|Original Upload date||September 24, 2010|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Outro||video game outro|
|Wink submitted by||
Hey beardlovers. You know who I am, right? Recognize me? It's me! From the future! Anyway, I'm here to tell you about something that's gonna happen that I need you to stop.
[Another Craig leans into frame:] Hey Future Craig! What's going on?
Not now, clone. I'm trying to warn them about a catastrophic event. Get to the alligator pit.
So... in the coming months [the other Craig jumps into the alligator pit] there's some things that I'm gonna need you to do [As the alligator munches, Craig starts to dematerialize.] Oh god, that was me from the past! [Craig's completely dematerialized.]
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Good thing that was just a clone from the future. How do I know? Cause i jammed this pencil into my arm and nothing happened to him. Hehe. I'm super smart. Hehehe. OW!!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Quick reminder. When you're done watching today's video, if you'd like to purchase the Ty the Regular Guy shirt, there's a link in the doobly-doo. Today's the last day you can order it. The last day!! Sorry. I get really passionate when things end. The end of Lord of the Rings was a really big deal for me. It ended, like, eight different times. Fade out fade in. Fade out fade in. Pick one, Peter Jackson! That's it for today. See ya! [waves]
[A dog winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
And we're back. That's what it's like.
Today's headlines on CNN were also an emotional rollercoaster ride. [shows headline] Lindsay Lohan goes directly to jail. [sad face and sad music] [shows headline] Home sales are up [banjo face] [shows headline] Can a big booze tax reduce disease? Reduce disease? [banjo face] Big booze tax? [Sad music and sad face] Reduce disease? [Banjo face] Big booze tax? [Sad music and sad face] I don't know.
This is too much. I'm gonna go where emotions are consistent. The comments.
coolshane02 writes, *Shirt* lol that makes me laugh every time I hear that *shirt* sound effect.
Me too. Hehehehe. [camera moves in closer] Hehehehe. [closeup of his shoulder shaking while laughing] Hehe. Closeup on my mouth not my shoulder! [closeup of mouth] Hehehe. That's better.
ecbfilms001 writes, stop that SHIRT thing.
I don't know why you wouldn't want me to wear a shirt, but, okay [now shirtless] I'll do what you asked. [Craig draws a dot on his hand and then enlarges the ellipsis in the comment so that it lines up over his chest and the dot on his hand] I call this an eNIPses.
turbearcat writes, It's always very bright at your house.
It's actually even brighter than it looks. I have a filter on the lens. Here I'll take it off, let me show you. [So bright we can barely see him] Whoaaa! This is brighter than usual. That's cause I got my shirt off. Here. [Puts shirt on and now it's less bright than it was but still brighter than usual] This is how bright it actually is.
I bet Emilyy182 didn't remember National Butter Day.
[shows Emilyy182's comment:] Hey! It's National Butter Day. Betcha didn't think I would remember, huh?
[Craig makes frustrated noises]
So I checked on Google and I didn't find any mention of National Butter Day. Though I did see it in print in your comment on the internet so it must be true. I'm gonna go eat some butter. Raw. [Eats peanut butter] Mmm. Peanut butter. What? Did you think I was gonna eat raw butter? I guess I talk too fast. Play back that last clip in slow mo.
[Craig in slow motion:] I'm gonna go eat some ... [Craig's head freezes but his lips keep moving] hmm... let's see, what kind of butter should I have? Apple butter? Nah, too fruity. Marijuana butter? Nah, too illegal. Man, I'm talking too fast. My lips are getting sore. Self lip massage! [Rubs his lips together] Mmm. That's better. Okay. Let's go with peanut.... [moves again] butter. Raw.
I gotta learn to talk slower.
kinehansen91 writes, Do your naibor's like you?
My Naibors? Hardly. [Shows website for Naibor] The Kenyan Naibor camp in the Masai Mara Game Reserve is for everybody, whether or not they like me, I'm not sure. I was gonna send them an e-mail but I can't find it on their website. I guess I have to call them. [punching numbers on his phone] When dialing outside the country, you have to dial so many numbers. [Phone is to his ear] The international call isn't allowed from this line. [Text on screen: sorry, I really tried.] I guess I won't know if the Naibors like me.
barbbarrella writes, You've encouraged my boyfriend. He's growing a beard.
[Continues reading her comment:] I hate beards.
[Sad face and sad music]
[Continues reading her comment:] Jeezo man and stop picking on the eagle
[Craig mimics the emoticon at the end of the comment which is this one: =( ]
Listen here, one who doesn't like beards, you don't get to tell me what to do! Beard spear! [Craig tilts his head back, flies into the air where the eagle is flying overhead, and hits the eagle with his beard.] That eagle's not coming back. Once you're speared by my beard, I'm always feared, they say. [Eagle flies down into Craig's apartment and bothers him. Craig flaps his arm to shield himself from eagle.] Oh god! Get away! Get away! [Ducks down out of his chair]
[Winker:] Up up and away! [Flies upwards, then back down.] Almost forgot... [winks (ding). Flies upward.]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
One last reminder. Ty the Regular Guy shirts. Link in the doobly-doo. Last chance is today. Show the world that you're just a regular person. Who doesn't want to be known as normal? Especially in grade school. Or high school. Or adult life. I guess the only time you want to be weird is on YouTube. Blah blah blah blah. [blinks slowly] Stop judging me, Aunt Judy.
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