|"Goodbye Trophy... For Now"|
|Original Upload date
August 24, 2012|
Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by
Transcript (in progress)
Hey beardlovers. For today's intro I wanted to go on location like
here for example. But then
I decided not to because I'm not wearing shoes and there's dog poop everywhere in my neighborhood.
Do you smell something? Plus I'm not wearing pants or underwear and I think that's illegal.
Oh, that's right. Examples are real. I'm not here.
Cops gone yet?
- Yeah. And they gave me a ticket for public indecency.
- Oh shoot. You're gonna have to pay that.
- But you don't pay me.
- Not my problem.
- It's in your name.
- It is my problem.
- Do you smell dog poop?
Hey, speaking of the digestive system, I haven't eaten yet. I think it's time to How To my way through breakfast.
How to eat cereal.
Step one. Get cereal.
Step two. Get milk.
Step three. Pour milk. Oop, I mean step three is get bowl.
Step four. Eat cereal. I mean, pour cereal.
Step five. Pour milk.
There. Step six. We're ready to eat the cereal. Oh wait! Step six is get spoon.
Step seven. Eat cereal.
Step eight. Punch self in face. Oh, I'm sorry. There is no step eight. Just enjoy the cereal.
Mmm. Now I better How To my way through dental hygiene.
How to dental hygiene
Step one. Floss.
Remember, flossing is a horrible experience. So screaming is natural.
- Aaaaaaaugh! Aaaaaaa!
Step two. Apply toothpaste.
Step three. Brush.
Brush your teeth.
Step four. Spit.
- I'm not gonna barbecue. I just brushed my teeth.
No, spit out the toothpaste.
Step five. Smile.
No kissy faces. Okay... okay. Hugs are okay.
Alright, all set. Beardlovers, I have some bad news.
- The whale's missing again?
- The doctor says you can't have children?
- You put your underwear on too hard and it's riding up your butt?
- Well, well, yes, but no. Get to the alligator pit.
- Oh, that is bad news.
- That's not... that's not what I was referring to.
- You still wet the bed? Is that what it is?
- Just get to the alligator pit!
So anyway beardlovers, we have to get rid of the Supernote trophy. Remember, we got it because we won the Supernote competition put on by Rhett and Link? See? Team Beard, 2010 Supernote champions?
I asked you to hold a single note and we had a longer cumulative note than any other team?
Well, it's been two years, which means Rhett and Link are doing another one and as agreed I have to give this back.
I should have never agreed to it. I tried to keep this, believe me. I tried everything.
I tried licking it but they have disinfectant.
I tried purchasing a deed to it but that doesn't make any legal sense.
I tried shouting "Mine, mine, mine, mine! Not yours! Mine, mine, mine!" But that only works with kindergartners and the one percent.
I even tried going back in time, leaving a note to myself saying 'Don't agree to anything unless you can keep the lungs.' But then when I got back, I realized I wasn't living in this apartment at that time.
What if that person was gonna be a lung donor?
And I have sloppy handwriting. What if they thought I wrote rungs instead of lungs? And they were gonna loan a ladder to someone who was gonna build a famous statue known as the ... I don't know 'cause it was never made.
Should you ever time travel, stop it! Bad times, man. Bad times.
So we have to give it back and join the next competition this year, but I found a loophole.
Perform very well and win it back. Hehe. Suckers. Don't tell. Sshhh. Sshhh.
Now the competiton hasn't started yet so don't submit notes, but just rest your voices. In fact, don't talk for the next couple months.
And in the one hundred percent unlkely case that we don't win it back, I have a contingency plan.
Let's just pretend we won it right now.
Future reenactment. Let's assume I never got a haircut.
Hooray! We did it! Woo! Yay! Woooo! Supernote champions!
- It's Wheezy Waiter.
Hello, it's me from possible future. It was probably nice to meet you at the upcoming Driftless Pony Club shows this Thursday and Friday in Madison and Minneapolis.
Info in the doobly-doo.
Okay, I'm gonna go now. Oh! That door was closed. I should've remembered that, being from the future and all. I'm gonna go this way. Doh! Woman's bathroom. I'll go up. Stupid eagle!
Aaaaaaugh! I'm okay, Chyna.
- I know. I looked over to see if your camera was in here or not. And it's not, so...
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