Hot Calcium

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"Hot Calcium"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 414
Original Upload date October 26, 2010
Running time 0:02:57
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro video game outro
Wink submitted by Jake Jarvi
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Willis Tower"
Next →
"At the Studio"



[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. [waves with a limp wrist. His hand falls off.] Ohhh.
[Craig walks into frame:] Clone! I told you to take your calcium pills!
[Clone:] I didn't.
[Craig:] No duh. Give the genius a hand, everybody. [Starts clapping. Audience applauds and laughs. Clone smiles and waves with his other hand. It falls off.]
[Clone:] Oh.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Sorry about that. I was gonna have my clone make my video today because I was busy [covers his mouth and mumbles].
Sometimes my clones come out a bit calcium deficient so I have to have them take pills. But he didn't take his pills!
Did you know that calcium is a soft metal but it's not that soft 'cause it hurts when I do this? [punches himself] [Bites down on his finger making nomming sound] That was some hot calcium on calcium action right there. 'Cause calcium's in our bones and in our teeth. But not these teeth. [Opens mouth wide and shows us a couple gold teeth.] That be gold! Yee-haw! I used to grind my teeth in my sleep so now there's gold caps on there. Or maybe I just wanted some extra bling bling. You decide. But if you decide bling bling you're wrong. I used to grind my teeth in my sleep.
So anyway my clone is calcium deficient, lost his hands, and now I have to do the video. Because you can't edit without your hands. Here, I'll show you. I'll edit some previous stuff with my feet. [Craig sits back and extends his feet offscreen where his computer is. We can hears keys being pressed.] [Shot of Craig's computer with his foot poised over the keyboard. VIdeo plays:] Sometimes my clones come out a bit calcium deficient so I have to have... [Craig makes a face/sound of foghorn.] Oh god! What's that smell? [Craig wiggles his toes.]
See? It doesn't work.
Alright I have to go away now for a bit so it's suddenly going to be a bit darker in this video. I'll explain everything when I get back. It's gonna be a little bit for me but it's gonna be a blink of an eye for you 'cause this is the magic of video. Well, it is gonna be a while now because I'm taking a long time explaining it but here I go. Bye.
And I'm back. See? [gestures to window] Dark. It was hours for me and no time for you. That's amazing! Here's why.
Here's the sun. Here's the earth. Here's me. I filmed myself here, turned the camera off, [a flying saucer flies by], moved here [into dark part of the earth], filmed myself again. Amazing!
Maybe I overexplained it.
Wanna know where I went? That's great. Going to bed. Just kidding. I'll tell you.
I'm in this band called Driftless Pony Club. I've been in this band for 11 years.
[Three Craigs in three boxes side by side say in unison:] That's more than triple the length of Wheezy Waiter.
[Craig in right hand box:] Right?
[Craig in middle box:] Yeah.
[Craig in left box:] Totally.
I had to go to band practice 'cause we're in the middle of recording new stuff. [Banjo face] But we're going to record tomorrow so that means I can't make a video. [Sad face/sad music] But... but new stuff! [Banjo face] [Cuts back and forth between sad face/sad music and banjo face for five seconds, with each getting shorter each time] We've already recorded a bunch. Here's a one-second sample. [DPC music for one second] Good, right? Really good. There's a few links in the doobly-doo to some of our older stuff and to our website if you'd like to check us out or revisit us or if you just like to click on things. Ooh, click! [Clicks his computer offscreen] Hmm. That's the most disgusting picture I've ever seen.
While my band's in the studio, I may throw up some stuff [text on screen: gross] of us recording with my iPhone on my channel that's dedicated to just iPhone videos. [gasps] Bet you didn't know that existed. [points to annotation for that channel]
So I'll see you on Thursday. And probably briefly after this.
[Jake:] Ohhhhhhhhh... [39 seconds] [Winks (ding)] Everybody do a Supernote for the Wheeze.
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
We are still in first place for the Supernote competition, beardlovers, but I think Shay's getting restless. [Cocks his head towards the annotation to the Supernote video.] Why am I being subtle? Do it! [points to annotation] Right there! It's right there! It's right there!

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, clone, Driftless Pony Club (DPC), banjo face, sad face, doobly-doo, Supernote, wink

Related videos

Handstand 42

External links

Hot Calcium on YouTube