|Original Upload date||February 18, 2009|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||MrsLuciusMalfoy7|
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[slides in/singing rug]
Morning beardlovers. [blinks slowly. dings. smiles.] I'm out of coffee. [slaps his cheeks to wake himself up] I actually threw it all away because I thought this new Obama stimulus package would keep me stimulated. Political joke. [does a funny smile] Well, during troubling times, I should always turn to my mother's wisdom.
[Craig as his hypothetical mother at the window:] Quit being a *ding* *ding* *ding*opolist.
[Craig:] I don't even know what that word is.
I wouldn't say I'm addicted to coffee. I am, though.
So Wikipedia says... [a bill drops from above] Oh... it's my savings. Just a second. [Throws it back up into the air] Yeah, that shouldn't come down for a couple of days. In case you haven't seen my old movies, that's how I save money. I throw it up in the air and since I'm so strong, it takes a couple days for it to come back down. It's really not a bad interest rate. Point 25 APR. [Change drops from above] Oh! There's the interest. [picks up change from floor] Yeah, okay. [Throws it into the air] There are no fees and you don't have to bother talking to anybody. I did have to have my ceiling removed, though.
So was I talking about ... oh yeah ... Wikipedia says that addiction is an obsession, compulsion, or dependence on things such as crime, [turns his head, as if he's reading something offscreen] video games, excessive gambling, alcoholism, overeating, computer addiction, and pornography. [looks back at camera] That just sounds like they plagiarized last night's entry in my diary.
All kidding aside, I'm actually really addicted to smack. [long pause] Honey Smack. [Holds up a box of Honey Smacks with the S crossed out] I like to cross the S off of things. I hate plural!
[About to take a bite from a bowl of cereal] Oh wait! [laughing] You thought I meant heroin. haha. I can quit that whenever I want. [eats a spoonful of cereal] So yeah, let's have a wink.
[Winker:] Wheezy Waiter, you're much cooler than this creepy doll. [wink (ding)] I wink weirdly.
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
[Wheezy talking angrily to the box of Honey Smacks:] What are you saying to me, Honey Smack frog?!!
This is the first time that Craig refers to his removable roof.
Honey Smack on YouTube