[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. I just wanna thank you all for an amazing 2012. Let's watch every piece of video I've made so far this year. [strokes chin] Hmm. Flashback. [Ripple effect to black and white footage] [slides in/singing rug] Hey beardlovers. I just wanna thank you all for an amazing 2012. Let's watch every piece of video I've made so far this year. [strokes chin] Hmm. Flashback. [Ripple effect back to the present] Hmm. So what was your favorite part? Leave a comment below. I'll tally 'em up and make a top 50.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
You know what I've been doing a lot this year? Sitting. Here are the following places I've sat this year. [points camera at his chair and couch] I sat there. [An arrow points to the seat of his chair] There. [An arrow points to middle cushion of couch.] Which, incidentally, is my new couch! Accidentally sat there. [Camera is pointing at his toilet with the toilet seat up] But then I sat there. [Toilet seat's down] And then I sat over there for a while. [pans to his tub] 'cause I accidentally sat there. [pans back to toilet with the toilet seat up.]
Other things that have happened. [shows headline] Dozens of hybrid sharks found.
Oh my god! Shark hybrid? That's awesome!
[Head is turned and there's a musical note on side of his face.] Side note. You know, beardlovers, sometimes I like to save time by combining words. If you see a shark article [text onscreen; Shark Article] just call it a sharticle [text onscreen: Sharticle]. Now back to the shark hybrid.
What'd they find? A wolf shark? [Picture of an animated combination of wolf and shark] A cannon shark? [A picture of a shark superimposed over a cannon.] Tiger shark? [Picture of a tiger shark] That already exists. Spaghetti shark? [Picture of a shark coming out of a plate of spaghetti.] Larry David shark? [picture of a shark with Larry David's head] What is it?
[Reads from article] A cross between the Australian blacktip shark and the common blacktip shark.
So the hybrid is a combo of this and this? [A picture of a blacktip shark and a picture of an Australian blacktip shark] [shakes his head, disappointed] More like a lowbrid. Or nobrid. I'm not even sure if it's a brid.
In other news, [reads headline] Powerball tickets to double in price.
For those of you who don't live in the United States, in other words hate freedom, the Powerball is a lottery ticket game we play here.
Ah, the lottery. All for one and one for...get you! I'm rich! [These words appear beside Craig as he says them: Ah, the lottery. All for one and one for-get you. I'm RICH! -Craig Benzine]
So they're doubling the price and reducing the odds, which means more money! YAY! And that's good 'cause I pick up a lottery ticket every day. Unless it's cold and snowy outside [points camera out window to street below] like today. Or when I'm feeling lazy, like you know, after exercise or an intense video editing session or after I eat or inhale really deeply. That... that gets really tiring. Or you know, when I... look at stuff. Anyway, during those lazy stay-inside times, I play the lottery at home. Did you know you can do that? Check it out. [Text onscreen: How to play the lottery at home.] [Craig carries a trash can into the living room, sets it down on floor, opens wallet and throws a dollar into the trash can.] Oh yeah, it costs two dollars now. [Puts another dollar in the trash. Crosses his fingers.]
You may notice the tuftiness of my hair today. That's because I got up early to make this video [text onscreen: and didn't shower yet.] so I can get into a schedule of making videos earlier this year.
I also haven't had breakfast yet. I think I'll have some granolja boy... cereal.
[Craig's breakfast song plays.]
Ahhhhhhhhhh [Craig rises up from behind the kitchen table holding a bowl, spoon, and box of cereal.]
Granolja boy up in it [pours cereal into bowl]
Bowl! [Craig points at bowl. Text onscreen: BOWL (with an arrow pointing to the bowl on table]
Watch me eat [pours more cereal into bowl]
No high frucTOSE! [holds box of cereal towards camera. Arrow points at the "No High Fructose Corn Syrup' on front of box.]
Watch me pour that milk of soy [pouring milk (Silk) into bowl]
Then spoon supplant that BOWL [text onscreen SPOON SUPPLANT THAT BOWL] [Craig thrusts spoon into the bowl]
A breakfast FOOD [Craig jumps then dances to the right holding his bowl of cereal]
Eat Granolja Boy [Craig eats cereal]
Good with dried FRUIT [Text onscreen: GOOD WITH DRIED FRUIT. (Arrows point at the fruit in the picture on the box of cereal.]
Eat Granolja Boy. [pouring cereal into bowl]
Doctor APPROVED. [Craig leaps to his right, holding his cereal bowl, and dances right.]
Eat Granolja Boy. [pouring cereal into bowl]
Bowels will MOVE! [Text onscreen: BOWELS WILL MOVE] [Craig leaps to his left. Stops suddenly, holding his stomach.]
Eat Gra... [Music stops]
[Craig:] Oof. Ooh. [Rushes out of frame, still holding cereal bowl, presumably going to the bathroom.]
Agh, again? I gotta learn to look at the toilet first.
[Wheezy Waiter dominos outro]
[Viewer-submitted alligator wink (ding)]
[Craig leans forward, like he's typing. Sits back. Zooms in camera on himself. Looks at camera.] Spaghetti shark?
singing rug, beardlovers, new couch, headlines, side note, Craig quotes, breakfast puns, song, wink, outtakes
Granolja Boy on YouTube