Heavy Metal Sun
From Wheezy Wiki
|"Heavy Metal Sun"|
|Original Upload date||November 24, 2010|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Outro||video game outro|
|Wink submitted by||CrazyJ114|
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. So today I really wanted to talk to you about... wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait [turns to alternate camera angle] wait wait wait wait wait [bangs toy keyboard behind him] wait wait wait wait wait wait [turns back to main camera angle] wait wait wait wait wait... I thought I heard something. [starts to get up] EXPLOSION!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Fake zoom! It's WEDNESDAY [turns to alternate camera angle] WEDNESDAY [turns to a new camera angle] EXPLO... [camera fake zooms past him to wall] wait, where are you zooming? [Jumps in front of the camera which is zoomed in on wall] EXPLOSION [sits back down] WEDNESDAY. Maybe. It's an idea I've been tossing around. We'll see if it catches on.
So in the news, [shows headline] The new Harry Potter ... whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa... That's something a sane person on YouTube would talk about. Let's keep it nuts, 'kay? [pans to a different article] Across the galaxy, a new planet and an old star. The Jupiter-size planet orbits a very old star that is nearing the end of its life and may soon EXPLODE, researchers say.
What's the matter? Can't take the heat, old man?! Stars are such pansies. [The fiery angry sun enters Craig's apartment and looms over him.] Oh my god, I forgot you're a star. You're a star. I'm sorry. I apologize. I apologize. [The sun retreats]
If you've watched my previous videos, you know that the sun and I are on very thin ice. And that's not a good place to be with a ball of fire.
Apparently the star has an abnormally low amount of metal. [shows article] Only about one percent of the metallicity of the Sun. Our sun is so metal. [Hard rock music starts playing] ROCK! [The sun enters and looms over Craig again.] Okay, yes. I know. You like more music than just metal. Your... your taste in music is complex and nuanced. [The sun retreats] Music snob. [The sun comes back and then leaves again.]
Astronomer Johnny Setiawan said, [shows article] "We want to study this and see how far the star can evolve until the whole planet is engulfed or destroyed." Which is a statement that strongly implies EXPLOSION. [continues reading] Maybe our solar system will experience the same process in the next two or three billion years.
What?! D... D... Did you know about this? We're gonna burn up in two billion years? [Music starts playing.] You try to work hard every day to make the world better for our children and our children's children, well, at least I'd planned to, when I got around to it, but not anymore. I quit. It's over. [gets up] What's the point? To the alligator pit. [Walks to the edge of the alligator pit, crying. Prepares to jump.]
[A clone enters:] What about the possibility of intergalactic space travel?
[Craig:] Oh! I always forget about the possibility of inergalactic space travel. Thank you, clone. You don't have to do your chores for the day.
[Clone:] Hooray! [Runs and jumps in the alligator pit. Alligator munches.]
It always warms my heart when I don't have to enslave a clone. [Craig smiles. His smile glints and dings. We can still hear the alligator munching.] Wow, he's really chewing on him today.
I don't have a lot of time. I gotta go visit my family for Thanksgiving. I've gotta do some midwest traveling.
[shows article] Midwest travelers, watch out for weather. [Some clouds with lightning bolts appear in Craig's apartments and explode (with thunder). Craig ducks to avoid them.] Whew, thanks for the warning. I didn't want to have to travel this way, but EXPLOSION!
[Craig's mom sits at the table reading the paper. Craig runs through the front door. On fire.]
[Craig:] Hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot [runs out of frame, towards the bathroom maybe] hot hot hot hot hot!
[Craig's mom, without looking up:] Craig's home.
[Craig's dad, who's sitting at the table reading the paper:] Must be Wednesday. [goes to take a sip of beer] Oh no! I gotta work tomorrow.
[Craig's mom, still not looking up:] Tomorrow's *ding*ing Thanksgiving.
[Craig's dad:] That's why I married you! Get drunk! [takes a sip of beer]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[Craig's dad at the table, reading paper:] EXPLOSION!
[Craig's mom:] Stop it! That's not even a *ding*ing thing.
singing rug, beardlovers, wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait..., alternate camera angle, Explosion Wednesday, headlines, angry sun, alligator pit, clone, dinging glinting smile, *ding*, "get drunk!", wink
Heavy Metal Sun on YouTube