[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Today is April 8th. April Smarts Day. Check it out.
[A clone enters from the kitchen.]
[Craig:] Hey clone, there's chocolate in the kitchen.
[Craig:] Yeah, you can have it.
[Clone turns and runs into the kitchen. Craig tries to suppress laughter.]
[Clone, coming out of kitchen eating chocolate:] Wow! You weren't joking!
[Craig:] April Smarts! [tries to suppress laughter]
[Craig:] I got you. I got you.
[Craig:] Totally got you.
[Clone:] I don't get it. What? I don't get it.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So today, kids, I wanna teach you about compromise [text on screen: compromise]. It's like computer [text on screen: computer] but instead of puter [picture of pewter replaces the 'puter' in word 'computer'] it's promise. [picture of a ring replaces picture of pewter]
Now I know what you're thinking. And you're wrong. Moving on.
Compromise is when two opposing parties find themselves at an impasse and they need to both make concessions to find common ground. People love common ground. [picture of a park] Weird ground is just too weird. [picture of weird ground] It hurts my ankles! Higher ground [picture of Stevie Wonder's single Higher Ground], now that's funky. Too funky. Seriously, it sounds like porn music. I just listened to it. If that guitar had any more bounce, my clothes would be static free. [picture of Bounce fabric softener] And outdoor fresh. But as the case may be... [smells his jacket] ooh! Stank town!
Have you heard of The Great Compromise? It's a history thing. In the U.S. in 1780blah, a new branch of government was created - the US congress. Some states were like, we should be represented based on population, and other states were like, we should all have equal people per state be sent to the thing. So they compromised, and two houses of Congress were created. The House of Representatives, to which each state sent a varying amount of white men to represent them by population, and the Senate, where each state sent two white men. Isn't' that great? Compromise. [Craig smiles. His smile dings as it glints.]
And from that point on, both houses of Congress lived in harmony and got along perfectly well with no conflict at all... hehehe... our government is shutting down.
Compromise works best when...
[Clone:] Hey Craig...
Shut up! I'm talking about compromise!! [As Craig says this, words appear on screen next to him: Compromise works best when - shut up! I'm talking about compromise! - Craig Benzine]
So anyway, the govern...
[Clone:] I can't sweep the floor.
[Craig:] Why not?
[Clone:] My wrist hurts. I think you've been doing too many handstands.
[Craig, saying sarcastically:] Oh! Well, then don't worry about it! Why don't you just get drunk? Don't even do any work all day long. There's a box right there on that chair. Go ahead. Pick it up. [Clone picks it up.] Open it up. There's a bunch of booze in there. You'll get drunk.
[Craig:] Go ahead. [suppresses laughter] Just open it up. Go on!
[Clone opens box.]
[Clone:] Ooh, there's a bunch of quality Scotch in here! [takes out bottle of scotch]
[Craig laughs:] Hahahaha! April Smarts! Hahaha! I got you.
[Craig:] I got you.
[Clone:] So I can still drink this, right?
[Craig:] So gotten! I got you.
[Clone:] I'm confused. I can drink this though, right?
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro graphic can be seen as winker-submitted outro theme on piano plays over a shot of sign for Beard St. Camera pans to car where winker winks (ding)]
Hey, what if I told you you could five dollars off any one of my shirts in my Wheezy Wardrobe if you use one of those codes over there? [suppresses laughter] April Smarts. You can.
[outtake:] In the United States in 1780blah, a new branch of government was... [phone chimes] Ugh! [picks up phone] A new branch of government is needed to stop texts from interrupting my videos!
101 videos, singing rug, beardlovers, clone, dinging glinting smile, Craig quotes, wink, merchandise, outtakes
Compromise 101 on YouTube