Introducing the Wheezy Shoe

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"Introducing the Wheezy Shoe"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 422
Original Upload date November 10, 2010
Running time 0:03:48
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro video game outro
Wink submitted by TWEAKFootwearProject
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
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"Clone Takeover"
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"Arguably Canada"



[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. I have some very exciting news today. And it may involve footwear. And it may go on your feet. I guess that's implied. It may also involve EXPLOSION! It doesn't involve EXPLOSION. It's the new Wheezy shoes! EXPLOSION!
[A clone enters:] Really? Is all that exploding necessary?
[Craig:] Are you necessary? No! Get to the alligator pit.
[Clone:] I haven't swept the kitchen yet.
[Craig:] Do that first and then go... and then go to the alligator pit.
[The clone turns to go to the kitchen.]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
As promised, here it is. [Holds up a cardboard box] I poked a hole in it to release some of the awesome pressure so it doesn't EXPLODE! [As he opens the box, there's an explosion, and the box flies up into air, where eagle is flying overhead. Eagle catches box and flies away.] Agh! Stupid eagle! Stupid Explosion Wednesday that's not even a thing yet, if ever!
I'm not sure if I want to make that a thing yet. Hmm. I'll give that a think to.
But now it's shoe-gettin' time. [Gets up and runs to kitchen as he begins singing:]
Gimme the shoes.
Gimme the shoes.
Gimme the shoes.
Gimme the shoes. [Runs down sidewalk, looking up in the sky.]
Gimme the shoes.
Gimme the shoes.
[The eagle flies over, holding the cardboard box]
Gimme the shoes.
Gimme the shoes.
[As the "Gimme the shoes" continues, the song continues:]
Why'd the eagle have to take my shoes?
[Craig runs down sidewalk, looking up at the eagle who's flying with the cardboard box]
Hey look! Now he does exactly what I do.
[The eagle begins imitating Craig's patterns. Craig cartwheels. The eagle cartwheels.]
[Craig does a whole bunch of movements that the eagle imitates until, while imitating one of them, the eagle drops the cardboard box]
[song over]
Hahaha! You suck, eagle! [Craig grabs the box and runs away.]
[He walks up to camera holding the box.] I got it back. Finally. [sits and sighs] Here it is. The grand unveiling. [Opens the box.] EXPLOSION! [Explosion. The box goes up in the air just a little but Craig's still got it.] Haha! Just kidding. That was a jokesplosion. See? Play it back. [Slow motion footage of Craig opening the box and the explosion] See the smiley face? [There's a yellow smiley face in the middle of the explosion.] Jokesplosion. They're subtle but we love them. But we love them!
Okay, the grand unveiling. [Zelda music plays as Craig lifts box, opens its lid, and lifts out the Wheezy shoe.] The Wheezy shoe, everybody. [Audience laughter and applause. Craig acknowledges the audience.]
Inspired by your suggestions over the past month, we have crafted the beautiful brown and blue Wheezy shoe. Let's show the angles. Front. [Craig from front.] Side. [Craig from his left side.] Other side. [Craig from his right side.] Bottom. [Craig's bottom.] Top. [Top of Craig's head] I don't remember the shoe having so much male pattern baldness. Oh wait, no, not me. The shoe.
[Shows different views of the shoe] Front. Side. Other side. Back. Bottom. Top. [Craig's head is superimposed over the shoe so we see that the top of the shoe at the tip resembles a beard] Hey. There's a beard on my beard.
In case you haven't noticed, let me point out the Wheezyisms. We've got a beard on the back, beard on the front, a nice subtle explosion, not sure if it's a thing yet, alligator skin... [sound of alligator growling] Hmm? No, not real alligator skin. No. That wasn't... no... that would be uh uh... no. And let's see what's on the inside. Oh! Alligators! Don't worry, they won't bite unless a clone puts on your shoe.
There may be another secret about this shoe, which I haven't revealed, which is hidden, which is the nature of secrets. [Eagle flies into Craig's apartment in the background. Craig doesn't react.] Seriously, look it up.
[sniffs the shoe] Ahhh, new shoes, they smell so good. How about the one that I tried on? [sniffs it] Ugh, sweet Charlton Heston! Ugh!
Don't worry, I won't wear the ones that you purchase. Unless you want me to. No I won't. Even if you think you want me to. You don't want me to.
I love this shoe. [Explosion. The shoe is now black.] Aww, it burnt! I guess we'll sell 'em in black too.
In addition there will be one pair of shoes sent out with a notification saying that you have won a trip to visit me. I don't live in a chocolate factory, though. Sorry about that. I live in a ninja factory. Not true either.
So you can now go to tweakfootwear dot com to order your shoe. What type of package will it arrive in? How about a coffee bag? Hey, Taylor Leaf, designer of the shoe, could you show them that and then do something silly?
[Taylor holds up coffee bag with beard logo. Then he puts shoes up to each ear and winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[Craig stares at camera as sound can be heard from outside.] I'm trying to do a grand unveiling, truck! Quiet! You don't get a shoe! You don't get a shoe. Guess you'll think twice about being nosy, won't ya? [waits a moment while the noise continues.] Or not.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, Explosion Wednesday, Wheezy shoe, clone. alligator pit, eagle, song, laugh track, wink, outtakes

Related videos

Handstand 49

External links

Introducing the Wheezy Shoe on YouTube