Hey beardlovers. [puts his hands up in air. sped-up footage of him twirling around in his chair a bunch of times] Oh dizzy. [blinks slowly] Want to tip this way. [leaning to his left]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[head swaying] I'm still dizzy because of the vestibular system in my inner ear. A fluid called endolymph is moving in the wrong direction. I hate it when the endolymph is moving. Endolymph, chill out! We're okay. Okay, I think we're good.
[turns to alternate camera angle:] Nope, still moving. [falls out of chair and onto the floor]
[lying on floor] My endolymph is feisty today. You're a feisty little one, but you'll soon learn some respect. EV-9D9 says this to R2-D2 in Return of the Jedi. What could I possibly do with that knowledge?
So this is it, I guess. This is where I'm spending the rest of my days. [sees something near him on floor] Oh! Combos! Hey-o! [picks up the bag]
Ah! Vestibular system! I hate you! But I need you.
I guess it's just me and this oscillating space heater. [to space heater that's next to him:] What do you say about that? [It turns away.] Oh, don't look away! Space heater! We go back so far.
Guess you don't know who your true friends are until you need them the most. Or maybe I should stop making friends with household items. Ain't that right, spatula? [Spatula enters frame and turns away from Craig] Aww, spatula! Aww! What are you doing in my bedroom anyway?
[Title on screen: 2 hours later]
[Craig is still lying on the floor, singing now:] Spinnin' down the street, moving endolymph, slippin' on everything. Laid back, with my mind on the ground and my body on the ground.
Hey, I think the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done! I'm slidin' over. [Craig slides towards the kitchen and when he gets to the kitchen door:] Ooh, gets a little bumpy here. Ow. My back. My back. Ow! Ow! [now in the kitchen, he slides along the floor towards the coffee pot. Looks up at coffee pot.] Uh oh. [Camera tilts up to show how far away it is. Tilts back down to Craig. Closeup of coffee pot. Craig's hand grabs it from below. Sound of it dropping and sizzling flesh.] Ahh! My face!
[Winker:] Wheezy Waiter, I have a bone to pick with you. You really need to stop swearing. It makes people buy things like this. [shows the Wheezy Waiter t-shirt he's wearing. Title on screen: Oh Shirt!!!] Come on, man. [winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[Craig is offscreen, calling from the kitchen] Hey! I think my endolymph is finally back to normal! [Runs in from kitchen] No! Absolutely not! [Runs uncontrollably to his right. Sound of falling.] Hey there recliner. What's going on, buddy? [Recliner turns away from him] Aw aww, what? Awww.
beardlovers, alternate camera angle, song, "I love it when the coffee's done!", wink
Dizzy Dizzy Dizzy on YouTube