Fist Collider

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"Fist Collider"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 282
Original Upload date March 31, 2010
Running time 0:02:25
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by sodapopsays
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Cats vs Dogs"
Next →
"Wheezy Waiter is NAKED!"



[slides in/singing rug] [We can see Craig like we are watching him through binoculars]
Hey beardlovers. Are you spying on me? Put down those binoculars, Mister! Or Mrs. Or Miss. [Binocular shapes disappear from screen] Alright, good. Now that I have some privacy, I can do the naked yoga. [Starts unbuttoning his shirt]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Whew! Limber.
Thank you for all your comments about the cats versus dogs debate. Some of them were very colorful, half of which I agreed with. The half that had nothing to do with liking cats. Some of them almost made me change my mind though. Like this clever retort from MyExTreMeRoMaNcE.
[shows MyExTreMeRoMaNcE's comment:] Hey *ding* you cats are the *shirt*
Wow, didn't think of it that way, Mr. or Mrs. Romance. Attack me emotionally without adding any information for me to respond to. Hmm. Brilliant. Maybe cats are the *shirt*.
KumaRAGE17 writes [shows comment:] Sure, dogs have many other things they can do. But you know what the last job title a cat had was? God of Egypt. Cats win.
Psh. Whaaat? Uh, last I checked, ancient Egypt has failed. Do you see any pharaohs around here?
[Voice from off camera:] What about me?
Shut up, reanimated corpse of Shishaq, the first Egyptian name of a pharaoh mentioned in the Bible. [turns back to camera] It's a long story.
The point is, if your civilization worships a cat, it will not last longer than over 3000 years. Dogs win.
TisiphoneSeraph writes [shows comment] Is it possible to like both? Do we have to draw....
Pffft! I reject the premise of that argument. Liking cats AND dogs. You can't do that. That's like liking war and peace. Crime AND punishment. Pride AND prejudice. Mansfield Park. It just doesn't make any sense! Or sensibility.
rushingspirit28 writes [shows comment] Dogs suck, cats rock. End of discussion.
Yeah but what about the...
[shows comment] End of discussion.
But just one more thing...
[shows comment] End of discussion.
[sighs and then speaks quickly] But why do you think...
[shows comment] End of discussion.
Aaaaaagh! Alright, we're done.
You know what else is done? The coffee. [turns to alternate camera angle] I love it when the coffee's done! Woo hoo! [turns back to main camera angle and spins in his chair and gets up to go get the coffee, but he already has the coffee mug in his hand] I already have it. How'd I do that? Did I just camera angle the coffee into my hand? Hmm.
One quick news item. The large hadron collider that people thought was gonna end the world by creating black holes has finally started smashing some atoms. And the world's still here. I don't know why they wasted their time, though. They could have just used my fists. They move close to the speed of light. Mmm! [Pounds fists together. There's an explosion.] Whoa.
[Dog winks (ding). Another dog winks (ding). Dog owner winks (ding).]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
Let's do that again. Mmm! [pounds fists together. A black hole and a giant vacuum sound start to take over the screen] Oh... oh no... oh no... black hole! black hole! black hole! [Screen is totally black.] Ohhh! Sorry about that guys. We're all dead now. Sorry.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, comments, Shishaq, *ding*, *shirt*, alternate camera angle, "I love it when the coffee's done!", headlines, black hole from pounding fists, wink


This is the first time that Craig makes a black hole from pounding fists.

External links

Fist Collider on YouTube