[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Let's bring some class to this video blog. We're not even going to call it a video blog anymore. We're gonna call it internet theatre. How about information vineyard? Put on a tie. [puts on a tie, incorrectly.] Classy.
When you're classy you don't say a lot. You just look off in the distance like you're deep in thought. [looks off in distance for a few moments, squints eyes slightly] I'm near-sighted so I have to squint. [looks off, squinting]
And when you do say something, you say it in an English accent.
[Craig, in a tie, staring off into distance, sits next to a clone.]
[Clone:] Oh hey.
[Craig, in a Cockney accent, shouts:] 'ELLO!
[Clone shrinks back in fear and surprise]
If you're already English then congratulations. You're almost there. All you have to do is go to the dentist. [closeup of Craig gasping in shock]
I'm sorry. That was mean. Americans are fat. Feel better?
That's another classy thing to do when dealing with stereotypes. If you generalize one group, generalize another group to balance it out.
No no no no no, I was being facetious. A classy word. I was also being clandestine. No I wasn't.
Sometimes when I'm being classy, I like to sit back and read some fine literature while I drink my white wine [long pause] vinegar. [holds up a bottle of white wine vinegar, at first covering the word "vinegar" with his fingers but revealing it as he says it]
Today we'll be reading Star Wars book three of the Corellian Trilogy, Showdown at Centerpoint. [Craig starts reading as sound of jackhammering begins outside. Craig turns towards sound. It stops. Craig looks at camera, laughs. Sound starts again. Craig holds up a finger to camera:] One moment. [Looks back at sound, slams book shut, gets up. Another jackhammer starts, making sound even more deafening.] Okay, seriously? This is NOT CLASSY. [From his window, Craig films guy outside with jackhammer.] Hey! I'm trying to be classy here!
Okay, I think we're good. [waits for a second and listens for sound, which is over.] Yeah. [jackhammering starts again. stops. starts again. stops.] Okay. I was talking about being classy [jackhammering starts again. Craig turns towards it. ] What the *ding*?
Anyway, oh *shirt*, you know what? It's Free Bagel Friday. So I don't know if you know this but on Free Bagel Friday I used to ... uh... get a little passionate. Let's just say I would punch my boss in the face if he got between me and my free bagel. I'll make a playlist with all the Free Bagel Fridays on my channel. But now that I'm classy, we've been getting along a lot better these days.
[Craig's boss gets bagel out of box. Craig walks up.]
[Craig:] Oh hey, friend.
[Craig's boss:] Hey friend.
[Craig:] We got a good rapport.
[Craig's boss:] Yeah, we're really classy.
[Craig:] I really enjoy eating bagels with you in the morning.
[Craig's boss pauses. Craig continues smiling.]
[Craig's boss:] Oh, about that... this is the last one.
[Craig smiles. Then punches his boss, who flies backwards. Bagel flies through the air as well. Craig walks over to pick it up, picks it up, holds it up smiling. Looks to camera:] Second cousins Brennan and Olivia, can I have a wink please?
[Olivia winks (ding). Brennan winks twice (ding) (ding)]
[Voice:] That was great!
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
[Craig's boss, lying amid bottles and cans from overturned recycling bin:] Just like old times.
101 videos, clone, *ding*, *shirt*, Free Bagel Friday, wink
Classy 101 on YouTube