|Original Upload date||July 21, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||Jenna|
[Annotation onscreen: this video was supposed to go up yesterday, but I had technical and temporal difficulties.]
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. There's an incredibly awful heatwave going on all across the country right now. Especially right in this area [gestures to an empty space in the air next to him] right about now. [Explosion] [Waves his hand through air there.] Ooh, that is hot. Better cool that down. [Grabs an ice tray and throws ice cubes into that area.] Saves on air conditioning.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
I'm thinking about making this thing called EXPLOSION Wednesday [annotation onscreen: secretly explosion Thursday] every Wednesday. What do you think? We'll try it out. See what happens.
One thing that's definitely a thing is my new couch. [Craig leans against his couch, playing guitar and singing:] New couch! Couchin' its way into your heart. [Craig crawls along the couch] New couch! Buying you was really smart. [Rolls from back of the couch to the floor.] New couch! The cushions taste really tart. [Eats a couch cushion.] New couch! I hope we never part. [Craig rubs the couch] [song over]
Today is the first day [annotation over his mouth: yesterday was] of my band Driftless Pony Club's tour. Tewer. Tore. Tur. Tower. I have the pronunciation power.
What better time than during a terrible heatwave to be stuck in a van for over 7000 miles with three smelly dudes?
During a heat wave, every dude stinks. [These words appear next to him onscreen as he's saying them: During a heat wave every dude stinks. -Craig Benzine]
If you're a stinky dude, you still hate the stink of another dude's stench. [This too: If you're a stinky dude you still hate the stink of another dude's stench. -Craig Benzine]
Luckily on a day like today [annotation over his mouth: yesterday] we'll pretty much just be smelling SHRAPNEL!
Tour info's in the doobly-doo. Our first stop tonight [annotation over his mouth: last night] is in St. Louis. Tomorrow [annotation over his mouth: TONIGHT!] we're playing in Little Rock, Arkansas.
Speaking of St. Louis, we should be leaving in about three hours ago. Three hours ago?!! They were supposed to call me. According to my calculations, they should be about... [gets up and walks to window, opens it. Runs towards window:] EXPLOSION! [He explodes. His apartment's empty.]
[A clone emerges:] Yeaaaaa-hey!
[Another clone comes out of the kitchen:] Is he gone?
[Clone from kitchen:] Wooo! What do we do for fun?
[Clone:] I'm gonna sweep the floor over here. [Walks back to where he emerged from.]
[Clone from kitchen:] I'm gonna jump in the alligator pit. [Jumps and yells as he falls. Lands.] Yay! [Alligator munches.] Aww.... owwww!
[Craig lands in the van.]
[Craig reaches for his seatbelt. Sam leans back to sleep.]
[Craig:] Why'd you guys leave without me?
[Matt:] No molestar.
[Craig:] Matt, you're speaking bad Spanish again.
[Matt:] No to bother.
[Craig:] You mean you didn't want to bother me?
[Jeff:] I knew you'd make it.
[Craig:] How do you know?
[Jeff whips his head around to camera:] You'll find there's a lot you don't know about me. [Craig looks confused.] Explosion!
[Explosive Wheezy Waiter outro with Craig singing:] Wheezy Waiter
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding) wink (ding)]
[Craig's shirt lands on Sam. He throws it to Craig.]
[Sam:] Your shirt fell off.
[Craig:] I've never seen a convertible van before.
[Sam:] It's a conversion van.
Again, we're playing in St. Louis tonight and Little Rock tomorrow. [Annotation on screen: St. Louis was last night. We play in LITTLE ROCK TONIGHT!!!] Info in the doobly-doo. Also, here's some links to a couple more apes getting smarter videos. And an iPhone app to see if you're smarter than an ape.
Did you guys even pack my equipment?
[Sam:] Oh yeah.
[Explosion in the back of the van.]
[Sam:] You play the bag of dynamite, right? Yeah. [Nods]
[A view from inside the bridge of the St. Louis Arch]
[Sam:] Is that where the Arch Bishop lives?
[Jeff:] No. No. That's where your arch enemy is.
[Sam:] I wish my shoes had better arch support. Legend of Archery.
[Jeff:] Do you have any water? I'm feeling kind of puh-arched.
Outro submitted by http://youtube.com/BrandonRoseFilms.
Heat Wave on YouTube