Hello. I'm the internet's Wheezy Waiter. Just wanted to let you know that today's episode is a very special episode. I attempt to do things that I actually have no idea how to do. Things that actually I probably shouldn't do. I try to cover a Pat Benatar song. And poach an egg. Ever try to do things that you don't know how to do? Well, maybe this weekend, you should. And let me know how it goes. Now, without further ado, here's Eggs Benatar.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Unh. [Footage of Wheezy playing a cover of Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker," making a few mistakes along the way (lyrics below), is intercut with footage of him cooking. The song plays throughout. Footage of Craig putting on water to boil, holding up a packet of hollandaise sauce to camera, emptying it in a separate pan, adds milk and butter to the hollandaise sauce pan, stirs, puts on bacon to cook in a separate pan, cracks egg, separates a muffin with a knife, takes bacon out, slides egg into water, takes out a poached egg, shows it to camera, nodding, shot of muffin with bacon on it, Craig places egg on top, spoons some hollandaise sauce on top of the egg.]
Your love is like a tidal wave. Spinning out of my head.
You're drowning me in promises better left unsaid.
You're the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy. Invincible winner, and you know that you were born to be... You're a heartbreaker. You're a heartbreaker. Lovemaker. Dreamtaker. Don't you mess around with me. You're a heartbreaker. Dreammaker. Lovetaker. Don't you mess around. No no no.
Your love has set my soul... Your love has set my soul on fire. Spinning out of control. You [babbles].
[Craig cuts the egg and starts to take a bite, and then turns quickly to camera:] Oh *ding*, it's Free Bagel Friday.
[Wheezy's boss is about to take a bite from bagel. Craig runs up, punches him. The line "I guess it's just what I must do" from Human League's song "Don't You Want Me" plays over a still of Wheezy's fist, the bagel, and Mike's face. Mike flies backward, knocking over lots of stuff. Craig takes a bagel, turns and leaves.]
[Craig, in front of his boss on the floor and the bagels] Alright, Mike Ivin, give us a wink.
[Mike Ivins:] Oh, if you insist. [wink (ding)]
[wheezywaiter.com or youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
So now I know how to play "Heartbreaker" and poach an egg. What do you know how to do?
breakfast puns, song, *ding*, Free Bagel Friday
Eggs Benatar on YouTube