[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[slides in/singing rug]
Good morning scrufflovers. [rubbing his scruff] The hair hasn't stopped growing yet.
Yesterday in Toddly's video his mom said that Todd's going to win. [title on screen: ...the beard competition] Well, Todd's mom, you seem like a nice lady, but I think you're wrong because my mom thinks that I'm going to win. And I don't mean my fictional mom I always talk about.
[Craig as his hypothetical mother at the window:] I don't care about your *ding*ing competition.
My real mom.
[Craig holds his phone up to the mic.]
[Craig's mom:] Todd, your mom is wrong. Craig is going to win.
You see, if you can't trust your mother, who can you trust?
[Craig as his hypothetical mother at the window:] What about Mrs. Robinson, the mom in The Graduate? She was a bad mom.
[Craig's mom:] She has a point.
Don't side with her.
Anyway, there was a poll on wheezywaiter dot com. I asked all of you what's keeping you from doing your pet project. The majority of you said, what project? Come on, guys, get yourself a project! I got one for you. Today, write a haiku. Leave it in the comments.
A haiku is a type of poem where the first line is five syllables, the second line is seven syllables, and the last line is five syllables. Here's an example: My beard is awesome. Todd's beard is not quite as good. Todd will not win... BOOM.
See? Easy. My mom can do it too.
[Craig's mom:] The sunshine is bright. The morning dew makes a glow. Todd will not win... BOOM.
My mom is a haiku master.
Sometimes you say things that you know you have never said before.
When I woke up this morning, if you had told me that I was going to say the phrase 'My mom is a haiku master,' I would have punched you in the face five times, kicked you in the shin seven times, and then punched you in the face five more times for lying. I'd have been wrong. Subscribers, I don't to hear about any haiku fighting going on. That was just an antecdote. [title on screen: you mean anecdote?]
[Craig talking into his phone:] And go. [holds phone up to mic]
[Craig's mom:] Give us a wink, Deelamps.
[Deelamps winks (ding) and says:] I realized that I can only wink with this eye [points to her right eye] but this is the eye that has my bangs that cover it.
[Craig's mom:] I guess you need to to go to the stylist.
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
singing rug, scrufflovers, beard-growing competition, hypothetical mother, *ding*, wink
Haiku Mom on YouTube