Hello. I'm Wheezy Waiter from the YouTube channel wheezywaiter. You know sometimes I can be a little bit too sarcastic. Not today, though. Today I'm going to be genuine. And true. Now let's start the intro. In earnest. [pause] [makes a funny face and noise]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
You know, I recently hit the milestone of 75,000 subscribers, and I"m very grateful to all of you who subscribed. [makes funny face/sound again] Why... no, I really am grateful.
Anyway, I thought for all the new people that are stumbling upon my channel I'd do an intro to Wheezy Waiter, of sorts. A wintro. Or an intwaiter.
[turns to alternate camera angle:] Yeah. I do different camera angles. Cause it's wonderful. [turns back to main camera angle] I march to the degree of a different angle. [turns to alternate camera angle] I'm here. I'm multi-angled. Get used to it. [turns back to main camera angle] Despite its life expectancy ranked among the worst, I'm moving to Angola. [turns to alternate camera angle] My favorite director is Ang Lee. Even though The Hulk sucked. [turns to main camera angle] My favorite tv show is the Buffy the Vampire Slayer spin-off Angle [holds up box set for Angel] [turns to alternate camera angle] You get the idea. Unless you're really stupid. [turns back to main camera angle]
So you may be wondering why this *shirt*ty bald *pants*hole who uses articles of clothing to bleep out his *ding*ing swear words except for *ding* got so many subscribers. Well, I make clones. Right, guys? [looks around] Guys? Oh that's right. I killed all of them. They did their chores for the day.
[A clone pops up behind the chair.] What's up?
[Craig:] You're supposed to be dead.
[Craig:] Get to the alligator pit. [Clone heads towards the kitchen] Go on.
So I made a bunch of clones and had them start YouTube accounts.
[Clone can be heard jumping into alligator pit:] Aaaaaaa! [sound of alligator growling]
That's right. Eat 'em all up. Ah, remember the rhyme. Eatin' clones, eatin' clones, don't forget to eat the bones. [Alligator starts munching] There you go.
And then I had them subscribe to my channel. And that's about half of the subscribers that I have. I probably shouldn't have killed them all though. Cause now I get half as many views as subscribers. But you gotta kill your clones. [turns to alternate camera angle] They make the census form really hard to fill out. And they eat exactly as much as I do. And I'm a pig. Extra grocery shopping? I think kill. [turns to main camera angle]
I also have many ongoing themes, such as coffee and how I love when it's done, but not today. I don't need any synthetic energy. I'm hopped up on you right now. [stares intensely at the camera. Starts snoring.] I was just sleeping with my eyes open. That's amazing.
[turns to alternate camera angle] Sometimes I make intelligent jokes about the news. Such as [shows headline] Wall Street probe expanded. Hehe. Probe expanded. Owee! My butt! Hehe. [turns to main camera angle]
Yeah, I think that about covers everything. [money falls from above. Craig gasps] Money from my Sky Bank is falling into my whale tank. [whale sounds] You don't need to know anything about that.
Let's end my video like I always do. With a wink.
[A girl kisses a guy on the cheek]
Awww. They're in love. [Craig goes to put his finger in his mouth and makes a gagging sound] I mean, congratulations.
[The guy winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
Also did you know I invented the term doobly-doo to refer to the description box? Yeah. It was me. And it's taking the world by light drizzle. Hey, why don't you watch some previous videos I did this week? [gestures to clickable annotations that appear for Monday's, Tuesday's, and Wednesday's videos] I do them every week day. Actually, you have to watch one. You can't... you can't go on to do your other Facebook things or whatever you're gonna do. You have to watch one. Sorry. I don't make the rules.