How to do the Dishes

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"How to do the Dishes"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 450
2011
Original Upload date January 17, 2011
Running time 0:03:32
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro video game outro
Wink submitted by CvrBrthrs
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Sickly Waiter"
Next →
"History 101"

Video

Transcript

[slides in/singing rug]
[Craig's hair is wet and all messed up, standing up on end.]
Hey beardlovers. I feel like I'm finally pulling myself together nicely. Wait a second. [smoothes down his hair in the front] My hair was parted the wrong way in the front. Embarrassing.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Pulls on jacket, licks hand, smoothes down his hair]
There, that's better. [touches his beard] How did this get trimmed? [looks into his palm. razor sound. his eyes widen.]
Our favorite Italian spicy meatball prime minister Berlusconi has been accused of having sex with a teenage prostitute. [reading from article:] Berlusconi denies ever paying for sex.
So tell me, Berls, did you have a sex with a teenage prostitute?
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] Eh, I never pay for sex for nobody.
Good to know but that's not what I asked.
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] Pay for sex, you say? [quoting Berlusconi quote from article] It is absurd even to think that I've paid to have rapport with a woman.
I didn't ask about payment. Did you have sex?
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] Never pay for sex.
I know. You said that.
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] I do not need payment.
True, you may not have paid. An employee could have paid for you. But did you have sex with a teenage prostitute?
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] I do not need to pay for sex.... directly.
I understand that, sir.
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] Look at my beautiful body.
Ahh... what?
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] Look at it.
Whaa...?
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] Just look.
No. That's okay.
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] Just look at it.
Uh uh.
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] Just look.
No, absolutely not.
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] Go ahead. Just take a look at my body.
No.
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] Go on.
No uh uh. No.
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] It's like Italian Disneyland for your eyes.
No I'm not gonna look.
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] It's beautiful.
No!
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] It's a work of art.
What?
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] My body's [???] like-a the Mona Lisa.
[clears throat. looks.]
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] Pretty good, huh?
[looks]
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] You like-a the prime minister beautiful body.
It's an average body for your age. Did you have sex with a teenage girl?
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] I did not have sex with no girl.
Okay.
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] For direct payment.
Grrrrrr.
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] [laughs] You need to calm down. You meet me later tonight. I show you a place where you can relax.
No.
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent smiles and wiggles eyebrows]
What are you doing?
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent:] I'm charming you with my eyebrow dance.
This went to a weird place.
[Craig speaking with an Italian accent wiggles eyebrows and smiles]
Okay, enough about Berlusconi and terrible attempts at Italian accents. Let's move on to a new... [sniffs air. camera zooms in a little. sniffs again. camera zooms in more. sniffs again. camera zooms in even more. sniffs. camera zooms in.] Oh sorry. [breathes out through his nose a few times, the camera zooms out to its usual distance] Sucked in the frame there. I think I smell something.
[sniffs] I think the dishes aren't done. I hate it when the dishes aren't done. If I'm not the one who's supposed to do them.
Clone, you didn't do the dishes! Clone? Oh that's right. I didn't make any clones today. Ran out of cloning fluid. I ate it all. It also works as a spicy chutney. That means I have to do them. Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! [As he screams "no" and sobs a little, Craig walks to the sink. does the dishes, wipes his tears with a dishtowel, sits down in the chair again, stops screaming and crying.] My cries just caused me to black out there for a second. What happened? Seriously. [notices the dishtowel on his shoulder] Oh yeah. Gotta go do the dishes.
[Winkers play the outro theme and wink (ding) wink (ding)]
Those dishes were already done. That's suspicious. But not suspicious enough for me to care because I'm too glad that I didn't have to do them.
Alright, listen up. Remember my Canadian friend Corey Vidal? Well, he just did a video on the actual set that Lost was filmed on. That's awesome. I don't know he got on there. He used some Canadian magic but go check the video out. It's right here. Right there.
[outtakes:] Look at it. Just look. Just look at it. Pretty good, huh?

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, headlines, wink, outtakes

Related videos

Corey's video is here: http://youtu.be/_1ZE5OXScTY
Handstand 76

External links

How to do the Dishes on YouTube