|Original Upload date||March 25, 2010|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||Craig's cousin-in-law James|
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Guess what? I got a whole 'nother terabyte of extra space. [holds up new drive] Since I have all this extra space, I don't have to be as efficient with my editing. [sighs. looks around. long pause] Oh, foot cramp! Foot cramp! Foot cramp! [gets up and walks around, sits down again] Think I'll do a little reading. My favorite book. The back of the Indiana Jones DVD. [reads back of Indiana Jones DVD for a few moments] Snakes? [reads some more, looking excited] Riveting.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[reading back of DVD] This film is presented in widescreen format. The black bars on the top and bottom of the screen are normal. [lowers DVD and ponders that for a moment] That's beautiful.
[plays guitar and sings:] This film's presented in widescreen format. The top and the bottom [black bars appear on top and bottom of screen] of the screen are normal. [no black bars now] Why the hell don't they use the whole screen. [black bars return] It's a creative choice. Now just watch the damn movie. [song over]
I kind of like this. Let's see if I can go wider. [bigger black bars appear at top and bottom of screen] Widest screen ever. Eh, I can go wider. [Only a sliver of the image is left. The rest is black bars. Craig's way back in the kitchen.] There we go.
Vertical. [There are black bars at the left and right of the screen.]
Halfsies. [The bottom half of the screen is black.] I like this one because I don't have to wear pants.
Bottom half. [The top half of the screen is black.] I like this one because I don't have to wear a... a shirt. Or bra.
An often underused frame is an old German technique known as the Hasselhoff split screen. [Half the screen is filled by a picture of shirtless David Hasselhoff.] I mean, it's pretty ingenious. Who wouldn't want to look at that for two hours, right? It's like watching two movies. It doesn't have to be that one. It can be this one. [Another picture of Hasselhoff without a shirt on fills half the screen.] Or this one. [Hasselhoff, who's shirtless, bronzed, and shiny, fills half the frame.] Ow! This one makes me squint. Hasselhoff's body is so bright. Put up a different one. [A still of shirtless Hasselhoff from the video where a drunk Hasselhoff eats a cheeseburger fills half the frame] That one makes me sad. Put up a different one. [Hasselhoff, in black shirt and underwear/Speedo, fills half the frame] That one's from my private collection. [Craig pushes it out of frame] Okay... So.... Hehe... So... I think the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done! Wider screen. [Black bars at top and bottom of screen] Wider screen. [Craig backs up in his chair as the black bars at top and bottom get even bigger] Wider screen! [Craig backs up even more. Black bars at top and bottom get even bigger.] Let's go get some coffee. [The huge black bars remain as Craig runs across his room towards the kitchen to get his coffee. Guitar music is playing.] Coffee coffee coffee. [Now black bar is on bottom half of screen as Craig runs across the room towards the kitchen.] Coffee coffee coffee. [Now the black bar is on the top half of the screen as Craig runs across the room towards the kitchen.] Coffee coffee [black bar at the top disappears, revealing that Craig is running shirtless] Whoop! [covers his chest] [Now in the kitchen, black bars appear on the left and right hand side of the frame as Craig runs to the coffee maker] Coffee coffee. [Now split screen with a picture of Hasselhoff, Craig pours his coffee.] Coffee coffee. Yeah, the Hasselhoff frame is the right choice for this shot. [Hasselhoff picture changes to Hasselhoff in the black shirt and underwear] Not that one, though! [Music stops as Hasselhoff picture leaves frame. Craig sighs.] [Craig walks out of the kitchen with his coffee and back towards camera. Sings to himself:] I love it when the coffee's done. [Sound of whale tank cover breaking. Craig freezes. Whale sounds.] Oh no! [Craig falls in the whale tank.] I'm in the whale aquarium again. David Hasselhoff? What are you doing here? Don't take your shirt off! No no no... aaaah! [A bright light emanates from the whale tank] I'm blind!
[James (the winker), who is standing under water that's falling on him:] Hi. Mr. Waiter, I'm James. I'm downstairs. Heard you got a new pet. [looks up. sound of whales] I think we need to talk. [winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[outtakes:] [Craig slides out of frame and back in/singing rug] Hey guess what, beardlovers? I got another drive with one... [slides/singing rug]
[reading DVD] This film is presented in wide... This film is presented in wide... This film is presented in widescreen form... This film is presented in wide... This film is presented in wide... This film is presented in widescreen form...
This is the first video with shiny David Hasselhoff.
Framing 101 on YouTube