|Original Upload date||February 18, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Outro||video game outro|
|Wink submitted by||TheCoachQueen18|
[slides in/singing rug]
It's a nice bright sunny day today so I had my removable roof removed. Removable roof removed removable roof removed rrrruuu rruuu rruuu-
So I can just lay back, take in the sun [yawns] [eagle flies overhead] [Craig still yawning] This yawn is going on for a really long time. [yawns] [eagle poops and poop goes into Craig's mouth]
Aaaugh. Owww oh god... coffee. [drinks coffee]
Wait, I accidentally bought hazelnut coffee. I'm allergic to hazelnuts.
When I eat nuts, my throat swells up, I get hives, [starts singing] Here and now... I sing Luther Vandross songs. [singing] I promise to love.... [wheezes]
Oh god, inhaler... cap's on... oh, it's empty. Oh god! [singing] I promise to love faithfully. You're all I need. [whale tank cover breaks. Craig falls in.]
[still singing] Here and now I promise to... [grabs blanket from bed] Oh god, cold. Need a blanket. Oh no... now my blanket's wet.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Hi. I'm Wheezy Waiter. Alive and breathing. See? Breathing is my thing. [breathes rapidly]
That intro was staged except for the bird poop in the mouth. Bird poop in the mouth is always a surprise.
[Title appears on screen: Bird poop in the mouth is always a surprise - Craig Benzine]
It was a test. If you laughed in that intro or found it mildly amusing or annoying or you hate me, you failed. You lack empathy. What's that? You don't think so? Ear slap. [Ear slap.] You do. What's the matter? That ear slap hurt? I don't care! We're talking about empathy!
Why don't you have empathy? Well, CNN rhetorically asks, Is the internet killing empathy? [shows article]
I just de-toricalled your question.
I mean look at the kids in the picture. There's no empathy in those cold, cold eyes. There's also no USB port on their laptop. Haha. Loser kids with no USB. How you gonna plug in your external drives? You suck!
Back to empathy.
[Speech impediment guy:] What's the difewence between empaffy and sympaffy, Wheezy Waitoe?
Well, sympathy is caring for the suffering of others. And empathy is putting yourself in the other person's shoes because you understand what they're going through. Observe.
[Craig is sitting next to a clone. Craig punches the clone.]
[Craig:] Oooh man, I feel bad for you. That must hurt. I have a lot of sympathy. I don't really know if it hurts because it's never really happened...
[Clone punches Craig.]
[Clone:] Oooh I empathize with that. I was just punched not too long ago and I know exactly what that feels like.
[Craig:] I have empathy now too.
[Speech impediment guy:] I appweciate the elabowate visuow aid Wheezy Waitoh.
So why is the internet killing empathy? Well, we spend countless hours desensitizing ourselves by watching things like a girl throwing puppies in the river, people falling down and hurting themselves, sending clones to alligator pits, a kid getting bit on the finger by a smaller kid.
Owww Charlie, that really hurts. hehehe. Charlie bit me.
Did you laugh at that? Shame on you.
[A clone sweeps the floor in the background.]
Nowadays when we see somebody hurt themselves we're less likely to put ourselves in their shoes and think, "Ahh, that hurts when that happens." Instead we're like... [Sweeping clone in the background trips and falls. Craig laughs.]
[Clone:] The broom broke.
Do it again! Do it again! No? Fine. Pause. Rewind. Play. [The scene of the clone falling pauses, rewinds, and replays while Craig watches.]
Hahahaha! Never mind. Never mind. Forget it. We don't need empathy. It's too funny.
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
Hey, it's me again, from way long time ago in a land before the credits.
I'm still answering questions over at vyou dot com so if you'd like a question answered, go over there, follow me, and ask me a question. Or if you just want to see me answer the other questions. I had a question once, and I wanted it answered so I can empathize. See what I did there? I brought it back to the theme of the video? Yes!
Also still have some shirt/album bundles left if you'd like one.
And check out my iPhone channel for a four-part Chicago Field Museum tour if you'd like to. And if you wouldn't like to, why? I feel rejected. You've felt rejected before, right? You know what that feels like. Empathy empathy empathy empathy. Try to be more empathetic from now on.
[Clone:] Seriously, I broke the broom.
[Craig tries to keep from laughing.]
[Clone:] What? What? What? What? What? What?
I appweciate the... I appweciate the elabowate... I appweciate the elabowate wis... I appweciate the elabowate visuow aid Wheezy Waitoh.
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Empathy 101 on YouTube