Good evening complete strangers. It's June 27th.
I don't feel like doing a movie today. And I'm too lazy to use sound effects. So here's two minutes of my empty room. [winks] Ding. [gets up and leaves]
Aaaaa, I had you going. Ha ha! I changed my mind.
A bunch of other people changed their mind in the news today.
A convicted killer changes his mind about his penis.
Liz Claiborne changes her mind about being alive.
Experts say video games not an addiction after all.
I can quit any time I want. I only play it when I'm drunk. After a heavy metal concert. (Apparently now an addiction.)
Republicans change their mind about Iraq. We may see a surge for withdrawal, apparently originating in Richard Lugar's crotch.
And fans change their mind about Kelly Clarkson.
Man, that sucks. Her first single was only 9th on the Billboard Top 100. I should have listened to it more.
Now the producers are going to make a few less million.
Man, I wish there were a way to make music without the required acceptance of every being on the planet. Guess I'll never sing a song again.
[Drinks coffee. Then drinks beer.]
Beer after coffee. I'm drinking. So fuck off-ee.
In other news, they're making a new Indiana Jones movie. Hopefully George Lucas has changed his mind about sucking.
On Indiana Jones dot com, they posted a video of the first day of shooting. [video of George Lucas toasting the crew and sipping champagne] Here we see Indiana Jones as a very old alcoholic. [Lucas looking into the camera] He gets an eye exam on the hood of a car. [Camera rig filming cars] And gets chased by robots from the future! Well, all in a day's work. Back to the retirement home.
Wait a second! A new Indiana Jones movie? Dude, I'm flipping out!
[Craig and two clones:] AAAAAAAAAAAAA!
[Craig sings the Indiana Jones theme song over video of him as Indiana Jones]
[Craig as Indy:] It belongs in a museum!
[Instead of replacing the golden idol with a bag of sand, Craig replaces chips and salsa with a DVD of Veronica Mars. Instead of being chased by a big rolling boulder, Craig is chased by an image of Kelly Clarkson. Music of Wheezy's "Since You've Been Gone" cover plays over a photo of him as Indy with Kelly Clarkson.]
[Craig emptying the trash]
I was gonna respond to some comments tonight but I ran out of time. It was either that or get chased down a hallway by Kelly Clarkson. I think the choice was obvious.