Doctor Clone

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"Doctor Clone"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 521
2011
Original Upload date June 21, 2011
Running time 0:04:01
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro video game outro
Wink submitted by kittykatie94
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Time 101"
Next →
"Shocking Headlines Ignite Fiery Passion"

Video

Transcript

Hmm. I wonder what I should talk about today on Wheezy Waiter, head wiggle, head wiggle. [Reading his computer, which is offscreen] Aretha Franklin hurt herself by tripping over her shoe while singing A Woman Falling Out of Love? Haha! They coincide. Haha. [slides out/singing rug] I love laughing at the misfortune of others. Here goes. [slides in/singing rug] Hey beardlovers. Today Aretha Franklin... [hits the tripod as he slides in. Camera shakes.] Owww! I hit my foot on the tripod. Ow! What a horrible albeit deserved twist of fate. Owwww! I think I'm bleeding.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Extreme blood loss going on here. Let's talk about the news.
[shows article] Paris to Tokyo in 2 1/2 hours? At the Paris Air Show, apparently a couple amazing hypersonic airplanes were unveiled. [Craig, who's been blinking slowly, groans.] Ugh, gotta stop the bleeding. Bandaids. [Holds up a box of Bandaids. Throws them downwards.] Oww! [Reading from article:] EADS's Zero Emission Hyper Sonic Transport with the clever name ZEHST ... ZEHST... ZEH... will be powered by biofuel made from seaweed. EADS says the plane's three engine types will allow it to speed at Mach 4.
I don't know what the crap that is.
[Reads from article again] Around 5000 kmh.
Oookay. What's a kmh? I'm from the U.S. King's mile per hour? Is that like an English thing? My foot hurts. Aren't you supposed to put some sort of cream on your cuts to clean 'em or whatever? I got toothpaste. [holds up toothpaste] Maybe that'll work. [Leans down almost out of frame.] Dab dab dab. Dab dab dab. Ooh, that's burny.
Anyway, it'd be pretty cool to have an airplane that could take you from Paris to Tokyo in two and a half hours. But that just means I'm gonna have to drink a lot faster cause I'm not about to get off a plane sober.
Oh boy, I think I reached the pass-out point. [Craig collapses backward in his chair, snoring. Music plays as a clone in a white doctor's coat emerges from a door behind him.]
[Clone:] So, Mister Craig, I understand you had a bit of an accident. Oh, you're asleep. Wake up! Hey! Hey! [In closeup, we see the doctor clone is wearing a nametag that says "Doctor Clone M.D." and one of those reflecty things on his forehead.] Hey, wake up! Wake up! Hey! [The doctor clone starts slapping Craig's face as Craig continues snoring.] Wake up! Hey! [The doctor clone sticks a couple of fingers in Craig's mouth, tries opening Craig's eyes.] Wake up! Wake up! Hey! [He puts a finger up Craig's nostril. Craig wakes up.]
[Craig:] What? Doctor Clone? How?
[Doctor Clone:] Us clones are getting smarter. Like those apes in the Rise of the Planet of the Apes movie. And like apes in reality. Like this clip of an ape walking upright. [Nods to a clickable annotation to that video.] And this clip of an ape playing a first-person shooter. [Nods to another clickable annotation.]
[Craig:] Whatever. Just make my foot be not not good. Look, it's bleeding.
[The doctor looks down at Craig's foot where there is a can of tomato sauce with some tomato sauce coming out on the floor next to Craig's foot.]
[Doctor Clone:] It appears you're getting dumber. That's spaghetti sauce. When's the last time you ate?
[Craig:] Just a couple days ago.
[Doctor Clone:] Why?
[Craig:] I was gonna make spaghetti but I couldn't find the spaghetti sauce. I'll never find that sauce. Harumph!
[Doctor Clone:] Let me check your vitals. [Puts stethoscope up to Craig's cheek and hears his heart beating.] Hmm. Left ventricle sounds okay. [Puts stethoscope under Craig's chin.] Ventricle... Hmm. [Puts stethoscope up to Craig's chest. Hears music.] Luther Vandross? Alright, let me take a look at that foot.
[Craig cries out in pain as doctor touches foot:] Ow, right there.
[Doctor Clone:] Okay, let me take off that shoe. [Takes off shoe]
[Craig:] Ow! See? When you touch it there, it hurts. Ow!
[Doctor Clone touches Craig's foot. Craig doesn't react in pain. Doctor Clone touches Craig's shoe, which he's holding. Craig cries out in pain.]
[Craig:] Ow ow OW!
[Doctor Clone throws the shoe back towards the kitchen.]
[Craig:] No! Ow! My foot! Owww!! My foot! Ow! Ow! My foot! [stops suddenly] Oh right right right. Shoes aren't feet, are they?
[Doctor Clone:] No. Here. Sign this. [Hands Craig some papers.]
[Craig:] Oh. Oh sure. Okay. Yeah.
[Doctor Clone:] Right there. Yeah. Sign there. [points to "Sign here ________" on paper] Yep. Sign over there. [points to "Sign here ____________" on same piece of paper] Sign there. [points to another Sign here _____________" on same piece of paper.] Don't sign there. [Points to "DON'T SIGN HERE! _______________" on same page] Don't sign there. Picture of a poodle. [Points to a picture of a poodle on the page.] Sign there. [Points to "Sign here ____________" on the page.] [Craig goes to write on Doctor Clone's finger.] Watch my finger! Right there. [Points to another "Sign here _______________" on the page. Craig draws on Doctor Clone's finger.] Ow!
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
The Paris hair sh... Hair show? Hair show. Paris hair show.
[Title on screen below the ape video annotations: Click one of these to watch apes be smarter than me.]
[Doctor Clone holds up shoe. Craig beside him:] Oh right right right. Shoes aren't part of your feet, are they?
[Doctor Clone touches the shoe.]
[Craig:] Oww! Ow!! [Doctor Clone throws the shoe.] No! Ow! My foot! OW! Oh right right right. Shoes aren't feet, aren't they?
[Doctor Clone:] No. I think we're done here. You gotta sign this, though.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, headlines, Doctor clone, wink, outtakes

Firsts

This is the first appearance of the Doctor clone.

External links

Doctor Clone on YouTube