|Original Upload date||March 23, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Outro||video game outro|
|Wink submitted by||InTheGarageTV|
|No. of Attempts||3|
|Did His Wallet Fall Out?||No|
|No. Without the Wall:||1|
[slides in/singing rug]
Oh hey beardlovers. So the other day I found some amazing treasure and then I hid it. I made this map so I can find it again. [holds up a hand-drawn map, points to places on the map as he describes it] You gotta sail across Lake Drippy, around Old Branchy, through Farmer Pete's pasture, up Climby Mountain and underneath Steve's boulder. EXPLOSION marks the spot. [The map explodes.] That's why I can never find my treasure.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So, guess what day it is today? Go on. Guess. Wrong. It's EXPLOSION Wednesday. Oh, is that what you guessed? Well, you're still wrong cause it's... I'm not even sure if it's a thing yet. This has been another edition of [singing] Unanswerable Questions [title appears on the screen: Unanswerable Questions] [Craig smiles. His smile dings as it glints.]
So there's currently a lot of bad news happening in the world. But there's great news for one particular business. [reading article:] Sales of luxe DOOMSDAY bunkers up 1,000 percent. One thousand percent? That's like one hundred times ten.
[Turns to another camera angle, labeled onscreen as Math Cam] It's exactly that, actually.
[Turns back to main camera] I'm in the wrong business. Don't get scared of death. Get rich. Then die. [As he says this, a title appears on the screen: Don't get scared of death. Get rich. Then die! -Craig Benzine]
Thankfully I don't have to purchase a bunker while prices are skyrocketing. [Turns to his right] Open up the secret hatch [Sound of a hatch opening just off camera] Walk down the stairs. [Craig leaves the frame, apparently walking down stairs. Cut to Craig in a very tight space.] Ahh, a luxurious bunker. I got a hammer if I want to get fixy [holds up hammer]. For medical emergencies, I got Vitamin C [holds up a bottle of Vitamin C]. Also for medical emergencies... [holds up a bottle of Jim Beam]. I got a number slide game [holds it up], which will provide minutes of fun. A book of puns [holds it up], or as I like to say book of funs. Wart remover [holds it up] and an exploding pen [holds it up] for Wednesdays. [The pen explodes as he puts it back down] I probably shouldn't have an exploding pen.
[Craig walks up a couple of stairs and gets back into his chair in its regular position] So that's my bunker. [sneezes] Oh, caught a sniffle. [grabs Vitamin C and Jim Beam, looks from one to the other, goes to pour some Vitamin C into the Jim Beam bottle]
Don't drink, kids. Unless it's coffee. [sniffs the air] Speaking of, I think the coffee's done. I actually love it when the coffee's done. For real.
[As Craig gets up, there are two explosions near his chair. Cut to a clone in the sky with the eagle, throwing down exploding pens and cackling] Ugh, Revenge Clone. I guess this is going to require some acrobatics. [Grabs his jacket, which is labeled on the screen as "Fire-proof jacket," grabs the whiskey, leaps into the air, explosion, lands and rolls on the floor, explosion, throws whiskey bottle in the air as he does a handstand near the kitchen doorway, explosion explosion, moves the position of his hands so his handstand now faces the other direction, explosion, reverts back to original handstand position, explosion, comes out of handstand, grabs whiskey bottle, takes off his jacket and he runs into kitchen, extinguishes an explosion on the kitchen table with his jacket as another explosion sails over his ducked head, slides across the kitchen table, yells:] Noooooooooo! [as an explosion heads his way, covers himself with his jacket, explosion bounces off the jacket, does a reverse somersault off the table, lands on the floor, throws the whiskey bottle in the air towards Revenge Clone, whiskey bottle explodes sending Revenge Clone and the eagle sailing off in different directions. Craig puts his jacket on. grabs the coffee pot from the coffee maker and takes a sip:] Not strong enough. [puts it back in coffee maker]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
Oh hello again. Hang on a second. I'm a little bit famished from all that acrobatics. Let me take a breather. [takes a breath] Good. I've done yet another video with Morgan the Orabrush tongue. If you go there, subscribe, like, and comment, you could win things. Leave a comment saying what Morgan and I should do next and you could win either a Flip Ultra and two DPC CDs or the Buckminster bundle. [raises his eyebrows a few times] Furthermore, EXPLOSION. [black screen]
[outtakes: Craig, in his kitchen, does a handstand with his legs bent. This must be where the reverse somersault footage came from.]
singing rug, beardlovers, Explosion Wednesday, dinging glinting smile, headlines, math cam, Craig quotes, exploding pens, "I love it when the coffee's done!", Revenge clone, handstand, wink, Orabrush, outtakes
This is the first appearance of the math cam.
Doomsday Bunker on YouTube