I'm Swayze for You

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"I'm Swayze for You"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 52
2008
Original Upload date May 18, 2008
Running time 0:04:49
Intro chips and salsa intro
Outro wheezywaiter.com outro
Wink submitted by WheezyWaiter
Great People
Guests: Ashleigh
unidentified woman
Dave
Episode chronology
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"Spring Cleaning"
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"Nothing You Ever Wanted to Know About Wheezy Waiter"


Video

Transcript

[slides into frame]
Hey wheezies. It's May 18th. You're watching the Wheezy Waiter, the only rolly chair video blog. [spins a few times in his chair] As far as I know or care to find out.
[wheezywaiter dot com chips and salsa intro]
So a couple of weekends ago, I went to Alabama. Did you know Alabama is home to Adventure Island?
[Footage of sign of Adventure Island] They've got Go Karts, bumper boats, L-zer tag and more.
[Wheezy waiting in line] While waiting in line for tokens, I wondered if my pits smelled. [smells his armpit]
[Wheezy playing skee ball] The only thing we lusted more than playing skee ball was the tickets we earned. So bad. So bad. [Craig, an unidentified woman, and Ashleigh rub tickets over themselves.]
We needed to redeem ourselves from our sinful ways. Luckily they had a redemption center. [sign that says 'Redemption'] Ahh, sweet mercy. [Unidentified woman from before feeds tickets into a machine.]
Then we went to a crazy Munchkin land.
[Craig outside:] Look! A miniature waterfall! [shot of a miniature waterfall] Also! A miniature volcano! [stands in front of miniature volcano]
[Ashleigh:] I'm in the volcano!
[Wheezy preparing to hit a miniature golf shot on the course which is next to the go karts] This miniature highway next to this miniature golf course is ruining my miniature concentration!
Guess what? Alabama also has beaches! [shot of ocean/waves]
I needed to protect my luscious alabaster skin from harmful UV rays. [Wheezy applying sun screen to his shirtless body] Right after this shot, I was fined for public indecency.
[Craig on the beach:] Oh my god, is that a shark?
[Ashleigh:] That's a boat. [Shot of a boat]
[Craig:] It's a shark.
[Ashleigh:] That's a boat.
[Craig:] I'm not going in the water.
On the beach I like to be an entertainer.
[Ashleigh sunbathing.]
[Craig:] Ashleigh?
[Ashleigh:] What?
[Craig:] Ashleigh?
[Ashleigh:] WHAT?
[Craig:] I'm gonna read you a story.
[Ashleigh:] Whatever.
[Craig:] Today's puzzle. 1 across. Stashes away. [shot of crossword puzzle] 1 down. Padlock adjunct. 6 across. Guy like Hamlet. 2 down. Purple flower. You like flowers.
[Shot of Ashleigh ignoring him]
[Craig:] 3 down.
[Craig:] Oh my god, it's another shark.
[Ashleigh:] It's a guy in a parachute.
[Craig:] No way I'm going in the water.
Due to the large presence of sharks, we went to the Waffle House. [shot of Waffle House] I only eat at places that serve their food at least 844,739 ways. [Sign that says 'prepared at least 844,739 ways] and give a syrup sample on their menu [closeup of menu that has spilled syrup on it].
Dave was the only other dude on the trip. [shot of Dave] He liked me. [Dave gives Craig the finger.]
[Back in his apartment:] So I found myself on the beach with a pretty girl, some Corona, and a video camera. What do you think I did? I made a Corona commercial.
[A woman's leg is visible as she sits next to a bottle of Corona with waves in the background. She opens the bottle, picks it up, and when she puts it back down, it's empty. A title on the screen appears "Get Drunk...." The woman gets up and run towards the water. Another title appears under the previous one "and Swim." A logo appears "Miles away from ordinary" and under it is written "Company Something Blahdy Blah Legal Stuff TM]
[Wheezy in his apartment:] Then it was time to ride the waves.
[Footage of Wheezy running to the water with a boogie board and runs away every time a wave comes into the shore.]
[voiceover:] The water took some getting used to. [Wheezy runs in fear as another wave washes up on shore.] I decided I needed to take a nap before I got my feet wet. [Wheezy runs from another wave as it comes in and continues running across the beach away from the ocean].
Eventually, I became one with the water. [Footage of Wheezy on the boogie board in the water.] I was a regular Patrick Swayze from Point Break. [Footage of Wheezy dissolves to a scene of Patrick Swayze from Point Break] See what I mean? [Many shots of the boogie board flying away from Wheezy.] Also, since we're on the beach, I'd like to point out I'm as sexy as Barack Obama. [side by side pictures of Barack Obama and Wheezy in the water.]
[Wheezy, wet, standing at water's edge:] That's exhausting.
[Ashleigh:] The waves aren't big enough. Should've done it on Friday.
[Wheezy:] You should've done it on Friday!
[Ashleigh:] Maybe they'll be bigger tomorrow.
[Wheezy:] Maybe you'll be bigger tomorrow!
Sadly, it was time to go back home.
[Wheezy sits on the sand, facing the water.] I've come to say goodbye Lord Poseidon, God of the Sea. I brought you a gift from my people of the land. [Takes a handful of sand and throws it towards the ocean.]
[Footage (from Point Break) of giant waves and spray.]
Oh, and Poseidon. One more thing. [wink (ding)]
[Enormous waves and spray again.]
Goodbye.
[Craig gets up and walks away in a shot that is letterboxed and color-corrected perfectly to match to the shot it cuts to, a shot of Keanu Reeves holding his badge. Wheezy walks on the beach towards the camera. Shot of Keanu hurling his badge into the water and walking away on the beach. Wheezy too walks out of frame. End credits of Point Break begin to roll.]
[wheezywaiter dot com outro]

Recurring elements

wheezies, wink

External links

I'm Swayze for You on YouTube