[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Music is playing. Craig slowly dances into the frame, drink in hand. Ty is dancing too.]
[Craig:] Hey, man. What do you wanna do today?
[Ty:] We should go to Coney Island, man.
[Craig:] Coney Island? Great!!
[Ty dances out of frame. He applies sun screen in front of a mirror. Craig is also applying sunscreen.]
[Craig:] The sun is not going to hurt me.
[Ty:] Ah, feels so good.
[Craig:] *Ding* you, sun!
[Craig, driving:] You know what? Something's not right here. Oh, I, yeah... [starts raising the window with his arm still resting on it] That's better.
[shot of a rollercoaster] So we're going on the Cyclone, this really old, rickety wooden rollercoaster. [Craig in line:] It's probably the most scared I've ever been in my life.
[In front of it:] Just went on the Cyclone. If you suffer from lack of headache, this is the ride for you. [Ty groans in the background]
So Coney Island's pretty good, but you know what's better? Beer Island. [shoots sign for Beer Island]
[Loud music plays as Ty is talking, but we can't hear him. Craig looks at him, clearly unable to hear him. Ty keeps talking. Craig shakes his head, mouthing "What?"]
[Ty plays air guitar to the music. Craig headbangs]
[Walking down boardwalk]
[Craig:] Good day!
[Ty:] Yeah, it's a good day.
[Craig:] Have a good day. [walks off]
[Ty:] What? [starts crying as sad music plays. Ty on the beach crying. Ty walks down boardwalk alone. Ty plays skeeball alone, wipes his crying eyes with tickets. Ty walking sadly past some food vendors. Sees a large sign. Turns excitedly to the camera.]
[Ty walks, eating a huge pickle. Stops, sees Craig.]
[Craig:] Oh I forgot. We came together. Is that a pickle? Gimme that! [grabs Ty's pickle and takes a big bite. Ty begins to weep again.]
[Craig and Ty walk down boardwalk. Ty is still crying.]
[Ty, crying:] Pickle...
[Craig:] Mmm. This is good.
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
[Ty and Craig in the car in blonde wigs.]
[Craig:] Yeah! Coney Island! Why are we wearing the wigs?
[Ty:] Cause we're at Coney Island, man.
[Craig:] That doesn't make any... that doesn't make any sense.
[Ty:] What do you mean? Dude, we're at *ding*ing Coney Island.
[Craig:] Dude, doesn't make any sense. A wig?
[Ty, upset:] Fine. [takes off wig] Nice work.
[Craig:] Good. Good.
Fear and Loathing in Coney Island on YouTube