Hole in My Jeans

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"Hole in My Jeans"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 531
Original Upload date July 22, 2011
Running time 0:02:39
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro video game outro
Wink submitted by WDINT
Great People
Guests: Sam Grant
Matt Weber
Jeff Samuels
Episode chronology
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"Heat Wave"
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[Craig is in a van]
Hey beardlovers. Had a really fun show in St. Louis last night. [Annotation over his mouth: two nights ago] And now we're heading to Little Rock, Arkansas. [Annotation over his mouth: Last night]
[Sam:] Seatbelt, Craig!
[Craig:] It's on.
[Sam:] Oh it's on!
[Craig:] It's buckled.
[Sam:] Just listen to OldPersonage.
[Craig:] What?
[comment by olderpersonage appears on screen.]
[Sam:] OldPersonage! GAH! Must untwist BELT!!!
[Craig:] Oh. [Untwists belt.]
[Sam:] YEAH!! [Leans back to sleep. Snores.]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Guess what? Wearin' the same socks I wore yesterday at the rock show. [holds up his foot] Yeah! Rock sock! [Makes rock sign with his hand.] [Title appears onscreen: Rawk Sawk! Episode 1: The Prank] Episode 1. The Prank.
[Craig slowly extends his foot to be next to Matt, who's sitting in the front passenger seat.]
[Craig, to camera:] Sssshhhh.
[Craig wiggles his toes. Matt doesn't notice. Craig wiggles his foot some more. Matt sniffs the air. Looks around. Craig wiggles his toes again. Matt looks down.]
[Matt:] Ohhhhhh! Not good! Not good at all!
[Craig laughs:] Yeah! Rock sock!! [Title appears again: Rawk Sawk!] [Craig makes rock sign with his hand]
So one major problem I have on tour is sleeping in the van. I tried today. [Camera pans from Craig's feet which are propped up, up his legs, where his glasses lie, up to his head, where his eyes are wide open, staring down.]
I could never sleep in vans, trucks, planes, tanks, Grandma's house...
[Sam, who's still got his eyes closed from sleeping:] Litter box, shoe store...
[Craig:] Public bathrooms, the jury box, Colonel Sanders costumes...
[Sam:] Jumanji...
[Craig:] Puberty...
[Sam:] Dinner...
[Craig:] Cars or bumper cars.
Cars and bumper cars are very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car. [The words appear beside him onscreen as he says this: Cars and bumper cars are very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car. -Craig Benzine]
Turns out I did fall asleep for a bit. [Craig sleeping with thought bubble showing that he's dreaming about his new couch. He twitches a little.]
Earlier our Check Engine light went on. [Matt, Jeff, and Sam stand in front of the opened hood of the van in a gas station.] We pulled into a gas station run by a sheriff chicken named Chester. [Closeup of sign of chicken. Craig makes a chicken noise.]
[Jeff:] It'll all work out.
[Craig:] How do you know?
[Jeff:] I know a lot of things. [Craig looks confused.]
[Craig:] Okay.
In other news, there's a hole in my jeans. [shot of hole in his jeans] I find there's a few benefits to this. If I get an itch right there, boom. [Scratches his skin through hole.] Oh yeah! Oh!
I can make sure my legs haven't jaundiced. [Looks at skin through hole.] That's some good color there. Or lack thereof. That lack of jaundice makes me jaunty. [Text on screen: Jaunty Time!] [Music plays as Craig hops around jauntily in a parking lot]
[Matt:] Aww, Juan Dice is gonna think we're making fun of him again. [On phone] Hola. Juan? No molestar. No molestar.
If someone gives me something I don't want, I can pretend to keep it.
[Sam walks up to a jaunty Craig in the parking lot. Sam's brushing his teeth.]
[Sam:] Oh! Hey Craig.
[Craig:] Hi Sam.
[Sam:] I want to give this to you. [Hands his toothbrush to Craig.]
[Craig:] Oh. Thank you.
[Sam:] I always give these to my really good friends when they get old.
[Craig:] Thanks. I'll just put it in my pocket. [Puts it in the hole in his pants. As he and Sam walk away, the toothbrush falls out of Craig's pants onto the ground.]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
Since it's the rockstar way to wear the same clothes... [They go over a big bump. Craig stops talking.]
[Voice from the front:] Sorry.
[Craig:] Hehehe. Yeah, you should be.
Since it's the rockstar way to wear the same clothes for weeks on end, I'll keep you posted on the size of the hole in my jeans. Right now it's about that big. [Holds his finger up to it.]
[Closeup of the sheriff chicken. Craig makes a chicken noise.]

Recurring elements

Driftless Pony Club (DPC), tour video, beardlovers, comments, Rawk Sawk!, Craig quotes, new couch, wink


This is the first appearance of Rawk Sawk!.

External links

Hole in My Jeans on YouTube