I Hate Things

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"I Hate Things"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 325
Original Upload date June 3, 2010
Running time 0:02:24
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by cheeriosy
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Indoor Trap Shooting"
Next →
"Ode to Cadmium"



[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. I was just in a black hole. Wanna know what happened? Check it out. Flashback!
[Screen is totally black for a couple of seconds]
Uhh... That flashback wasn't very enlightening. Ha!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So you may be wondering, But Wheezy Waiter how did you get out of the black hole?
Or you may be wondering, What do I do with my life?
Or, How do I get so-and-so to like me?
First of all, so-and-so has bad BO and snores very loudly. Secondly, become a dance instructor. Third, have you ever been in a black hole? You'll know how to get out of it when you're in it.
[Closeup of Craig] Answers just lead to more questions.
[Closer-up closeup of Craig] Questions lead to exhaustion.
[Extreme closeup of Craig's mouth and nose] And exhaustion leads to coffee.
[More extreme closeup of Craig's mouth] And coffee leads to...
I love it when the coffee's done!
[Goes to kitchen] Coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee!
[sits down, sipping coffee] Mmm. [smiles] Hi. I don't know if you know this, but I... I sort of like coffee a little bit. It's kinda my thing.
[turns to alternate camer angle, very angry:] You know what I hate?! [smiles] [turns back to main camera angle]
Let me clarify. You know how coffee's my thing, I love it, but now if anyone else mentions coffee in a video, they're accused of copying me.
Or take MysteryGuitarMan for instance example. Instxample. Now don't get me wrong. I love him to death. Seriously. If I met him, I'd be like [speaks in a high-pitched tone of voice] Oh my god, I love you. [normal voice] And then he would die. Platonically. I love him platonically. His death would be real. Not that platonic isn't real love. Gah! Let's move on.
MysteryGuitarMan is really good at doing music videos involving song looping and split screen editing. But now when anyone else does anything like that, people say [talks in a funny voice] You're copying MysteryGuitarMan. [subtitle on screen: you're copying mysteryguitarman] You're copying. [subtitle: you're copying] [makes a funny noise] [subtitle: eoouaueaou]
Same thing with hotforwords. Now no one else with big boobs is allowed to be smart.
Well, I'll have you know mysteryguitarman was not the first. He's just really good at it. I did it before him. Check it out.
[Text on screen: 8 years ago]
[Two boxes appear on screen. In the upper box, Craig sings.]
This song's not about MysteryGuitarMan
[Two more boxes with Craig appear on screen who sing along, harmonize, or sing, along with the other box on screen originally:] Yeah yeah yeah yeah
[Text on screen: From the video "Mystery Guitar Who?"]
He doesn't even exist yet.
[song over]
I was wearing the same clothes back then. Weird.
There's no way around it. People are always gonna accuse others of copying. I'm just gonna make breathing my thing. [takes several deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling in closeup and extreme closeup]
Now no one can breathe in a video without copying me.
[Viewer pounds his hands together, which creates an explosion, which propels him through air. He lands on the floor and winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[points to a clickable annotation] And now there's a third part to Episode 3 of Platoon of Power Squadron. Click the link to watch it. I'm just gonna keep mentioning these. As long as I make a video and it comes out the same day I make that video, I'm just gonna mention it. Just gonna happen. Blahbiddyblahblah. I'm talking still. Blah blah. Can't believe I'm still talking. I'm really late for work.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, "I love it when the coffee's done!", alternate camera angle, song, breathing being his thing, wink, Platoon of Power Squadron


This is the first video in which Craig talks about breathing being his thing.

External links

I Hate Things on YouTube