How to Cheat

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"How to Cheat"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 667
Original Upload date July 16, 2012
Running time 0:04:51
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by Raziberry
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Tempting Fate"
Next →
"Coffee and Pancake w/ Rainn Wilson"


Transcript (in progress)

Wheezy Waiter
Hey beardlovers. So today I wanted to give you guys and girls some tips on how to cheat on tests. Because cheaters always win. Firstly...
- What great timing you have.
- Oh, oh really? Why?
- That is so coincidental.
- It is? Do you have a test coming up or something?
- I got my driver's license today.
- Oh, you already had the test. Did you cheat on the test? Wink wink nudge nudge slap slap wink.
- Lol
- Oh, so you did cheat on the test. Nice. How'd you do it?
- Lololol when he opened those 4 umbrellas, I was rollinnnng
- So the guy giving you the test opened up four umbrellas and then he couldn't see the mistakes you were making when you started driving?
- Why did he open umbrellas in the car and did he manage to get all four open?
- Almost. I'm in the northern suburbs, though, so it's not raining anymore, even though it's still gloomy and wet.
- Oh. So you must have been in a convertible? And it started raining and then it stopped raining? But that's not really cheating. That's just coincidence.
- That is such an awesome conincidence.
- Hey, you just made up a word! Conincidence. We'll say that it means taking a coincidence and making it into a con, thereby allowing you to cheat. Get it?
- Hmm? Lol.
- Yeah, you get it.
- Interesting, lol.
- Lol!!
- Hahahaha.
- Lol that's amazing!
- Lol
- Hahaha.
- Rofl.
- But that didn't last very long. I'm sure he closed the umbrellas once it stopped raining and then you still had to pass the rest of the test.
- wtf...
- Sorry to be a buzzkill, but it's true. Did you cheat in any other ways?
- There was a wolf.
- What? A wolf?
- Thanks. I forgot.
- Very funny. I was just reacting by repeating what you said. So what did the wolf have to do with anything.
- My cat was laying on me and when the wolf howled, she freaked the *ding* out.
- Ahh, another conincidence. It distracted the test-giver, huh?
- That's what I just said.
- Well, yeah. But you didn't fully explain.
- Whoopidee doo.
- Okay, but why were you allowed to bring a cat?
- It's my dads bday.
- It's your dads birthday? And you have two dads?
- boobies
- It's... it's your dad's boobies day? And... you have two dads getting boob jobs?
- thanks how did you know?
- You're welcome. I just inferred. But why would your dads getting boob jobs give you special treatment?
- same with my brother!
- Your brother's getting a boob job too? Okay. So you said to the test-giver, 'I'm taking my cat with me because my two dads are getting boob jobs and my brother's getting a boob job today.' And then he said?
- I like how serendipitous all of these events happened.
- Huh. So he's a big fan of serendipity. And he's not that great at the English language. Okay, so you take the cat, a wolf howls and it freaks the *ding* out. That's still just one portion of the test. You would need more cheating to pass the whole test.
- Yes, I seriously hear that.
- Okay.
Are you just gonna sit there and make faces?
How else did you cheat on the test?!
- My dog flipped because of the wolf sound. Hahaha, silly dog.
- You had your dog with you too? How were you allowed to bring your cat and your dog?
- My friends birthday was on this day.
- You had multiple friends who had birthdays on this day too? Who cares if your friends have birthdays anyway? It doesn't give you special treatment.
- It's my birthday.
- It's your birth... ? Well, why didn't you just say that in the first place?
- Happy birthday me. Yay!
- Yes. Happy birthday. That's just peachy. So the dog probably howled all the way through the test, causing another conincidence, distracting the test-giver and allowing you to pass the test without actually doing well. What did the test-giver say after you were done?
- I' so drunk. Why is there a wolf? I like the higgs-boson.
- Oh. So they were a raving drunk. Another lucky break. Alright, let me summarize.
Okay, so you brought your cat and dog to the driver's test and the test-giver's like 'You can't bring those.' And you're like 'Well, my two dads and my brother are getting boob jobs today.' And he's like, 'Oh! How serendipitous all of these events happened. You can bring your cat.'
But you still can't bring the dog so you're like, 'Well, multiple friends of mine's birthdays are today. Also it's my birthday.' And then he's like, 'Okay, you can bring the dog.' Also he's a raving drunk.
You get in the convertible, which is a weird choice for a test car, and it starts raining. The test-giver opens up four umbrellas. And then it stops raining. A wolf starts howling. Your dog starts howling. The cat, which is on your lap, freaks the *ding* out, distracting the test-giver and allowing you to pass the test.
I'm glad you were able to cheat your way through the test and everything turned out okay. Cheaters always win.
- Agreed!
- Excellent. Happy ending.
- No joke I was in a car crash today no joke!!!!!
- Excellent. What? You were in a car crash?
- Two in a day! YESSSS!
- Two? That's not something to be proud of.
- Oh... Never mind then. I learned something today.
- Maybe cheating isn't the best policy.
- Ha.
- That's not funny.
- Oh... I still learned something today.
Wheezy Waiter
- So guess what?
- What happened?
- The Wheezy Wardrobe is getting a massive overhaul. It's become too big. Confusing.
- Probably your own fault...
- Yes, it is. Which is why in a week I'm reducing it down to eight items. And it will always be eight items maximum.
- Under 100
- Yes. Yes, very good.
- Under 300
- Yes, which is more than 100. You're very good at math. Anyway...
Some of the items will no longer exist after this week. Also, everything except the new poster is 15 percent off for this week.
Use the code 'explodesale' because most of the store is going to be exploding into non-existence.
So if there's something that you really want, you better get it this week or I might get rid of it forever.
- No, you won't.
- Yes, I might.
- Wheezy, are you ever gonna clean the whale tank? It reeks of submarine in there.
- Yes, that's probably a good idea. I do like the smell of submarine sandwiches but not necessarily submarines themselves. Hey, the whale's gone. Maybe he went for a swim through the tunnel out into the ocean. It's probably not a big deal.
- This video needs some creepy music.
- Okay. Hmm. Seems like more of a big deal with this music playing. I'll give it a few days, see if the whale is still not there. Then I'll get concerned.
- Okay. Click here to see that video.

Recurring elements

[Coming soon]

External links

How to Cheat on YouTube