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WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 461
Original Upload date February 11, 2011
Running time 0:06:32
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro video game outro
Wink submitted by AndersMauritz
Great People
Guests: Matt Weber
Sam Grant
Nate Bartley
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Stretch Stretch Stretch"
Next →
"For the Love of Day"



[slides in/singing rug]
Beardlovers, my band Driftless Pony Club's new album is currently now available for preorder now at the moment currently. Right this second. Immediately. At this time. Forthwith. These days.
The album officially releases on February 25th but if you pre-order a physical copy, you can download the whole album right now. With four extra super-secret tracks, early demos of our new songs recorded on Garage Band. It's awesome. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa [the "aaaaa" sound continues as Wheezy takes a sip of coffee. After the coffee, he opens his mouth again like he's still making the "aaaaa" sound]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Can you tell I'm excited about this? I'm excited about this. Here's why.
This isn't something where I'm like, oh there are people watching me on YouTube, I can be a rockstar. Pfft. This isn't some sort of joke band or Wheezy Waiter sings the hits. I am the lead singer of the band, though. Ladies. [raises eyebrows a few times and they boing]
This is a rock band that I've been in for about 11 and a half years. We've played over 200 live shows and we've toured around the country three times [title over Craig's mouth: 4].
I met these dudes in college at UW-Madison where I majored in Communication Arts Radio Television Film. After I graduated, instead of pursuing a career in film and entertainment like most normal people, my band decided to move to the nearest big city, Chicago, to see if we could make it work. So I needed a flexible job so I got a job as a waiter.
Now I don't know if you noticed but the early 2000s was one of the worst times to pursue a career as a musician. The music industry was being destroyed, indie labels died, and there were more bands than ever. Yet we continued making songs and playing shows, mostly assuming it was going to go nowhere. Spending five years or so just making things for the sake of making things has made me who I am.
I grew frustrated as a waiter, knowing that I had video editing skills, so I decided to just make videos for the sake of making videos. I was sort of hoping good things would come of it. I didn't expect this. But I still operate under the same principle that the work I'm creating is for the sake of the work itself. It's just there are a lot of people watching now.
And my band is the same way. We're very serious about every song we make. I say 'my band' but it's really 'our band.' It's just confusing to say 'our band.'
[Craig and a clone sit side by side.]
[Clone:] Hey man, you wanna go get wasted?
[Craig:] No, sorry, I gotta go practice with our band.
[Clone:] We're in a band?
[Craig:] No! OUR band! [punches the clone]
[Clone:] Oww.
It's also kinda dangerous.
The music you're hearing is a song from our band's new album. We're inspired by bands like Modest Mouse, Built to Spill, Superchunk, a little bit of Weezer, Pixies, Katy Perry, not Katy Perry.
Even Craig with a Wig likes our band. Right, Craig with a Wig?
[Craig with a Wig:] I heard it. [Theme song:] He's Craigity Craig Craig with a Wig [piano key] [Craig with a Wig smiles]
That's actually a rave review from him.
Our band also does other things together, like take long walks in the snow, talk about the movie Highlander.
[Sam and Matt walk together in the snow.]
[Sam:] So, I mean, there are mortal princes, like, battling through time to, uh, to see who can be only one.
[Craig and Nate walk together in the snow.]
[Craig:] Why does it seem like we're getting more snow on us than they are? [looks over at Sam and Matt]
[Nate:] I don't know.
[Matt, to Sam:] Like, let's say you get, you know, you get cut in half...
[Nate, to Craig:] He's a sub teacher?
[Craig:] I think that, no, I think that's Higher Learning.
[Matt:] What if I just get cut right here? [points to near the top of his head] Like at the top of the...
[Sam:] Whoa! [points upward]
[Matt looks upward:] Oh yeah, there's a mountain.
[Sam:] It's a huge mountain.
[Craig:] What's Sam... what's he talking about over there?
[Sam, still looking up:] It's covered in snow.
[Matt:] That's... Yeah, that's good snow. [Sam runs to his right, out of frame] Where are you going?
[Craig, looking up:] He's going to climb that mountain.
[Matt:] Not again.
[Craig:] Sam's really dumb.
[Nate:] Yeah.
[Craig:] He's got a big heart, though.
[Nate:] No.
[Craig:] Oh yeah, I was thinking of Matt.
[Sam on the mountain:] Help!! Hey guys, I'm stuck in things.
