[slides in/singing rug] [spins] [digital zoom] [raises eybrows/boing sound] [lifts his lips/high honking sound] [wiggles nose/sound effect] [flares nostrils/wind sound] [looks to his right/whoosh sound] [opens mouth/creaking sound] [looks to his right/whoosh sound] [raises his eyebrows/boing sound] [looks to his right/whoosh sound] [lifts his lips/high honking sound] [raises eyebrows/boing sound] [looks to his right/whoosh sound] [raises eyebrows/boing sound] [looks to his right/whoosh sound] [lifts lip/high honking sound] [raises eyebrows boing sound] [explosion]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Hey beardlovers. It's WEDNESDAY WEDNESDAY EXPLOSION WEDNESDAY! I'm thinking about making it a thing. Should I make it a thing? Hmm. [bubbling sound as his cheeks puff out and then an explosion bursts forth from his mouth] I guess that means I'm sure it's a thing? Nope. Still not.
So I said in my last video I'd go to the hospital if you watched Platoon of Power Squadron, and many of you did. Thank you. I didn't die.
Thanks a lot.
Really appreciate it.
Thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks.
I hate death.
You're the best.
Go on, girl.
It's your birthday.
Be kind, rewind.
What?! We're off topic.
Alright, let's end this with a high five. [High fives] Haha! You got exploding gum on your hands again! Did I say exploding gum? [His hand explodes.] Oh, that wasn't very handy. [Audience laughter] That was a little bit too much to handle. Hehe. Insert pun about hands here. Haha. That was a good one.
I gotta learn how to write with my left hand. [Holds up pen with his left hand. It explodes.] That was an exploding pen.
It got darker in here. The weather must be reflecting my inner turmoil.
Well, if that's true, then my turmoil must be very tumultuous. Turmoiuous? Tumultoid?
It's where most of the explosive news come from this week. [shows headline] Fog SLAMS planes and trains in northern India. [shows headline] Airline passengers GRAPPLE with days-long delays in getting home. [shows headline] Florida's temperatures PLUMMET. [shows headline] Winter BLAST SLAMS East Coast. [shows headline] Blizzard BACKLASH. [shows headline] Snow JAMS travel across country. [shows headline] Travel NIGHTMARE at JFK Airport. [shows headline] Mudslide fears as new storm SOCKS California [foghorn]
Socks? Oh. Socks! [Replaces graphic of socks with a fist]
That was a bunch of examples.
And that's nothing compared to what the weather's like in Chicago. Here's my report. [looking out window] The ground is BOMBARDED with snow. The sky is EXPLODING with inactivity. That tree is BURNING with... lack of leaves.
Okay, it's not that bad. I just wanted to be included.
I just like to be part of things, you know?
Humans are social creatures.
Still, the weather is messed up everywhere.
[The number 1 appears beside him] What does this mean? [Then the number two] Is this the end times? [Then three.] Should I be worried?  Am I worried?  What's the meaning of life?  Am I ever gonna bring back Free Bagel Friday?  Is the coffee done?  Why is that door behind me closed now?  Can I do a banjo face?  Have I ever eaten raw oysters?  Where's the beef?
[The numbers start over again at 1] Depends on your religion.  Probably not.  Probably not.  Yes.  To find true happiness. At least for me but it depends on your religion.  Yes.  Yes.  To set up the coffee blizzard joke.  Okay. [Banjo face]  Yes, and I didn't like them.  Hopefully in the freezer but if not, you may want to throw it out. It's never a good idea to eat raw [text over his mouth: rotten] meat.
Wait a second. [talks to himself for a minute] Yes. Probably not. The coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done! I'm gonna go get it! [Gets up and runs to kitchen door which he kicks open. There's a blizzard in his kitchen.] Oh no! There's a blizzard between me and the coffee! I'm gonna brave it! [Runs into the kitchen, shrieks, and runs back out.] No, I'm not. I'm going to bed.
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[looking out window] That garage door is red. Like FIRE... is... too sometimes. The smoke from that chimney is continuing to exit... the chimney. [looks at his bookcase next to window] That Seinfeld DVD is SLAMMED against The Office DVD. [looks out window] That window EXPLOSIVELY maintains itself as a window.
[He looks offscreen, moving his lips, talking silently to himself. Turns to camera.] Turmoiuous?
singing rug, boinging eyebrows, beardlovers, Explosion Wednesday, Platoon of Power Squadron, laugh track, exploding pens, headlines, banjo face, "I love it when the coffee's done!", wink, outtakes
Inclementary on YouTube