[slides in/singing rug]
EXPLOSION! EXPLOSION! EXPLOSION! EXPLOSION! Flowers and birds and bunnies and kittens. EXPLOSION!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Hey beardlovers. It's WEDNESDAY [throws exploding pen] WEDNESDAY [throws another exploding pen] EXPLOSION WEDNESDAY [Big explosion. Craig's gone.]
Thank you, clone. I'm sorry you had to explode but they're gonna get a real kick out of that.
So Explosion Wednesday is this new idea I had. I tried it out once or twice. We'll see if it becomes a thing. It still needs Oprah's approval. Oprah?
In the New York Times [shows article] The bartender played with FIRE. A bartender at a New York bar called the Apotheke, who's known for lighting his drinks on fire, got into some trouble. He doesn' thave an open flame permit and the bartenders have filed lawsuits against him for safety and junk. Facing criminal charges for attempted arson. But still, way to keep the fire going.
Flaming drinks aren't that big a deal. Sometimes I like to take a little oil and pour it on the top of my coffee, which is done. Which I love. And then you just light 'er up. [Flicks lighter. Puts flame on top of mug. A fire burns.] See? it makes it a lot more pretty, doesn't it? Then you just blow it out. [Blows it. It doesn't go out. He smiles. Blows again a couple of times. The fire rages on.] Or you just drink it. [Goes to take a sip] Ow ow! Ow! [Sound of alarm going off] Oh no, the smoke alarm's going off. I'll have to take the battery out. [Sounds of fire engines] Sounds like a neighbor called the fire department. Just a moment.
[Title on screen: a moment later...]
Cleared that up. No big deal. I might have to go to court. And jail for a little while. We'll see. Not sure if it's a thing.
In other news, European astronomers unveiled something awesome. Sextuplet EXPLOSION! Actually, six images of six different galaxies. But all those galaxies are made of billions of stars so that's billions of explosions. I think my favorite is that one. Maybe that one. Or that one. The arrow moved. You can't tell. It was right next to the other one. But my favorite in the entire universe is our sun. Love you, Sun. Pound it. [Sun enters Craig's apartment and looms over his fist] Ow! Hot hot hot hot!
In other news, Fox takes HEAT from left and right over analysis. [Reading from article] The conservative NewsBUSTERS and liberal Media MATT... oh, just Matters... are aiming FIRE at Fox News' Geraldo Rivera and Judge Andrew Napolitano.
The left AND right attacking a news story. That's unusual. [Flames come at Craig from his left.] AGH, that burns! [Now coming from both sides] Agh, that burns in such an unusual way.
Apparently Geraldo and Napolitano are perpetuating the belief that the third building in the World Trade Center that fell was not due to the fires from the first two but from something else. [dun dun dun music and zoom] Conspiracy conspiracy conspiracy.
Apparently most other news organizations think that's wrong. As do I.
I don't buy into conspiracy theories most of the time because they're usually three things. Stupid. Dumb. And really dumb. Why is there less depth in this video today? Oh, the door's closed. EXPLOSION! [It opens. There's a clone standing behind it.]
[Clone:] I hate you!
[Craig:] Angsty clone?
[Clone:] Your oppression ends now! [throws an exploding pen at Craig, who ducks as the pen explodes.]
That was close. Why is angsty clone so angry? At least it's just one clone and not all of them rising up against me. Wait a second.
[Slow-mo replay of clone throwing the pen.]
Is that a second exploding pen? Conspiracy conspiracy conspiracy.
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
So if you're from Europe and you wear a shirt, there's now a European store in the Wheezy Wardrobe. European folks can use this code [cover of The DaVinci Code] Not that code. EXPLOSION! This code. For free standard shipping until December 8th.
Also when I first put up my video yesterday I had the wrong link for the video I did with Shay Carl and Corey Vidal, Santa versus Santa. Here it is again. [points to annotation] Check it out. Now I have to go figure out who threw that second exploding pen.
[Sound of Quiet Clone mumbling quietly offscreen:] I did it. I'm sorry.
What? [Craig looks all around]
[Quiet Clone:] I did it. It's my fault.
What?! [still looking around]
[Quiet Clone:] I did it. Over here.
[Quiet Clone mumbles something.]
I can't hear what you're saying.
[Quiet Clone:] I'm really sorry. [Mumbles unintelligibly.]
singing rug, Explosion Wednesday, beardlovers, exploding pens, clone, headlines, "I love it when the coffee's done!", angry sun, Angry clone, wink, merchandise, collab video, Quiet clone
Video Craig did with Corey and Shay: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bhJoB9TaW8
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