How to Pass the Time

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"How to Pass the Time"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 584
2011
Original Upload date November 17, 2011
Running time 0:03:40
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro video game outro
Wink submitted by Janita1544
Great People
Guests: Matt Weber
Sam Grant
Nate Bartley
audience in NY, NY
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Strange Bedfellows"
Next →
"The New Alphabet"

Video

Transcript

[In the van, Craig is raising and dropping something. Looks like a folded up windowshade.]
Oh hey beardlovers. Just doing my van shade exercises. Gotta be careful I don't pull it down because when I do that... [he pulls the shade down. Immediately falls asleep.]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So we're headed to Atlanta right now and I'd love to talk to you about it but right now I have an urge to stop, think, and lift. [racks focus onto box behind him that says Stop Think! Lift]
[He raises shade] Had an awesome show in Manhattan. [Matt and the audience wave and cheer.] And in Pittsburgh but I forgot to video the audience in Pittsburgh. I'm sorry. I apologize. Sorry. [Closeup of Craig making a weird face.] I'm trying to give you puppy dog eyes. And tomorrow we're having a gathering in Louisville at 5 PM at Cherokee Park at the pavilion on top of Dog Hill. Could you maybe bring acoustic guitars so we have something to play?
So because we've been on so many long trips, we've become experts at passing the time in the van. I like to count things. [points at something] There's one. [points at something else] Two. [points at his head] Three. Oh, four! I thought of something. I'd love to count more, but right now I feel like avoiding temperature extremes. [racks focus on the box onto the box behind him that says something about temperature extremes. An arrow points to box.]
Matt, what do you do to pass the time?
[Matt:] I like to think about all the things I could wash. [grabs sweatshirt] Such as this. [looks at his hand] This. [touches his chin] This. [points to his brow] My thoughts.
What else do you do?
[Matt:] Oh yeah! I shall dance!
[Matt jumps out of the van and dances. The song that's playing while Matt dances is Matt repeating the word 'dance':] Dance dance dance dance dance dance. Matt. I'll do the dancing around here. [song and dance over. Matt plasters himself against a star on a wall (Carls Jr.).]
[Craig:] Matt, you're still forgetting something. What about smelling rawk socks? [hands Matt sock]
[Matt:] Oh yeah! I love smelling rawk socks! [Smells it] Ohhhh! No I don't! Not good! Not good at all!
[Craig:] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Rawk sawk! [Makes a rock sign to camera as title spins on screen: RAWK SAWK!]
[Matt:] Thought I liked the smell of rawk sawks but it turns out that I don't. As should be evident from every other time I've gotten the rawk sawk.
Another good way to pass the time is to just edit it out. [Cuts to Craig again. Text on screen: 5 minutes later] Like that. [Cuts to him again. Text on screen: 20 minutes later] That was helpful. [Cuts to him again. Text on screen: 2 hours later] Even more helpful! [Cuts to him again. Text on screen: 3 weeks later] Whoop! That's too far. Now we're too late. [Cuts to him again. Text on screen: 3 weeks previous] That's better.
[Nate turns around from the front seat:] That's not how time works.
[Craig:] Yeah? What do you know about it?!
[Nate:] Only everything!
[Theme song and opening credit plays. Nate looks out the window of the van thoughtfully, lost in deep reflection. The theme song is Nate singing:] Where did it come from? And what does it mean? Origins! [As song ends, title appears onscreen: 'ORIGINS with Nate']

[Nate:] According to Stephen Hawking, the origin of time is the Big Bang. And we have no control over time! Which is why the sun is ruining this shot! Artifacts tell us the moon was used to measure time six thousand years ago. What do you think about that? Doesn't matter! They artifacts not artopinions. In 45 BC, Julius Caesar introduced the solar calendar. And that's the sun, son! Can you smell what the sun's cooking? My face! And everything! Scientists say time is the fourth dimension. Did I mention I was from the 17th? [Nate disappears as we hear him saying:] You've been originalized!
[As the title ORIGINS appears onscreen, the closing theme song is almost a whisper:} Origins.
[Craig:] Great. Sam, what do you do to pass the time?
[Sam, who's driving:] Nuthin'. [He lets go of the wheel and turns to camera as the theme song starts. While it plays, we can hear the guys protesting while Sam just stares at the camera and looks around, but not at the road.]
[Theme song:] It's time for nuthin 'n stuff, where we do nuthin 'n stuff. [The title on the screen repeatedly during the theme song is: Nuthin 'n Stuff] [The theme song continues as the guys protest (see below):] It's not Hilary Duff. It's nuthin 'n stuff. With Sam. Today's episode... [Title: Today's Episode: "_______________"]
[All the guys repeatedly shout Sam's name:] Sam!
[Matt:] Sam!
[Craig:] Forget it, Sam.
[Matt:] Sam!
[Nate:] Sam!
[Craig:] Yeah, you're doing nothing.
[Nate:] Sam, eyes on the road, buddy!
[Craig:] Oh my god!
[Matt:] SAM!
[Craig:] Oh my god, look out!
[Matt:] SAM!
[Craig:] Oh no!
[Nate yelling too. All of them yell.]
[Nate:] SAM! Stop it!
[Matt:] Oh my god, we're all gonna die. We're all gonna die!
[Matt:] Oh my god!
[Craig:] Sam! Sam! Sam!
[They all yell.]
[Sam looks back at the road.]
[Craig:] Okay.
[Matt:] Don't do nothing again. Ever.
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[A cat winks (ding)]
So beardlovers, I'm doing a new thing that needs your help. I'm trying to raise ten thousand dollars for dowhateverittakes dot org in order to fight youth homelessness. If we reach our goal, I will go to my parents' backyard and build an igloo and stay in it overnight. And broadcast the whole thing live on BlogTV. Follow the link in the doobly-doo to see a video and to pledge. Also remember, tomorrow, Friday November 18th, we're having a gathering in Louisville at Cherokee Park. Please bring acoustic guitars and we'll play some stuff for ya. Info in the doobly-doo. And now onward to Atlanta where we're playing tonight. [Racks focus onto Matt.]
[Matt:] Stop rack focusing on me. [Craig racks focus back to himself. Then back to Matt.] Stop it!

Recurring elements

Driftless Pony Club (DPC), tour video, beardlovers, Rawk Sawk!, Origins with Nate, wink, doobly-doo

Related videos

Craig describes the igloo challenge in this video: Do Whatever It Takes: Freezy Waiter

External links

How to Pass the Time on YouTube