[slides in in a different location/different singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. I'm visiting my parents' house right now. Forgive me. The rug sounds a little bit more ... [looks down at the red rug and sees the Soviet symbol superimposed on it] red? [Russian music plays] Hahaha. Get it? 'Cause Communism? You know, the... the sociopolitical movement that aims for a classless society that's structured upon, uh, communal ownership of the means of production and the end of wage labor and private property? Hehehe. Did I overexplain that?
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So anyway I'm here at my parents' house celebrating my early birthday. Not that my birthday was itself early. We're celebrating my birthday on a day that is earlier than when I was born. Not that I haven't been born yet but the birthday marks an anniversary of the day I was born. You know what early birthdays are!
So tomorrow I'm turning 30. Yeah. In YouTube terms, that's, like, as old as Gandalf. But I just watched the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and I think I'm aging backwards just like him. Sure I might look my age to you right now but the way we perceive things is in comparisons. For instance, this color [points to a red box on the screen] isn't very dark unless you compare it to this color. [box becomes lighter red]
My face isn't very small unless you compare it to [extreme closeup] my face now!
The earth isn't moving unless you compare it to the sun. [The fiery angry sun looms over Craig] Aaah! I'm just comparing. I'm just comparing. I'm not doing anything. [Sun retreats] The sun doesn't like me.
But I recently compared my face to my high school photograph behind me, and I think I'm getting younger. Check it out. [As Craig stands next to high school photo, a baby's head is superimposed over his head.] See? Here's me in high school and here's me now. It's subtle but you can kinda tell.
[No more baby head] See? [He shifts camera and leans so that the high school picture is in frame behind him. The baby head is superimposed over his head. He leans and adjusts the camera so the picture isn't in frame. His regular head returns. He does it again.]
And here's a picture of me when I was born. [A birth announcement that says "It's A Boy!" with a picture of a baby with a long beard superimposed over its chin.] See? Getting younger.
For another comparison experiment, let's go talk to my mom.
[Craig's mom is sitting at the table.]
[Craig walks up:] Hey Mom, I'm conducting an experiment...
[Craig's mom:] Craig, trim your *ding*ing beard, you hairy slob!
[Craig:] Really? Are you sure? [A picture of Harry from Harry and the Hendersons enters the frame next to Craig. He looks at it a couple of times.]
[Craig's mom:] My *ding*ing mistake.
So the lesson is, if life gets you down, just compare it something crappier and everything's fine. Right?
But I'm not feeling bad right now. As of the making of this video, we're in third place for the Supernote contest, and we have less subscribers than everybody. I love all of you. Thank you so much. But let's... let's still consider me the underdog, okay? [He smiles. His smile dings as it glints.]
So for the rest of the month, I'm gonna be using Supernote winks. So if you'd like to submit a wink and enter the Supernote contest, make a video response to last Friday's video [points to an annotation] with your Supernote ending with a wink. Like this person.
[Viewer:] Team Beard. [Sings a supernote.] Oooooooo....[Text on screen: 66 seconds.] aaaah. I'm an asthmatic too. [Winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
So since tomorrow's my birthday, and my band Driftless Pony Club is recording on Wednesday, there might not be as many videos this week. But there's just as much love. Don't believe me? Here's what it's like when I don't love something. [Picture of angry baby.] Hate hate hate! [Back to Craig] I love you. [picture of Incredible Hulk] Hate hate hate! [Back to Craig] Love you.
One other quick thing I wanted to mention is that sketch comedy show that I'm acting in, FridaynitebYtes, has a second episode up on fridaynitebYtes dot com. There's a link in the doobly-doo for that. You can also click here [points to an annotation] to go to one of my favorite sketches, Periodic Dinner Table, on their YouTube channel. It's pretty good. Check it out.
To give credit where credit is due, I didn't edit the second episode or write it. I acted in it. It was made by a big group of very talented people that I hope one day take over the world. So you better get in good with our future supreme overlords now.
[Extreme closeup of Craig opening his eyes wide while looking down] Does it look like my eyes are popping out of my head when I do this? I wonder if I do it hard enough they'll actually pop out? [Psycho music plays as screen goes black and two popping sounds are heard.]
singing rug, beardlovers, angry sun, *ding*, Supernote, dinging glinting smile, wink, Driftless Pony Club (DPC), fridaynitebYtes, doobly-doo
CompariSon on YouTube