How to not make a Viral Video

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"How to not make a Viral Video"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 290
2010
Original Upload date April 12, 2010
Running time 0:02:40
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by Izzzilla
Episode chronology
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"Comment Tiiiiiiiiiiiime"
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"Late"

Video

Transcript

[slides in/singing rug]
[Craig zooms in camera and flares his nostrils a couple of times.]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
As someone who's uploaded 290 videos to this channel, none of which have gone viral, I realize I may be an expert on how to avoid it.
One common trait of a viral video is that it usually takes you right into the action, as if you're an innocent bystander witnessing an event. Take my intro for example.
[Replays his intro in black and white. Slides in/singing rug. Zooms in the camera. Flares his nostrils.]
Yep. [pause] No. Don't do that.
[turns to alternate camera angle] Another way to make a video go viral is that you should assume it's for the world, for the masses, and not certain aspects of the world that may like certain things. Okay, beardlovers? Also, don't do things that are weird that will just confuse people. [reaches behind him and bangs the toy piano. Turns back to main camera angle]
Also, sometimes viral videos take time to grow. Be patient. Don't potentially bury your delicious creation that the world needs to see by uploading more videos. If you subscribed to me, you know I pay very close attention to avoiding this. By Friday, this video's gonna be four videos old and long forgotten, which is really good because I'm about to do this. [sticks his finger up his nose and sings:] Boogers boogers boogers. I love boogers.
[Turns to alternate camera angle] Thematic consistency. Viral videos are usually about one thing and one thing done in a very hilarious way. Not a hodgepodge of jokes randomly thrown together. Take it from Mandelbrot13 [shows comment] who wrote "I wonder how many of Craig's videos are actually about stuff. Also he features the most random comments!" Well said. And imxint2 wrote [shows comment] "Wedgie alert!" Wedgies are funny cause the underwear's in the butt. [Turns to main camera angle]
As in life, jokes are only funny to those who understand the context. That's why inside jokes usually fall flat. [whale sounds] You'll get your bacon bits in a minute, whale. [Michael Phelps stoner laugh] Oh, don't you start too, stoner Michael Phelps, who hangs out in my aquarium.
[Turns to alternate camera angle] And don't bleep out your *ding*ing swear words. Kids like the naughty. [Turns back to main camera angle]
Authenticity. If the purpose of your video is simply to sell stuff, people see through that right away. Oh wait a second, I think the coffee's done. [As Craig says the word "coffee," his coffee shirt flashes on the screen.] I love it when the coffee's done! [And again]
[Walking to kitchen] Look out for aquarium. Today is the last day you can order the coffee shirt, the shirt based on the inside joke about how I love to get coffee. I'll put a link in the doobly-doo. If you want one, you better go order it today.
[Coming back from the kitchen with coffee, he hops around the whale tank] So, if you wanna know how to go to viral, stick with me, and you won't. But if you wanna know how to develop an amazing, supportive, dependable audience, I might have a thing or two to say. Thank you everybody for watching. I could not do this without you. Well, I could, but I would look a lot more pathetic... and maybe I would be institutionalized. Thank you for keeping me out of the asylum. [Takes sip of coffee]
Now could one of you wink for me, please?
[Whale sounds over viewer-submitted animation of Craig riding a whale holding a piece of bacon in front of the whale's mouth. The whale winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
Parodies of popular songs usually do well too, which is why [picks up guitar and clears his throat] I'm putting this guitar away. [stands up and walks out of frame with the guitar]

Recurring elements

singing rug, alternate camera angle, beardlovers, comments, whale tank, Michael Phelps, *ding*, merchandise, "I love it when the coffee's done!", doobly-doo, wink

Note

The original title was "How to not go Viral." It was changed to "How to not make a Viral Video."

External links

How to not make a Viral Video on YouTube