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WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 269
Original Upload date March 13, 2010
Running time 0:05:58
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro Sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by katesmeow
Episode chronology
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"Who Wants To Be A YouTubillionaire 2!?"
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"Igloos vs Teepees"



[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. I took the way off work today. [title on screen: yesterday] What better time to do something that's mundane, difficult, and takes a long time?
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So way back last year in June my band Driftless Pony Club was planning to do a live show on the internet. It fell through, I asked you for punishments, and this is the one I came up with. By came up with, I mean someone else came up with it and I chose it.
[Clip from video where Craig chose the punishment he'd do] jimbobjun writes [shows comment] "For a punishment I think you should try and make a domino rally with cds, dvds and books, and other rectangular objects that would work." Awesome suggestion, jimbobjun. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna round up all the rectangular objects that I own and they're gonna fall over.
[counting on his fingers] July, August, September, October, November, [title on screen: Why did it take me so long to remember December?] December, January, February. That was about eight months ago. Today's the day. [Title on screen: yesterday] And I'm gonna answer some Twitter questions while I do it.
[Craig tilts camera down to show his bookshelf and himself sitting in front of it. He sighs.] Here we go. [DPC song "Thanks, Earthquake" plays throughout the video when Craig is collecting and arranging objects] [Sped-up footage of him taking CDs off shelf. Shot of CDs on the floor in stacks. He sighs, exasperated. Sped-up footage of him taking down DVDs from shelf.]
AlmightyShteve asks [shows tweet] "How many CDs do you have and which one is your favorite?"
Well, that many. [shows stacks of CDs] And that one. [points to the stacks] I hope that answered his question.
[Sped-up footage of taking more stuff off the shelves. As he removed something, one of the shelves starts to fall. He catches it and laughs.] Oh, man. Why is that happening? There's a peg loose or something. [As he messes with peg, another shelf falls below the shelf he's working on. Then a shelf above falls, almost hitting him in head. He laughs.] Oh my god! Wow. Good shelf. [He removes a shelf and kicks the side of the bookshelf.] Let's pretend that's gonna work. [Sped-up footage of removing more things from his bookshelf. As he bends down to work on the lowest shelf, there is a black box that says "Censored" on the screen censoring out his lower back] Shelf cleared. [gestures to show empty bookshelf. Or what used to be a bookshelf.]
drawkward writes [shows comment] "Is your beard is so manly that it creates such a static build up that it acts as a flux capacitor making time travel possible?"
I don't know. Let's find out with these pajama pants. [rubs pajama pants against his beard. Looks out the window. Oldtimey piano music plays as he sees a black and white world and an old automobile and people dressed in old-fashioned clothes (okay, it's a photo) outside his window] Oh wow. Guess it worked.
[Sped-up footage as Craig begins placing the books in a line, standing up so that when they fall, they'll fall like dominos. After placing about six objects down, he places one book that begins to fall.] Oh! Oh ho ho! That almost fell over. I'm not using that one. [puts it aside. As he steps back to continue his work, one of the books falls, knocking over the others] Oh my god! [Sped-up footage of him placing them back up. As he places a DVD, he accidentally knocks over some of the other books.] Wow. [Sped-up footage as he places more objects in a line. He's making good progress, well into the kitchen, when he places down a copy of The Road which tips over, knocking over a bunch of CDs.] No!! [He runs after falling CDs to stop them falling and laughs. More sped-up footage of him placing objects.]
Hey, Craig with a Wig, could you make me some coffee?
[Craig with a Wig, standing by the coffee maker:] How to make coffee. Put the filter in the thing. Fill this stupid thing up with stupid water. Slap some stupid coffee in there. Turn it on. And then question your *ding*ing stupid existence.
[Craig:] Thanks Craig with a Wig.
[Theme song:] He's Craigity Craig, Craig with a Wig! [Craig with a Wig smiles]
[More sped-up footage as Craig attempts a Rube Goldberg like connection with scotch tape from the floor to a book on the kitchen table. CDs wobble a little on the kitchen table] Whoa! Shaky table. [Craig places more objects down.]
personunknown asks [shows tweet] "Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?"
Well, Mister Unknown, [blows raspberry] or seven.
[Sped-up footage of Craig placing more objects down. He's now made his way out of the kitchen again.] Three hours later, last one. Star Wars: Dark Saber. [puts it down on floor] Wooo! [walking through kitchen] Alright, I have some failsafes to fill in. [carefully and slowly places objects down in the failsafe gaps] One. Two. Three. [tries a few different positions for the third fill-in] Four. [Shot of the whole path of CDs, books, VHS tapes.]
Alright, here we go. ]exhales deeply. Pushes first book with his finger. Objects fall like dominos. Until they don't, midway through the kitchen. Music stops every time the objects stop falling like dominos but resumes when the falling continues.] Oh it stopped. [Pushes VHS tape to get objects falling again, and they fall like dominos until the kitchen table.] Oh! The tape thing didn't work! Oh well. [pushes over book on kitchen table and objects fall like dominos for a second before they don't again.] Oh! That didn't work either. This is terrible. [Pushes CD to get it going again. It stops again.] Eh. [And goes again until it's done.] Close enough.
[Winker sings outro theme and winks (ding)] Wheezy Waiter [and sunglasses outro graphic is visible]
Martha S writes [shows tweet] "One last Twitter question for you after the last three hours: Do you feel punished?"
Uh, has Lindsay Lohan been to rehab? Uh, does George Lucas have no neck? Seriously, take a look at a picture. He doesn't have a neck. Uh, do I have a receding hairline? Uh, is the opposite of no yes? Uh, is the distance around the earth at the equator 24,901.5 miles? What I'm trying to say is yeah, I think I feel I punished.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, Driftless Pony Club (DPC), Twitter, Craig with a Wig, *ding*, wink

Related videos

The video in which Craig chose this punishment is 6am.

External links

Dominooooooooos on YouTube