|Original Upload date||May 8, 2009|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||ethanloomis|
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Hey beardlovers. [waves]
What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
My new Fiesta is now called Wheezy Wagon. Some of you said you don't like that name but over 700 of you voted for it. And Beardmuda is a democracy. And in democracy, majority rules, which means that sometimes you have to put up with things that you don't like. Sometimes for eight years. But that's just hypothetical. Yay America! Freedom isn't free and all that.
Speaking of politics, Barack Obama made some budget cuts yesterday. That got me thinking. Wheezy Waiter Studios should take a good hard look at itself. [acts like he's looking at himself] Hey, [raises eyebrows] hey, you're looking pretty good. [raises eyebrows a few more times. Makes a little bit of a kissy/pouty mouth]
And after a few hours of admiration and wiping the kiss marks off of the mirror, I think it's time we decide what needs to be cut from the budget.
Two maracas? No. [puts one maraca down.] From now on, no more cha cha. Just cha.
Nail clippers? Does anyone even use these anymore? [throws nailclippers]
Band-Aids? Blood clots. [throws box of band-aids]
Three sets of aviator sunglasses? Umm... Keeping 'em all.
[Only top of Craig's head is visible.] No more chair.
[Craig is shirtless.] On second thought, I need the chair. No more clothes, though. [looks down] [cut to him wearing clothes again] On second thought, I need the clothes.
Now it's time for the hard decisions.
[Craig and a clone sit side by side.]
[Craig sighs:] So I've decided I'm just going to do split-screens from now on. You're fired.
[Clone:] But I have seven kids at home.
[Craig:] What part of 'you're fired' sounds like 'tell me about your family'?
[Clone:] And four of them have 13 kids.
[Craig:] 13 each? Or total?
[Craig:] Ahhh, you tried to pull one past me. You're fired. Get out.
[Clone:] Who's gonna massage your feet corns in the morning?
[Craig:] Oh yeah, that's you. You're hired. Come on back. Did you get that cream I ordered? You know, the expensive stuff? Cause it's really... it's really starting to burn.
Alright, no more video. [screen goes black] Okay. And I'm gonna turn the lights off too. [sound of light switch] Cause, uh, you can't seem 'em anyway so... What was I talking about? Alright, let me tell you about what happened to me the other day. I was walking [sound of Craig tripping over stuff] Oh ow ow! Oh god! Oh god! [sound of something else falling] Ohhh! Oh god! Where are the band-aids? [Video comes back on] Okay, we'll keep the video. [looks down] I'm bleeding a lot.
Alright, enough budget-cutting.
In other news, I'm in this web series that a friend is doing called Platoon of Power Squadron, and, seriously, it's gonna be really awesome. I shoot lightning out of my hands. Umm, you can click on this RSS feed pillow and go to his channel and watch the trailer and subscribe. Go right ahead. Don't worry. I can wait. I can wait. I'll do... I'll work on my cha. [picks up the one maraca and shakes it a few times] I don't... I don't know how to do a cha.
There's also a link to a collab I did with Jake, the creator of the show. It's in the doobly-doob.
Another thing we cut from the budget is vetting possible candidates for winking so we're just gonna take what we can get.
[Winker blinks. Looks confused. Blinks again. Blinks again. Holds up a picture of him winking to camera. (ding) Smiles and nods]
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
This is the second video in which Craig calls the description box the "doobly-doob." Close.
Fiscal Challenge on YouTube