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WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 532
Original Upload date July 25, 2011
Running time 0:03:33
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro video game outro
Wink submitted by cmculbert
Great People
Guests: Jeff Samuels
Sam Grant
Matt Weber
Crazy Jeff (from Austin)
Man Factory
Mike Lombardo
audiences in Little Rock, Dallas, and Austin
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Hole in My Jeans"
Next →
"Where we are Going"



[Jeff is in the van, looking at his phone.]
[Jeff:] Guys... we need to stomp.
[Sam:] What?
[Matt:] Why?
[Jeff:] Stomp NOW!
[They all stomp. Graphic of the van shortening because of the stomp and then popping back up to regular height. It passes under a fallen limb as it shortens.]
[Sam:] Whoa! We just missed that tree branch!
[Camera zooms in on Jeff, who turns to camera:] I know.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Craig floating in a pool with sunglasses on. Voiceover:] Oh man. Life on tour is hard. Where to begin? Currently in Austin Texas at our friend Jeff's. [Shot of Jeff floating in the pool.] That's Jeff. Not our drummer Jeff. Crazy Jeff. He's crazy! One time he drank a half a gallon of orange juice with pulp on a bicycle. The pulp was in the orange juice, not on the bicycle. Well, on the bicycle in the orange juice Jeff was holding. Then it was inside Jeff on the bicycle. Crazy!
Me? I need to relax. 'Cause the band made me drive. [Shot of Craig driving.] Jerks.
We had an awesome show in Little Rock a few days ago. [Shot of audience waving and yelling.]
Then we thought our car broke down because it wouldn't start. [Jeff standing in front of open hood.] Sam took it in stride.
[Sam:] Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? [Runs away]
Then drummer Jeff said something mysterious again.
[Craig:] I thought you said it will be fine.
[Jeff:] What will be already was.
[Craig:] What are you talking about?
[Jeff turns to camera:] All will be revealed in time.
Yeah, I still don't know what he's talking about.
I'm glad we had extra time, though, because I got to polish up on my Elton John.
[Craig plays piano (very badly) and sings:] Can you feel the love tonight? That is where we belong. [turns to someone offscreen] Your piano needs tuning.
I also saw that the people we stayed with had The Lonely Doll. [shot of book called A Gift From The Lonely Doll.] Aww. That story is probably adorable. Maybe not. Lonely dolls are creepy. [Craig stares intensely. Zoom in on dolls. Dun dun dun music. Rapid cutting back and forth between dolls and Craig.] Creepy!
Then I decided to play with their fine china. [Shot of their glassware. Shot of Craig. Sound of breaking glass. Craig looks freaked out.]
[Shot of Jeff floating in pool.] One time Jeff loved something so much he set it free. Who does that?! Crazy!
Turns out the car was fine and we headed to Dallas where we played with Man Factory, an awesome band. [Shot of them playing.] The venue, Opening Bell, was nice. [Shot of audience waving and shouting.] But they probably would have gotten more spit if they didn't spell it backwards. [Shot of empty jar for Tips]
I wore a helmet cam to show you what it's like to play in a rock show if you have fisheye lenses for eyeballs and they're on your forehead. [Shot from helmet cam.]
[Shot of Jeff floating in pool.] One time Jeff successfully incubated an ostrich egg. The ostrich died when it was three in an unrelated accident. Crazy!
Then I sat in a chair made for giants. Then I ran into Mike Lombardo in the parking lot. We crossed the tubes [Mike filming him] and nearly destroyed our dimension.
Then we played a really fun show in Austin with someone from The Green Man Group in the audience. [Shot of audience waving and cheering. Someone dressed from head to toe, no skin showing, in green.] He creeped me out so I greenscreened him into someone else. [Scarlett Johansson superimposed over green man.]
[Shot of Sam, Craig, and Matt floating in the pool.] Then we ended up at Crazy Jeff's. This is Matt's only appearance in this video. [shot of Jeff] Man, he's so crazy. He's actually about to die right now. And now he came back to life.
So now you're all up to speed. [Shot of Craig floating in pool. Sam swims up.] We're playing a show in Albuquerque tonight July 25th. [Sam emerges from the water.] And then tomorrow in Phoenix. All the dates are below in the doobly-doo. Wait... what's going on? [Sam laughs maniacally as he flips Craig's floating raft and dumps Craig in the water. In slow motion.]
[Craig:] No!
[Sam laughs and throws his arms into the air:] Yeah!
[Craig:] No!!
[Sam:] Yes!
[Craig, still in slow motion:] What are you doing?
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Music plays as Sam emerges from the pool in slow motion, shaking his head back and forth.]

Recurring elements

Driftless Pony Club (DPC), tour video, Scarlett Johansson, doobly-doo, wink

External links

Drifting on YouTube