Holy crap!! [Craig runs in from the kitchen and runs up to the camera] It's another episode of Wheezy Waiter. [makes an excited face]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
I thought I had the day off today. [Title on screen: So I slept in.] I was gonna do this amazing episode since I had all this time with clowns and acrobats but I have to go back into work. Something came up. That phrase can mean something sexual. Duty calls. Not... not much better.
[Title on screen: 30 minutes later at work]
[Craig is at work, sitting at his computer, wearing his headphones. He presses a key over and over again.]
[Title on screen: 8 hours later]
[Craig is still at work, slumped far down in his chair, still hitting that same key. Something on screen catches his attention for a moment and he sits up for a moment, hits another key, and then resumes his slumped position, hitting the new key over and over again. Looks like he's falling asleep.]
[Title: 30 minutes later]
[back in his apartment, rubbing his finger] Ugh, I keep forgetting to get button-pressing gloves.
So in my last video, I asked you to compare and contrast differences between the Northern and Southern Hemisphere. And a lot of you gave great comments. But there must have been at least 20 percent of you that claimed that toilet water flushes in opposite circular directions in each hemisphere. That's completely false. There's a link in the doobly-doo that proves it.
Ah forget that, I'll show you. Here's my toilet. [shot of toilet flushing] [title on screen: counter-clockwise] And here's a toilet in Brazil. [drawing of Wheezy on an airplane (Air Brasil). airplane zooming sound. shot of toilet flushing.] [title on screen: counter-clockwise] [drawing of Craig on an airplane flying in the opposite direction from before. airplane zooming sound.]
I had a Brazilian interior decorator design my bathroom. [side by side shots of toilets flushing, labeled "my toilet" and "Brazil toilet". Appears to be the same bathroom.] And he also had a client in Brazil.... that I found. You believe it.
In other news, today baseball player Mark McGwire admitted to using steroids in his heyday. By heyday, I mean the period of his success when he was in his prime. Baling hay. He also played baseball. And didn't bale hay.
Hehe. I thought of that joke when I was at work. Wanna see? [Craig at work, pressing a key over and over again, looks up for a moment with a thoughtful expression, nods, looks back at the keyboard, pressing key again.]
Mark McGwire revealing his steroid use was the right thing to do and I think it's already done great things. For his publicity. Which is why I'm going to reveal to you a dirty little secret. This entire video has been supplemented. With coffee. [lets out a gigantic sigh] Daaaa [breathes deeply]... feels so good to get that off my chest. That's not even good enough. You know what? I'll show you. There's a link in the doobly-doo to a video on my alternate channel that has everything in this video after I come home from work. Except that I end every shot with a drink of coffee. Even this shot. But you don't get to see that cause you're watching this version. Publicity, gimme some.
One last bit of news. There's a fellow from Nebraska by the name of Dan Brown, not the author, who goes by pogobat and is very prominent on YouTube. He made a video all about me. In particular about how, at some point in the future, I will rise to power and become an evil dictatorial ruler of a galactic empire. And by promoting me and speeding up my rise to power, he believes he will cause my evil empire to end sooner. This promotion brought in a lot of new subscribers and I greatly appreciate it. Thank you Dan. Welcome, new subscribers. You can see me but I can't see you. Or can I? But all that business about me ruling an evil galactic empire should I rise to power... well, Dan, [turns to alternate camera angle, speaks in an unusually low voice and his eyes turn red:] Thank you.
[Winker:] If I was in the Southern Hemisphere, I would blink, and it would be in a different key. Let's try that. [blinks (piano key)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[outtake:] Which is why I'm going to reveal to you my dirty secret that causes a trend that I hope incites other YouTubes to follow... [title on screen: YouTubes?]
[Clickable annotated video appears on screen with text below: Click on the image above to see the coffee version of this video.] [In the video, Craig sips coffee:] Mmm. [Sips coffee again, licks his lips, sips coffee and strokes coffee mug.]
comments, doobly-doo, headlines, alternate camera angle, wink, outtakes
The coffee version of the video is here: Caffeinated
Dan's video promoting Craig that brought in many new subscribers is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXfNToF-q6g
Decaf on YouTube