Wheezy:] I'm a clone of you. You do it all the time for comic effect. You make a clone of yourself and sometimes you punch yourself.
[Bearded Wheezy:] No, something's different. You don't have a beard.
[Beardless Wheezy:] What were you about to do?
[Bearded Wheezy:] I'm about to go shave my beard. Wait a second, you're from the future.
[Beardless Wheezy:] And I'm here to stop you!
[Bearded Wheezy:] Oh?
[Beardless Wheezy:] Yeah, at first it seemed like a really fun idea, you know, beard competition. But then immediately after I removed that gorgeous testosterone garden of male essence, I regretted it. I broke down and cried like the little boy that I look like. Not only had my face changed, but the world around me changed. After a series of terrible events, my life spiraled... [bearded Craig checks the time on his phone]... into a sea of woe and dismay. I couldn't be in it anymore. So I ran. [Bearded Wheezy sighs.] And I kept on running. Until I found a time machine laying in a dumpster next to a Starbucks. It looked like a coffee maker.
[Bearded Wheezy:] How'd you know it was a time machine?
[Beardless Wheezy:] It had the words 'time machine' on it. So I jumped in. That was an hour from now.
[Bearded Wheezy:] Ehhh, whatevs, I'm shaving it.
[Beardless Wheezy:] Not without this. [Holds up Wheezy's razor.] Hehe. [smashes it on the ground]
[Bearded Wheezy:] Did you just break my electric razor?
[Wheezy at the table now has a beard:] Yes I did. See this luscious man forest?
[Bearded Wheezy:] I'll just use a regular razor.
[Now beardless again, Wheezy at the table:] Daaah! [Beardless Wheezy pulls out a gun and shoots.]
[Bearded Wheezy:] Oh god, you shot me!
[Now bearded again, Wheezy at the table holds a shirt to the wound] Yes I did. And it still hurts an hour from now. But I'm still sexy. [strokes beard with the gun]
[Bearded Wheezy:] Auuggh!
[Future Wheezy:] You know we don't have any band-aids or gauze in the house. I had to use a shirt.
[Bearded Wheezy, still in pain:] I've been meaning to go to the store.
[Future Wheezy:] Oh yeah, could you pick up some olive oil too?
[Bearded Wheezy:] Alright, I'm gonna go get my gun. And then I'm gonna go shave. And then I'm gonna go to the store. And on the way, I'm going to give my gun to a homeless man.
[Now beardless future Wheezy is pointing a finger gun at bearded Wheezy. Looks at his shoulder which is fine now:] Ah, that's better. Where's my gun? [rubs his beardless cheek] Oh *ding*!
[Bearded Wheezy:] And also I'm gonna punch you. [Wheezy walks up and punches beardless future Craig]
[Beardless Wheezy:] Oww! Less padding.
Alright, Toddly... [rises into frame so we can behold his beardless face]... you're on. [eats the bowl of cereal] Mmm. good flashback. Give us a wink JB.
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
beardlovers, beard-growing competition, breakfast puns, Craig shaves his beard, *ding*, time travel, wink
Kelloggs Frosted Flashback on YouTube