Indiana Jones & Raiders of the Lost Summary
|"Indiana Jones & Raiders of the Lost Summary"|
|Original Upload date||September 30, 2009|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||creativewind|
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[The intro dissolves into Craig whose beard is in the same position as the intro. He leans back.] Hey beardlovers. [Text on screen: Ford Fiesta Mission #5]
So a little while ago, I was drinking tea at work when a young coworker came up to me and said he had never seen Indiana Jones. WHAAT?! I spit the tea all over him. I passed out. I woke up in a cold sweat. And I remain very worried about the culture of today's youth. So, in the interest of forcing my opinions upon you and perhaps changing our future for the better, allow me to summarize the entire Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.
In the interest of time and laziness, I may take some liberties.
[Throughout the entire video, Indiana Jones music, as performed by Craig plays in background.]
[Craig, dressed as Indiana Jones, stands before a mug with the image of a cave behind him.] Phew, finally made it to the sacred mug in the cave in South America. But I need to replace it with something of the same weight. Hey, I can use my mug. [picks up one mug and replaces it with his mug] Ahh, it worked. No it didn't! [Craig running] There is a giant ball of rock rolling right towards me! This sucks!
[Craig in a classroom, wearing a tie and glasses, points at blackboard:] And this is how you do archaeology. And I should know. Because not only am I an archaeologist. I'm also a teacher. Marcus, I had the mug and then lost it to Belloch.
[Craig as Marcus, speaking with a British accent:] Oh Indy, don't worry about that. The Nazis stole the god thing and you need to get it back before they destroy human civilization.
[Craig as Indy:] I hate those guys.
[Craig as Marcus:] Humans?
[Craig as Indy:] Nazis.
[Craig as Marcus:] Be careful, Indy.
[Craig as Indy:] Oh Marcus, you know what a cautious fellow I am. [holds up a gun, turns to camera] Jones. Indiana Jones.
[Marcus backs up and out of frame]
[Map of the world. Picture of Millennium Falcon. Sound of ship flying. Line from US to Napal.]
[Craig dressed as Indiana Jones, in a bar:] Marion, your hair is blonde. And you have a beard.
[Craig as Marion, wearing a wig:] So do you.
[Craig as Indy, rubbing his beard:] This is just a 5 o'clock shadow, baby.
[Craig as Marion:] I used to love you. Now I hate you. And I think I might love you.
[Craig as Indy:] Come on. Let's go archaeologize that god thing.
[Craig as Marion:] Yeah, it's really cold in Nepal.
[Map of world. Picture of Millennium Falcon. Sound of ship zooming. Line from Nepal to Africa.]
[Craig as Indy, standing in a market, pouring wine into a glass:] Aww man, I think Marion died in Cairo Africa. I'm gonna get loaded. Oh wait. I think she was just kidnapped by Nazis. And this is white wine vinegar.
[Craig as Indy in the desert, digging:] Oh wow! Totally found the god thing! But what's that? Snakes. *ding*ing hell!
[Now standing in a slightly more shrubby desert, on a path.] Crap! Nazis got the god thing. Better do a car chase.
[A Fiesta moves down road. Craig as Indy is under it.] I'm being dragged underneath a car. This is ridiculous!
[Craig as Marion:] Awesome! We got the god thing back. Let me hit you on the face with this mirror on the pirate ship.
[Picture of a pirate ship.] Owww! My face was hit by a reflection of my face!
[Craig as Indy, in a room:] I hurt everywhere.
[Craig as Marion:] Where don't you hurt?
[Craig as Indy, rips off his coat and points to a spot on his chest:] Here. [Craig as Marion leans out of frame to kiss it.]
[Craig as Indy points to another spot on his arm:] Here. [Craig as Marion leans out of frame to kiss it.]
[Craig as Indy giggles:] Tee hee. Your beard tickles. And I'm a [cuckoo noise censors what he says]
[Craig as Marion:] Oh *shirt* a submarine!
[Craig as Marion:] Aww man, we lost the god thing again. And now we're tied up!
[Craig as Indy, also tied up:] Marion, they're gonna open it now. Keep your eyes shut or your face will melt. And I'm not referring to the slang used to describe what happens when you hear a heavy metal guitar solo.
[Craig as Marion:] Oh, like every single solo on Master of Puppets?
[Craig as Indy:] ROCK! [throws up a rock sign with his hand]
[Craig as Indy, later on, untied:] Fools. Bureaucratic fools. We gave 'em the god thing and now they're gonna put it in a box and then in a warehouse with other boxes while the end credits roll.
[Craig as Marion, holds up mug and bottle of white wine vinegar:] Wanna get a drink?
[Craig as Indy:] Is that white wine vinegar? Gross.
[Craig as Marion smiles and nods.]
[Title: The End (over a picture of crates in a warehouse)] [Title: God Thing (with an arrow pointing to one of the crates)] [Back in his apartment, Craig rubs his beard.]
It's just a five o'clock shadow, baby. Classic! We used to quote that in film school all the time. You're welcome, youth of today. In fact, you probably don't even need to watch the original Raiders of the Lost Ark. That was pretty much spot on. Could I have a wink, creativewind?
[Winker lowers her book and points to herself inquisitively]
[Craig's voice] Yes, you. [She smiles and winks (ding)]
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro graphic with Indiana Jones music, performed by Craig]
[Fiesta moves down a road with Craig as Indy under it:] Ow!
Craig posted the music he recorded for this video on his second channel: Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Soundtrack
Indiana Jones & Raiders of the Lost Summary on YouTube