[Craig:] That was quick.
[Matt:] Somebody gonna help him?
[Craig:] Matt, you gotta go save him.
[Nate:] Yeah. Big-hearted.
[Matt:] Alright. [starts doing a few stretches]
[Craig:] He looked very limber [??] [Matt rolls his neck] Oh, I'm glad you remember to stretch your neck. That's important.
[Nate:] Yeah.
[Craig:] A lot of people forget that.
[Matt runs out of frame, towards the mountain]
[Sam:] No! Not Matt! He's got a bum leg!
[Matt tries working his way up the mountain:] I'm coming, Sam!
[Sam:] Hey Matt.
[Matt, almost where Sam is:] Hey.
[Sam:] How's it going, man?
[Matt:] Oh, pretty good.
[Sam:] You know, once you get to about this point, you can't go any further but you can't go down either.
[Matt flops down beside Sam:] What?
[Sam:] Yeah, once you get all the way up here, you can't ... see? Up there?
[Matt:] There's gotta be a way.
[Sam:] No, you can't get down. See? Look at it.
[Matt:] Gosh, well, yeah. We're stuck.
[Sam:] Up but not down.
[Matt begins yelling:] HELP! Help!
[Craig, to Nate:] I think you have to go. Save 'em.
[Nate:] I'll do it!! [runs out of frame, towards the mountain]
[Matt, yelling:] We need help!
[Sam:] Be quiet, man! [They talk over each other.] What's up?
[Matt:] I'm good but I'm stuck on a mountain.
[Nate is climbing the mountain with a giant stick.]
[Sam, to Matt:] Don't, don't grab onto me, you're going to pull me down. I'm going to fall.
[Matt:] But I'm going to fall if I don't grab onto you.
[Sam:] Well I'll grab onto you too then. [Sam grabs Matt's head, Matt grabs Sam's jacket.] Oh hey! Nate's coming!
[Matt:] Yeah, we're good. We're safe.
[Nate falls]
[Matt:] Wait... where did he go? Where's Nate?
[Sam:] Agh, he must have gotten eaten by a mountain goat!
[Matt] What... that can happen?
[Sam:] I don't know, but, you know, what.... He got eaten by a mountain goat!
[Matt:] Oh my god.
[Sam:] For sure.
[Matt:] We need help again.
[Craig, who's been looking upwards, begins to slowly walk away from the mountain.]
[Matt, yelling:] Hey!! Craig!! [Craig walks away] He's not coming for us.
[Sam:] He's not coming for us? What are we gonna do?
[Matt:] We're alone.
[Sam:] We're all alone.
[Craig, who is walking away, stops and ponders for a moment, sighs deeply, shakes his head, turns around and runs towards the mountain.]
[Matt and Sam's faces are close together. They look like they're about to kiss.]
[Sam:] Oh, there he...
[Matt:] He's coming! He's coming back!
[Craig, climbing the mountain:] I'm a hero! Now. I thought I wasn't going to be a hero, but I am.
[Matt reaches out his hand for Craig to grab it:] I got you!
[Craig, as he grabs Matt's hand:] You got me!
[Matt:] We're gotten.
[Matt pulls Craig upwards, towards him, and embraces him as Craig flops down beside him.]
[Matt:] I got you!
[Craig:] Made it!
[Matt:] Oh, saved!! Uh, Sam fell.
[Craig:] I know. He's grabbing my foot.
[Sam holds onto Craig's foot while screaming.]
[Sam:] Aaaa! Aaa, your toes are so small!
[Matt:] Do you think you can get him up here?
[Craig:] It kind of tickles. I'm trying a little bit.
[Matt:] Here, give me...
[Craig:] Whoop, oh!!
[Sam's hand slips from Craig's shoe. He yells.]
[Craig:] Whoops.
[Matt:] Oh, there he goes.
[Sam falls down the mountain, yelling]
[Craig:] Wow, still falling.
[Sam still falling down the mountain, yelling]
[Matt:] It's a long way to fall.
[Craig:] He's falling quite a bit.
[Sam continues to fall, yelling]
[Nate walks up, above Matt and Craig on the mountain]
[Craig:] Oh hey!
[Matt:] It's Nate!
[Craig:] Nate!
[Matt:] Hey!
[Craig:] Hey guy!
[Matt:] Hey, how's it going? How'd you get up there? I thought you were eaten by a goat!
[Nate:] What? Do you know how long it would take a goat to eat a human? What?
[Nate pulls Matt up.]
[Craig:] Rescued!
[Nate pulls up Craig.]
[Craig:] We did it!
[Matt:] We did it.
[Nate:] We did it!!
[Shot of the three of them standing on top of a small snowdrift.]
[Craig:] Well, let's go.
[Craig jumps off the snowdrift in a giant leap and runs out of frame (left). Nate walks down and out of frame (right). Matt slides and then rolls down. Remains lying at the bottom.]
[Matt:] Oww.
[Shot of Sam falling and yelling]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
So to reiterate, the album is released on February 25th. If you pre-order a physical copy right now at dftba dot com, you get to download the album for free, with four extra demo tracks. You'll be e-mailed a one-time link for download so don't click it on your phone. You won't be able to click it again. And I mentioned before we're touring. Tour dates below. In March. Well, the tour dates are there now. We're touring in March. And if it's not your kind of music, well, that's... that's cool [shrugs]... I... it's fine... it's... whew, it's awkward.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, Driftless Pony Club (DPC), boinging eyebrows, clone, Craig with a Wig, wink

External links

Driftless on YouTube