Corruption 101

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"Corruption 101"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 434
2010
Original Upload date December 9, 2010
Running time 0:02:46
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro video game outro
Wink submitted by Kangakool
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Clone in Space"
Next →
"Project for Awesome 2010"

Video

Transcript

[Craig doesn't have a head.]
Hey beardlovers. Banjo face! Oh that's right, no head. [He puts his head back onto his body.] There we go. I had an exact replica made of my old head. This is not a clone head. Nope, nope, [Shakes his head forcefully.] Not a clone. Oh! [His head falls off.] Where's the glue?
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[His head's back on.] Okay. So I wasn't gonna do a video today but I had a good reason. I thought I was gonna be too busy exploiting democracy for my own financial gain. But then someone told me...
You can't do that. It's Anti-Corruption Day.
What? What's corruption?
Using government for your own financial gain.
Oh, alright I'll just do some extortion.
That's corruption.
Money laundering?
Also corruption.
Drug trafficking.
Corruption.
Traffic trafficking.
What kind of traffic?
Humans.
That's human trafficking.
Okay.
Also corruption.
Ooooh!
Bribery.
That's corruption.
Whatcha want?
What?
Name your price.
Huh?
Whatcha want?
What?
Name your price.
To say that bribery isn't corruption?
Hehehe. You said it. Not me.
Grrr! Now you corrupted me! I'm gonna go start a Ponzi scheme.
On Anti-Corruption Day. Shame on you!
[sighs]
[raises his eyebrows, smiling]
What are you doing?
Subtly indicating that I wanna join your Ponzi scheme.
Stop it.
[Raises his eyebrows some more]
That's gross.
So anyway, created by the UN [shows Wikipedia page] December 9th is Anti-Corruption Day. Happy Anti-Corruption Day!
Craig with a Wig has strong feelings about corruption.
[Craig with a Wig:] Political corruption requires talking to politicians. And I hate... requirements.
[Theme song:] He's Craigity Craig, Craig with a Wig. [Craig with a Wig turns his head and smiles] [toy piano key]
The following are things you should not do on Anti-Corruption Day. CORRUPTION! Or murder. You shouldn't... well, you should never murder. Or double park. That's really annoying. But to re-emphasize, DON'T DO CORRUPTION! I'm looking at you, Rod Blagojevich. [picture of Blagojevich] My super corrupt ex-governor. No I'm not, I'm looking off to the left. I can't look at you. AUUGH!! What is it I used to call you?
[Clip from old video:] You so sexy.
No, wrong flashback.
[Clip from old video:] Rod Blagojevich is a *ding*ing *ding*hole.
There it is.
Technically, you're not really corrupt. You were only charged with one out of 23 counts in a court of law to which you replied, [reads quote from article] "I didn't let you down." Yeah!! [reads another quote] "The jury has shown the government couldn't prove that I did anything wrong." Hmm?
Son, did you steal a cookie from the cookie jar?
Mom, I didn't let you down. Cause you can't prove it.
Did you?
I already answered that question.
Yes or no?
Not without reasonable doubt.
Define reasonable doubt.
Define cookie.
[Breathes frustratedly]
Is that it over there?
Hmm? [turns head]
[shoves a cookie in his mouth]
[turns back] I don't see anything.
[talking with his mouth full] Oh never mind, I thought I saw it.
Speaking of people found not guilty, [shows article] Jim Morrison wins indecent exposure pardon.
Oh thank goodness! I have sworn off The Doors ever since he was arrested because I don't listen to criminals. Let's see what they've made since then. [Leans towards his computer, singing:] Break on through to... [leans back] He's dead.
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding) and outro theme:] Wheezy Waiter
Welcome to the stuff after the closing credit. I didn't have anything planned for you. [Boing sound as a blemish is highlighted.] This head is flawed! [Smacks the side of his head. It falls off. Puts on a new head.] That's better. [The same blemish is highlighted (boing sound)] No it's not!
[pointing at window] It gets dark out so early now! I'm actually filming this at noon.

Recurring elements

101 videos, beardlovers, Wikipedia, Craig with a Wig, Blagojevich, *ding*, headlines, wink, boinging blemish

Related videos

Craig not having a head at the beginning of the video is a reference to the previous day's video, Clone in Space.
The video Craig shows clips from is Lego my Blago.
Handstand 60

External links

Corruption 101 on YouTube