[slides in/singing rug/very smiley]
Hey. What's up, beardlovers? [smiling and laughing a lot] How are you? Hahahaha! Oh! Camera's further away! Haha hahahahaha!
[Very serious face for a couple of moments. Then laughter again.] Hahaha!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Hey guys. Oh, I think the coffee's done! [Laughing] I love it when the coffee's done! [Gets up and runs towards kitchen, falls over purposefully, making a funny sound. The audience laughs. He gets up and makes a funny expression.] Hahahahaha! [Runs back from the kitchen with his coffee mug in hand.]
So in the comments, Mjhaider1985 writes [shows comment] You're like the Conan of YouTube.
Thank you! But Conan? Who's... ? I don't know who that is. [Holds up his Late Night with Conan O'Brien coffee mug] What? [Audience laughs] What? What? [Takes a sip of coffee. Spits it out.] [Smiles, laughs, and points to the coffee mug as the audience laughs.] Get it? Get it? Get it? Get it? [Audience starts applauding.] Get it? Get it? Get it? Get it? 'Cause Conan? Get it? 'Cause Conan? The mug? You know, the mug? Get it? You don't get it. You get it? You don't get it. [The audience is still clapping and laughing.] You get it.
So in the news [shows headline and laughs while reading the headline] Oil traces found in Gulf food chain. [Audience laughs] Hehe! That's not funny at all
[laughing]. Haha. In business news, [shows headline] Stocks flounder as commodities shine. [He laughs and the audience continues laughing. Fans himself because he's laughing so hard.] Not a shred of humor in that.
In news about the war...
[Another Craig enters the frame:] Hey clone, what are you doing? I told you never to record yourself. [The clone tries to suppress laughter] Are you chewing gum?
[Clone:] No. [tries to suppress his giggles.]
[the other Craig:] Get outta here.
[Clone:] Okay. [laughs] Awesome.
[the other Craig, talking to the clone:] The majority of the YouTube audience is teenagers. They don't want happiness. They want angst.
[The happy clone exits, laughing, in the background:] Whatever, man. You're funny. You're funny.
[Craig speaks intensely.] In the news, [shows article] Oil traces found in frickin' Gulf food chain. [reads from article] "There's a huge amount of angst that remains with people about where the oil has gone."
The world is going to *shirt*!
Speaking of, there's free shipping on shirts and a discount in Canada until November 15th. Pssh. Not like it matters.
We don't need THINGS to make us happy. We don't even need happiness. You ever felt real pain? I feel real pain. I feel the pain of a broken heart. The pain of... acid reflux. Sometimes my belly hairs get caught in my belt. It hurts too. One time I cut my toenail down too far. Yeeow!
In stupid corporate news [shows article] Stocks frickin' tank as commodities sell out their fans.
You can have your pie in the sky, commodities. I'm gonna go hang out with stocks. We're gonna go play some music outside of a club. Some 90s jams. You ever drink Ximo with street music money? That's called hard living. But to me it's called life.
In news about stupid adorable puppies...
[Quiet Clone enters the frame, mumbling unintelligibly]
[Quiet clone:] Are you okay?
[Craig:] What do you want, Quiet Clone?
[Quiet clone:] I was only... [mumbles quietly]
[Craig:] I'm outta here. [Gets up]
[Quiet Clone is now sitting in front of the camera]
[Quiet Clone mumbles quietly:] Hey. That wasn't original Craig. That was Angry Clone.
In the news, [shows article] Oil traces found in Gulf food chain. Only about 4 percent of the Gulf of Mexico's federal waters remain closed to fishing because of the oil spill.
In other news, [shows article] Stocks flounder as commodities shine.
Aww. Huh? Aww. Huh? Wait a second. [highlights word in headline] Flounder. [shows previous article] Fishing. Flounder. Fishing. Flounder. Fishing. [A picture of Flounder from Finding Nemo is superimposed over Gulf story.] Hehe. It's a pun.
In other news... [behind him, another Craig wakes up in bed.]
[Craig:] Agh, aw, overslept. Gotta make a video!
[Happy Clone comes out of the kitchen:] Hahaha. Little did he know. [The audience laughs.] It's done. It's done. [Makes jazz hands as he steps out of the doorway back into kitchen.] [Falls into alligator pit.] Aaaaaaa... hahahaha. [Alligator starts munching]
[Quiet Clone:] I'm gonna go away. [Slides out of frame]
[Angry Clone comes out of the kitchen.] This video sucks.
[Viewer sings outro theme:] Wheezy Waiter! [winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[Happy Clone laughing:] Haha ha haha ha ha! Oh! Camera's further away. Hahahaha hee hee [starts coughing] Whew. Good time.
singing rug, beardlovers, "I love it when the coffee's done!", comments, headlines, laugh track, Happy clone, *shirt*, merchandise, Angry clone, Quiet clone, alligator pit, outtakes
This is the first appearance of Happy clone and Angry clone.
Clone Takeover on YouTube