Freezy Waiter

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"Freezy Waiter"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 85
2008
Original Upload date December 21, 2008
Running time 0:01:59
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro wheezywaiter.com outro
Wink submitted by A girl
Great People
Guests: Ashleigh
Ashleigh's mom
Tracy
Gus
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Lego my Blago"
Next →
"Happy New Year!"

Video

Transcript

[Wheezy Waiter beard intro with the 'Wheezy Waiter clip' song]
So that's my new intro. What do you guys think? You like it? You hate it? Think you can make a better one? E-mail me.
It is really cold in Chicago on this December 21st. And apparently it's cold everywhere else. [headline: Snow, snow (and plenty of ice) everywhere].
I walked three blocks and my face was burning. It's colder than the deep dark pits of hell if hell were ... uhh... freezing instead of burning.
[A clone stands behind Craig, pointing at the window.]
You see this window over here? That's not just overexposure and differing white balance from inside to outside. It really looks like that out there. It's absolute zero. That's zero degrees calvin when molecular motion is at a minimum.
When molecular motion is at a minimum. When molecular melotion is at a minimum. When elecular molotion is aminimum.
Absolute zero is also the chance of me driving today and probably tomorrow.
[Shot of Craig's car completely snowed in]
My car was plowed in by the city of Chicago. Big time. Couldn't shovel it. [Craig kicks the huge mountain of snow/ice next to his car] The ice was as solid as my anger. Mayor Daley, why have you forsaken me?
[clip of Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin:] ] In this universe, there's only one absolute. Everything freezes.
Oh I'm sorry. You're the governor of California. So, Arnold, you think you can get Mayor Daley to show some mercy?
[Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze:] Mercy?
Uhh.... yeah, that's what I said.
[Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze:] I'm afraid that my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy. [fires his weapon]
[Wheezy ducks]
Okay! Point taken! I won't bother you anymore.
[Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze:] Thanks.
You're welcome.
So, since I've been stuck here, I had a chance to go through some of my old tapes. Let's see. Oh, like that tape of my trip to meet my girlfriend's mom.
[In a car. Ashleigh and her mother laugh uproariously in the backseat until they see they're being filmed. They stop laughing.]
[Ashleigh's mom:] Loser, turn that off.
I think I won her over.
Also, one of my old friends just had a baby.
[Tracy holding the baby, Gus] Hello. [She kisses him.]
Congratulations Marcus and Tracy. And Gus? Welcome to the world of internet video.
[closeup of Gus sleeping.] [Wheezy's voiceover:] Yeah, I know I'm boring. Sometimes it makes me fall asleep too.
Well, now I gotta go wrap some presents. But don't worry...
[Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze:] Soon we will be together once more. Soon.
[A girl winks (ding)]
[Audio of Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze:] That's my exit cue. Thanks.
[Title on screen: send more winks]
[Title on screen: wheezywaiter dot com]

Recurring elements

headlines, clone, wink

Firsts

This is the first video in which the Wheezy Waiter beard intro is used. It is used for years after this point although the music changes.

External links

Freezy Waiter on YouTube