[Craig stares at camera for a few seconds. Blinks.]
PUPPIES??!!... are adorable. [smiles]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Listen up, beardlovers. Maltese, terriers, poodles, golden retrievers, *ding*ing pit bulls, it doesn't matter. In puppy form, they are cute as the dickens.
The thing about puppies is they're so friendly. And cuddly. And loving and funny and wonderful. You'll always have a friend with a puppy!!!!! I mean that!
Top five things I love about puppies. Number one.
Take my mind off my loneliness.
[Craig on right side of frame, without a beard] Chick magnet.
[Craig on left side of frame, still with a beard:] Holy *shirt*! What was that?
[Craig on right side of frame, with a beard:] Hmm?
[Craig on left side of frame, confused:] Must be thinking too hard about puppies. [shakes head] Number four.
[Craig on right side of frame, bearded:] They're fun!
[Craig on left side of frame:] Number five.
[Beardless Craig on right side of frame:] Did I mention chick magnet?
[Bearded Craig on left side of frame:] What the *ding*?
[Beardless Craig:] Hmm?
[Bearded Craig:] What's that on your face?
[Beardless Craig:] This? [touches his face]
[Bearded Craig:] Yeah.
[Beardless Craig:] This? [points to his face]
[Bearded Craig:] Yeah.
[Beardless Craig:] That's my face.
[Bearded Craig:] I don't like it.
[Beardless Craig:] It's your face too.
[Bearded Craig:] Ugh, are you me from the future again?
[Beardless future Craig:] Or are you me from the past? Dun dun dun!
[Bearded Craig:] And why did I shave off the beard this time?
[Beardless future Craig:] For the web series you and I are in. *Ding* in Space. Production for Episode 2 is beginning soon. Link in the doobly-doo.
[Bearded Craig:] So why did you come here from the future? To stop me from shaving my beard like you did last time?
[Beardless future Craig:] No, I think it's just a rift in the space-time continuum.
[Bearded Craig:] Why do weird things with time keep happening when I shave my beard?
[Beardless future Craig:] I don't know. Thematic consistency?
[Bearded Craig, mocking beardless Craig:] I don't know. Thematic consistency?
[Beardless future Craig:] Don't mock me. I'm you.
[Now they're sitting side by side.]
[Beardless future Craig punches Craig.]
[Bearded Craig:] Owww!
[Beardless future Craig:] Owww!
[Beardless future Craig on right side of frame rubs his cheek:] I gotta remember to stop hurting my past self.
[Craig on left-hand side of frame. Now beardless too:] Tell me about it. Wait... I'm future me now.
[Beardless future Craig on right side of frame:] Oh! We're both present me. Looks like the space-time rift is over.
[Beardless Craig on left side of frame:] I guess you're right. And that just means we're talking to ourself. [slides over to right side of frame] Yep.
Sorry beard... facelovers. I had to shave the beard for the series that I'm in. If you want to leave an angry comment, you should do it on the channel that the series is being shown, Harmony Joyride. Link in the doobly-doo. While you're at it, watch the first episode. And subscribe. [smiles]
As I mentioned before, there are adult themes. It's called *Ding* in Space. And it's not safe for work. You shouldn't be watching it at work anyways.
[Winker leaning against a mirror:] Stay classy, Wheezy. [Reflection winks (ding)] What the... ? [Reflection smiles.]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
I'm kinda lonely now. Wish I had a puppy.
[Bearded Craig slides in from left of frame:] Perhaps I can help. [Punches Craig.]
[Craig:] Ugh! Another space-time rift?
[Bearded Craig:] Ahhh... sweet self-revenge. Gotta run. [slides out of frame]
beardlovers, *ding*, *shirt*, Craig shaves his beard, time travel, *Ding*ed in Space, doobly-doo, facelovers, wink
When Craig talks about weird things happening with time whenever he shaves his beard, he is referring to Kelloggs Frosted Flashback and, to a lesser extent, Beard Science.
I Love Puppies on YouTube