It Sucks/I Love You

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"It Sucks/I Love You"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 277
2010
Original Upload date March 24, 2010
Running time 0:02:43
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro Sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by Joe Penna (MysteryGuitarMan)
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Whale Munchies"
Next →
"Framing 101"

Video

Transcript

[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. [bites the air] You're probably wondering why I did that. Once in a while, I test out the air to see if it tastes delicious. [bites the air again, sighs] It never does. I hope this time it tastes like buffalo wings. [bites air, sighs] I hope this time it tastes like cheeseburgers. [bites air] Meh.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Thanks for your comments about healthcare. It looks like it's pretty evenly split. But you kept the argument relatively civil. wheezywaiter commenters are the best commenters in the world. I oppose wheezywaiter comment reform.
And to those of you who disagreed with me, [turns to alternate camera angle and blows raspberry] I love you. You're wrong. I love you. But you're wrong. I love you. [turns back to main camera angle] See, that's how you debate. You can't argue with that. You argue with that, you argue with my love. What do you have to say for yourself.
[shows comment from PARTS1951] It sucks.
Are you worried that your taxes are gonna go up? Is that the problem?
[shows comment from PARTS1951] It sucks.
You afraid this is gonna lead to a Communist takeover of government? Is that... is that it?
[shows comment from PARTS1951] It sucks.
Maybe you don't think it goes too far and you want a public option?
[shows comment from PARTS1951] It sucks.
Or you hate the idea of being allowed to be on your parents' insurance until you're 26? Because parents are so lame.
[shows comment from PARTS1951] It sucks.
Or you hate the 32 million more people able to get health insurance? I can understand that. I can think of 32 million individuals that I hate. 32 million and 7, actually. 8 if you count Riley from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But he's fictional. So is Lex Luthor. 32 million and 6. Ooh, smoke monster from Lost. I'm gonna put that one up as a maybe.
[shows comment from PARTS1951] It sucks.
Grrr! You never change your mind, single graphic of a comment that I keep reusing!
[shows comment from PARTS1951] It sucks.
It blows.
[shows comment from PARTS1951] It sucks.
It BLOWS.
[shows comment from PARTS1951] It sucks.
I love you.
[shows smiley face] Smiles.
Win.
[slides in chair/singing rug] Where am I going?
That comment was not representative of the opposing side. I was just having a little fun. There were plenty of comments that were very valid arguments against me... that were wrong. I love you.
Now onto a much more important argument. Facial hair.
tophergrallison writes [shows comment] I think I might be a goatee lover. I got rid of everything else except the goat... [Craig stops reading the comment, breathing deeply, holds up his hand as if pausing] I'm sorry. This is difficult to get through. [continues reading:] And I have to admit I look quite charming. Are we still friends?
I don't know. This is... this is pretty challenging. It's kinda hard to be friends with someone whose face looks like they dipped their chin in poopy. [strokes his beard] See, a beard looks like an upside-down head at the bottom of your face, which means you got two brains, which means you're double smart. So... [turns to alternate camera angle and blows raspberry] Besties for life. [turns back to main camera angle]
Hey!
[Joe (aka MysteryGuitarMan) gasps]
MysteryGuitarMan, gimme a wink.
[Joe, still wearing his sunglasses, winks (ding)]
I'm not sure if that was a wink. Oh, Mystery, you're so mysterious.
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[outtake:] Or you hate the 32 million more people that will be allowed to get health insurance. I can understand that. I can think of 32 million individuals ... [turns towards his window] ... like that... whoever is driving that truck, for instance.
The coffee got done without you even knowing about it. [sips coffee] And I loved it. Love you.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, alternate camera angle, comments, wink, outtakes, "I love it when the coffee's done!"

External links

It Sucks/I Love You on YouTube