Coffee and Pancake w/ Rainn Wilson

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"Coffee and Pancake w/ Rainn Wilson"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 668
Original Upload date July 17, 2012
Running time 0:04:43
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by ellistome
Episode chronology
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"How to Cheat"
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"Gun Lapse"


Transcript (in progress)

This is the intro to today's video. Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Wrong way. Hooray! Hooray! Macarena. Hooray!
Wheezy Waiter
So beardlovers I'm very excited to tell you that after years of research I'm the first person to discover pure happiness and immortality.
- That's two things.
- Shut up, Critique Clone. No one's counting.
- Except me.
- Except that you're dead in the alligator pit.
- That's a good point.
It is a good point. Very good point. I think the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done!
What was I talking about before? Doesn't matter. Thinking about coffee now. I guess that topic's over forever. Coffee coffee.
I love coffee! Everything's gonna be wonderful. Mmm.
There are coffee grounds in this.
No! Why do bad things happen to exceptional people? Noooo!
- Hey Craig. Everything okay? I came as fast as I could.
- Rainn Wilson, what are you doing here? How did you get in my apartment? You have keys?
- I heard a loud cry. Like the death moan of a pathetic elk.
- Yeah.
- Lonely and sad.
- Okay, okay. Yeah, but how did you get in my apartment and then sit down in that area where I have the ladder and the unfinished cardboard fence that I've been working on?
- Hey, never mind that, okay? This is about you. Tell me what's going on.
- No.
- Tell me.
- No way.
- Tell me what's going on.
- No.
- Tell me.
- Okay. Well, you see, the coffee was done, and I love it when the coffee's done and it's always so delicious but this time there was coffee grounds and the coffee... I think the coffee machine's broken and I can't.. .
- Hey!
- Hmm?
- Listen to me. You gotta beard up. Time to take back your future.
- My future?
- Why don't you ask the internet?
- I don't really think this is a good time for porn. Even though I am crying.
- No, Craig, not porn. The internet has a place for these big questions. Soul Pancake.
- Hmm. I'm more an eggs and toast kind of guy. Pancakes can be okay but they're a bit sweet. Souls tend to be tangy.
- Okay, funny guy. Very funny, hairy funny guy. Listen up. Soul Pancake is an online community of people coming together and exploring life's big questions. What it means to be a human being. You know, stuff like God and free will and love and heartbreak and death. You know, the big stuff.
- Hmm. All those topics make me want to ponder. Hang on a second.
This is how I ponder.
- Man, you YouTube people really need to work on your social skills.
- I don't get a lot of practice. I never leave the house. You know, I wish there were somewhere online I could talk about stuff like God and free will and love and heartbreak and death. You know, the big stuff.
- That's exactly what I'm talking about. That's what Soul Pancake is.
- Oh yeah! Soul Pancake! That's exactly what I'm talking about. Someone told me about that recently. You, I think. Thanks, Rainn. You're the best. I'm really glad to be sitting in my apartment at the same time as you right now in real time, talking and stuff.
- Thanks, Craig. It's been a real pleasure.
- Ah, silly me. I should have offered you a snack. Here. Here you go.
- Lipendo! Not hungry.
- Oh. Well, thanks for the help, Rainn. I'll check out the site. Oh, the coffee machine still doesn't work.
- I think you're far too focused on the trivial. Maybe you need to expand your horizons. Gaze out into the infinite magnificence of our universe. You know, break with routine. Get away from the fold.
- The fold?
- You know what, excuse me one second. I hear the plaintive cry of a portly hairy mammal. I think Quiet Clone may have stubbed his toe.
- You can hear Quiet Clone?
Hmm. Wait. Get away from the fold? Hmm.
The filter's folded. That's why the grounds are in there. Thanks, Rainn. Everything's gonna be just... There's still grounds in here. Oh, I have to remake it. That's right.
Wheezy Waiter
So, big thank you to Rainn Wilson for coming over and helping me with my coffee problem. Soul Pancake's launching a new YouTube channel. Click here to subscribe. And visit Where are you guys? I still don't have my contacts in. Are you.... you over.... Oh! There you are. Oh, I'm sorry. I think I picked your nose. Okay. Um, anyway, I also want... Actually, I said everything I wanted to say. I'm gonna go put my contacts in now. Bye!

Recurring elements

[Coming soon]

External links

Coffee and Pancake w/ Rainn Wilson on YouTube